Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 1 of 27 1 2 3 11 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,275

See profile

In the guided communication process there's an optional question regarding your opinion on gender roles with multiple choice answers ranging from traditional to nontraditional to 'create your own roles' (which is pretty vague). There are also perennial topics on this forum that are related to gender roles such as should women initiate communication, who should pay for dates, equality in relationships etc.

So, beyond a simplistic multiple choice type answer, in the type of relationship that you'd most like to have what would be the roles for yourself and your partner? Both in external (what he or she does) and internal (psychological/emotional) terms....what would be different (or not different) between His and Her roles in the relationship?
- October 21st, 2009, 07:55 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
shoopthedoop shoopthedoop is offline
shoopthedoop's Avatar

shoopthedoop is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 812

See profile

jayjay wrote :
So, beyond a simplistic multiple choice type answer, in the type of relationship that you'd most like to have what would be the roles for yourself and your partner? Both in external (what he or she does) and internal (psychological/emotional) terms....what would be different (or not different) between His and Her roles in the relationship?
I would be comfortable with more traditional roles, taking care of household maintenance, yard, vehicles etc. However, I've been a bachelor for a long time so I am comfortable cooking, cleaning the house and doing laundry. It would really depend on the other person.

In terms of career, I'm not strongly career/achievement driven but have the experience and training to kick it up a notch if it were needed for me to be the sole or primary bread winner.

Internally, I'm not sure if those are so clearly defined traditionally. I would want a relationship that is open and we can discuss our problems and work through them together. I would like to have the type of relationshi where you feel comfortable talking about the troubles you are facing with the other person.
- October 21st, 2009, 08:14 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

Gr8Guyn2008 I'm in love and always will be ... All that was there will be there still

Sage

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 10,615

See profile

I think that you are confusing the First Questions gender role question and equality in a relationship.

Also as you know you can write in your own answers for First Questions which I do for all questions that I am asked, including the gender role question.

I view the gender role question as am I looking for someone to keep house for me while I go out to work. In other words the roles that most people played in my parents generation (check my age to get the generation it may be different from yours). Or am I going to help with keeping house and expect that she will also be helping with the family income.

The concept of courting, who initiates or pays, in the relationship I don't see as roles of the genders. I see this as a difference of living in the 21st century and not in the 1920s.
- October 21st, 2009, 08:15 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,275

See profile

shoopthedoop wrote :
Internally, I'm not sure if those are so clearly defined traditionally. I would want a relationship that is open and we can discuss our problems and work through them together. I would like to have the type of relationship where you feel comfortable talking about the troubles you are facing with the other person.
Do you think there would be internal differences between yourself and your partner that would be reflected in how you discuss and work through problems? If you were the 'breadwinner' would that affect....or reflect....other differences between the two of you?
- October 21st, 2009, 08:46 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,275

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I think that you are confusing the First Questions gender role question and equality in a relationship.
These are related, aren't they? As in people want to feel a balance in a relationship and that no one is being taken advantage of.

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
The concept of courting, who initiates or pays, in the relationship I don't see as roles of the genders. I see this as a difference of living in the 21st century and not in the 1920s.
There are quite a few people here who think a man should initiate communication and pay for a first date(s). Do you think they're living in the 1920s?
- October 21st, 2009, 08:53 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

shoopthedoop shoopthedoop is offline
shoopthedoop's Avatar

shoopthedoop is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 812

See profile

jayjay wrote :
Do you think there would be internal differences between yourself and your partner that would be reflected in how you discuss and work through problems?
I would expect there would be some differences between how we discussed and worked through problems at the start of the relationship. As long as the other person came into the relationship willing to discuss and work through problems that's all I would care about.

jayjay wrote :
If you were the 'breadwinner' would that affect....or reflect....other differences between the two of you?
It could reflect other differences between us. This goes back more to the education/income thread. I'm at the cusp of making good money now, but not quite there. If someone was making significantly less than I am now it would be a reflection of lack of ambition, which is a difference that would be tough to deal with.
- October 21st, 2009, 09:33 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
alissag alissag is offline
alissag's Avatar

alissag Life's not about weathering the storm but learning to dance in the rain!

Pacesetter

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 268

See profile

jayjay I love this thread and I think you are dead on with your question....

Now, I understand that not everyman is like this, but my ex husband's idea of equality in a relationship changed once he became the sole bread winner. This was shocking to me as he ASKED me to stay home once kids came along. To this day i can play the conversation in my head like a video. He thought it important that our kids were not in day care but raised by me. Being raised by their mother was worth more than any dollar amount I made. And, we were fortunate enough to have this as an option.

