olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #251  October 25,2009, 9:47pm
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DreamingOfAtlantis wrote :
First, I wonder if you read the full post and saw the intent of the point: I said that the score keeping was a Bad Thing (tm). I used that as an example of what does NOT work.

Second, and this is something I learned when working in treatment, moving on means not repeating the same unproductive patterns. Part of not repeating those patterns is an awareness of what they are and what the signs are of those patterns. Been used once? Try to avoid it. Been used twice? Figure out what the common factors are and what you did that's part of it. Been used a repeated number of times? Get counseling, figure out what you're doing, and figure out how to avoid it in the future.

Part of avoiding is keeping an awareness of when the patterns are repeating. How do people use you? Okay, be aware of that and when you see it, decide if it's part of the pattern or something else. It doesn't mean keeping score, but it does mean being aware, in this case, for example, if you're doing everything for her and she does nothing but enjoy it.
Fair enough... tired , late, inference that you kept score might have been from trying to read 6 pages of posts with aching back ... must sleep... must sleeaj[el[a'F (sound of head hitting keyboard)
 
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DreamingOfAtlantis is offline DreamingOfAtlantis Post #252  October 25,2009, 9:54pm
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olneyjeeps wrote :
Fair enough... tired , late, inference that you kept score might have been from trying to read 6 pages of posts with aching back ... must sleep... must sleeaj[el[a'F (sound of head hitting keyboard)
I've done the same. Yes, keeping score is bad.

The problem is, and this is why I included the #2 situation, that if you've been hurt and had to get help for something like that, it's hard to NOT keep score for a while because you need something to tell you that you're on track. But it's only when you're past it and to the point where you know what to avoid and what isn't attractive to you anymore that things are finally getting better.
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #253  October 25,2009, 10:03pm
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I can't relate to this mentality that the guy MUST pay for the first date originating from an internet dating service. If you're using an internet matching service, you are both, equally, looking to get to know other people. Why would the guy carry the obligation to pay for the first date?

It is not the same thing as being asked out on a date by an acquaintance or friend whom you already have some common ground with. A person who already knows enough about you to know that he wants to invest in getting to know you better. It is not courtship. It's a first meeting with a practical stranger. Why would you expect him to pick up the tab?

Agree, before you go, to ask for separate checks. It's a first meeting for crying out loud. There will be plenty of opportunities to pay each other's way in the future, if there is a future.
Last edited by WYskywatcher2; October 25,2009 at 10:12pm. Reason: had to fix the 'acquaintance'
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #254  October 26,2009, 2:13am
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WYskywatcher wrote :
I can't relate to this mentality that the guy MUST pay for the first date originating from an internet dating service. If you're using an internet matching service, you are both, equally, looking to get to know other people. Why would the guy carry the obligation to pay for the first date?

It is not the same thing as being asked out on a date by an acquaintance or friend whom you already have some common ground with. A person who already knows enough about you to know that he wants to invest in getting to know you better. It is not courtship. It's a first meeting with a practical stranger. Why would you expect him to pick up the tab?

Agree, before you go, to ask for separate checks. It's a first meeting for crying out loud. There will be plenty of opportunities to pay each other's way in the future, if there is a future.
That just makes too much sense!
Are you sure you are female?
Just makes too much sense to have come from a female (much less one that is still single... what's up with that?)!
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #255  October 26,2009, 3:53am
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I think we are talking about first dates, not first meetings.

anyhoo. wow, 26 pages.
 
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timeless2 is offline timeless2 Post #256  October 26,2009, 5:14am
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Well, I certainly offered to split the check the first time. He seemed surprised but said no. We've been dating for over a year and we often take turns paying for things... now he is unemployed so I have been paying more often...but I expect a little something for it later ..... ahahahahahahahahaha :^ )
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #257  October 26,2009, 5:57am
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Only a little something?
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #258  October 26,2009, 10:29am
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If someone explicitly says "I will pay" before the date they should without doubt. Even if someone totally takes advantage and orders ridiculously expensively. I'd strike that one up to a lesson learned and potentially getting off cheap in the long run.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #259  October 26,2009, 10:35am
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i think you can tell what the sitch is how a guy asks you out. if he says, hey, do you want to grab a drink/dinner sometime, I assume it's dutch and casual.

if he says I'd like to take you to dinner, I would guess he expects to pay. I'd still offer though.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #260  October 26,2009, 10:35am

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I'd actually call the restaurant ahead of time, give the waiter $5 and told them..."if my date ordered anything more expensive than $6.50, you just tell her that you're out of that for the evening, so she might just get stuck with salad and a glass of water"

Maximum damage control $11.50
 
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