alissag is offline alissag Post #81  October 21,2009, 3:55pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
so which is it?

does a guy want to be the protector/provider and also be expected to pay for dinner and initiate communication, or does he expect an equal partnership and risk emasculation?

seriously, I'd like to know. please.
I second your request! Come on guys, give us some insight here.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #82  October 21,2009, 3:55pm
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alissag wrote :
I've had this happen to me, too! We can't win. We're either freeloaders or independent feminists LOL
QFT!!!!!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #83  October 21,2009, 4:03pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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scarlet13 wrote :
so which is it?

does a guy want to be the protector/provider and also be expected to pay for dinner and initiate communication, or does he expect an equal partnership and risk emasculation?

seriously, I'd like to know. please.
I'm not sure specifically what you mean by 'equal'. I definitely want equality in a relationship in the sense that things are 'balanced' and both of us feel we are both treating the other and being treated very well, with no one being taken advantage of. I don't expect a partnership that is 'equal' in the sense that we are identical in our emotional wants or roles.

Also, btw, I have no problem feeling and acting as a 'provider/protector' if I let a woman buy me dinner. Last year I dated a woman for a couple months and I let her take me twice to the nicest and most expensive restaurant in State College.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #84  October 21,2009, 4:09pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
so which is it?

does a guy want to be the protector/provider and also be expected to pay for dinner and initiate communication, or does he expect an equal partnership and risk emasculation?

seriously, I'd like to know. please.
If a guy is easily emasculated doesn't that make him kind of whimpy?
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #85  October 21,2009, 4:09pm
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jayjay wrote :
Though, what I don't understand is why some of them hang onto the vestiges of old traditions like waiting for the man to initiate communication, for him to pay for dates etc.
jayjay wrote :
But, yes...generally if a woman doesn't have an internal desire for a man to be a 'provider/protector' in some form then I probably won't have much interest in a relationship with her. Well, unless maybe she's super hot. lol

this is why i ask.

you don't see this as having your cake and eating it too?
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #86  October 21,2009, 4:11pm
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bigfincat wrote :
If a guy is easily emasculated doesn't that make him kind of whimpy?
I stated that because of JayJay's statement which i quoted above.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #87  October 21,2009, 4:11pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
so which is it?

does a guy want to be the protector/provider and also be expected to pay for dinner and initiate communication, or does he expect an equal partnership and risk emasculation?

seriously, I'd like to know. please.
It depends on the man.

Initiation of communication isn't a big thing, as it only takes one person to initiate.

Roles evolve over time. Once you are in a committed relationship then it's probably best to view it more as an equal partnership. If someone sees me as less masculine for wanting that equal relationship, so be it. That means they probably aren't the best person for me in the long run.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #88  October 21,2009, 4:12pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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scarlet13 wrote :
this is why i ask.

you don't see this as having your cake and eating it too?
You mean a woman who wants complete, literal equality in a relationship....but who wants a man to initiate communication and pay for dates? Yes, I do see that as wanting to have you cake and eat it too.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #89  October 21,2009, 4:12pm
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D_Lion wrote :
You are exactly right.

The flip side is, that gifts must be gifts which can only be given. They cannot be nagged, whined, cajoled, etc, out of a partner.

Nothing wrong with giving or accepting; nothing wrong with negotiating; but everything wrong with the sense of entitlement often encountered.
you could always say "no"
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #90  October 21,2009, 4:14pm
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jayjay wrote :
You mean a woman who wants complete, literal equality in a relationship....but who wants a man to initiate communication and pay for dates? Yes, I do see that as wanting to have you cake and eat it too.
no, I mean that you, specifically, want to be the "provider" in a relationship, but then you can't understand why women wouldn't offer to pay for a date/initiate communication

ETA: did you or did you not say that if a woman does not have a desire for a protector/provider in a relationship you aren't interested?
Last edited by scarlet13; October 21,2009 at 4:17pm.
 
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