Unfortunately, as soon as I stopped working, I was no longer an equal in his eyes. I cannot tell you how many times I heard him say "well, I make the money" WT...! I no longer had equal say in decision making and it filtered into every aspect of our relationship. In the end he was treating me and interacting with me in a completely different manner. No longer were my feelings or opinions of any importance or value. The equality, respect and admiration had vanished.

I have no problem with traditional gender roles in a relationship as long as they still see each others as equals and partners. Some people are steadfast in their perceptions of gender roles (I'm speaking in terms of both "chore" responsibilities and emotional) For others, however, those roles will be molded and have a different definition depending on the person they are with.
- October 21st, 2009, 09:50 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,275

See profile

alissag wrote :
Unfortunately, as soon as I stopped working, I was no longer an equal in his eyes. I cannot tell you how many times I heard him say "well, I make the money" WT...! I no longer had equal say in decision making and it filtered into every aspect of our relationship. In the end he was treating me and interacting with me in a completely different manner. No longer were my feelings or opinions of any importance or value. The equality, respect and admiration had vanished.
How horrible....and a great example of how each person having a different role can play out as an inequality/imbalance.

What brought this topic to my mind recently was a couple posts by women on another thread about how what they look for in a man is his having the attitude of wanting to be a 'protector/provider'. Frankly, it surprised me to see women saying this as it doesn't sound as 'modern' as people oftentimes are. One thing is also started me wondering is, for a woman who wants a man's role in a relationship to be a 'protector/provider'....what is the corresponding woman's role?
- October 21st, 2009, 10:00 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
neardc neardc is offline
neardc's Avatar

neardc What year is it again?

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,474

See profile

jayjay wrote :
One thing is also started me wondering is, for a woman who wants a man's role in a relationship to be a 'protector/provider'....what is the corresponding woman's role?
I would say nurturer (of both husband and children), and keeper of the hearth and all of the work that entails.
- October 21st, 2009, 10:14 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
keepitreal4love keepitreal4love is offline
keepitreal4love's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Feb 2009

Posts: 31

See profile

shoopthedoop wrote :

If someone was making significantly less than I am now it would be a reflection of lack of ambition, which is a difference that would be tough to deal with.
that is 100 percent false and a typical elitist attitude I see from people on eharmony, it depends on your career path it has nothing to do with ambition some careers such as careers as social work do not pay anywhere near what a career in engineering does. get your facts straight buddy.
- October 21st, 2009, 10:15 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 27 1 2 3 11 Last »

Bookmarks

« Bye-Bye Baby Steps! | Array | To shave or not to shave; this is the question »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Gender and dating brneyedangel Dating 153 September 27th, 2009 10:13 pm
Friends of opposite gender / effects on relationships? eH_Advice_Admin_Lori Relationships 2 June 24th, 2009 12:31 pm
The negative gender stereotype that says ____________ hurts ME as a person because ____________ eH_Advice_Admin_Lori About You 12 June 15th, 2009 05:50 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I never been married but it is great if you can have a civil realation ship with you ex, it is rare only a few mature people can keep it civil...and not let others put their negative point views on ... ” – misswright

Join the “civil relationship with ex” discussion

“No regrets.....to me..there isn't any difference between online and in real life, everyone has a story to tell and it just takes time for the truth to be revealed.... I just keep on wondering what ... ” – legend29

Join the “What lessons have you learned from online dating?” discussion

“ I've been here long enough, and some people are confused enough, that the same person has accused be of mutually-exclusive opposite attributes - sometimes on the same night.” – D_Lion

Join the “He said She said” discussion

“Okay, I have a question. I am in pre-menopause. I haven't had a period in almost a year. I went to the doctor and after we had a discussion about this and I had told him about my divorce, etc., I ... ” – newbie40something

Join the “argued about birth control methods” discussion

“So true, Suzyblueeyes.” – LizziePooh

Join the “When a guy says he's not looking for a relationship...” discussion

“Always your heart, always.” – BlueHeron

Join the “In relationships: heart or head?” discussion

“I am not a fan of living together if your end game is marriage and theirs is not. I know many people who gasp at the idea of not living together prior to marriage and believe that people need to ... ” – LizziePooh

Join the “co-habiting with no engagement... smart or not?” discussion

“Lindsey, the people that know even a little bit about you know better. The ones that never took the time? There's no reason to value their opinions. You're an amazing, caring, beautiful woman. ... ” – chawks64

Join the “It's over.” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:30 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0