scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #71  October 21,2009, 3:39pm
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jayjay wrote :
Though, what I don't understand is why some of them hang onto the vestiges of old traditions like waiting for the man to initiate communication, for him to pay for dates etc.
sometimes men expect that too, though. there are plenty of men out there that assign an agenda to a woman offering to pay or a woman who asks a guy out.

i've had a guy say to me when i offered to pay for a second date dinner "uh oh, you must be one of those feminist types"


I've had another instance when i asked a man out who thought i meant we were just going to boink. he said, and this is a quote:
"so, this isn't just a sex thing?"

seriously. I don't know what to do anymore.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #72  October 21,2009, 3:40pm
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jayjay wrote :
I don't understand is why some of them hang onto the vestiges of old traditions like waiting for the man to initiate communication, for him to pay for dates etc.

Greed. They do because they can.

Surely you accept that is human nature?
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #73  October 21,2009, 3:41pm
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jayjay wrote :
This sounds pretty much like the true 'equality' in a relationship in terms of both partners expecting to provide the same things as they receive in a relationship. I also expect there are quite a number of women around who are also looking for this same thing. Though, what I don't understand is why some of them hang onto the vestiges of old traditions like waiting for the man to initiate communication, for him to pay for dates etc.
True equality in a relationship is really tough to achieve. I think you can attempt to provide support, and should realistically expect it in return. However, the support people need can be vastly different and if one partner doesn't recognize when the other person needs support (or doesn't want to) then the relationship is doomed.

I've found it very telling in the early stages of a relationship when I've been very supportive on occasion and then found little or no support was provided when I felt I needed it.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #74  October 21,2009, 3:43pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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D_Lion wrote :
Greed. They do because they can.

Surely you accept that is human nature?
I suppose so. In which case the objective isn't 'equality'....it's 'advantage'.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #75  October 21,2009, 3:44pm
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alissag wrote :
jayjay Gender roles

neardc wrote :
I would say nurturer (of both husband and children), and keeper of the hearth and all of the work that entails.

Do you think that is a role that can be compatible with a woman having a career....or is this an either/or?

You can't expect a woman to have a career and then be the sole nurturer of the children all on her own. The responsibilities of children and home have to be shared if she has a career... I'm a great multi-tasker and can handle a lot but I'm not superwoman or anything LOL
I would prefer a mix similar to what you describe. I would like to see my partner care for the children most of the time & work a little of the time. I also think that the father should have substantial sole child-rearing responsibilities every week.

I think that it is a negative that so many children see very little of their breadwinning parent. That limits how deeply they even know each other.

I think that a person is healthier if they are doing many different things as opposed to the same thing all of the time.

Every child should be taught a good work ethic, how to clean a home, do laundry, etc. Basicly take care of themselves completely. Then when you are with a partner you can handle all responsibilities on a need basis. Whichever person is better at or more available to get a task done should do it.

Personally, dinner would be the thing that we could take the easy way out whenever we wanted or needed to. We can outsource that job if it made life easier.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #76  October 21,2009, 3:45pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Greed. They do because they can.

Surely you accept that is human nature?
no, but we can't have it both ways.

a man cannot expect to be the Protector/provider without providing anything- paying for dinner, yardwork , whatever.

a woman can't be expected to be 100% equal in a relationship and then not risk losing a guy because he lost interest in the relationship due to her independence- because he wants to be the provider.
Last edited by scarlet13; October 21,2009 at 3:47pm.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #77  October 21,2009, 3:46pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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scarlet13 wrote :
i've had a guy say to me when i offered to pay for a second date dinner "uh oh, you must be one of those feminist types"

Sounds like he thought that was a negative thing ("uh oh")....but I doubt you do. So maybe you communicated valuable information to him (and he to you).
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #78  October 21,2009, 3:49pm
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jayjay wrote :
Sounds like he thought that was a negative thing ("uh oh")....but I doubt you do. So maybe you communicated valuable information to him (and he to you).
yeah, the information that he's not less of a man because i can afford dinner was apparently lost on him.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #79  October 21,2009, 3:52pm
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so which is it?

does a guy want to be the protector/provider and also be expected to pay for dinner and initiate communication, or does he expect an equal partnership and risk emasculation?

seriously, I'd like to know. please.
 
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alissag is offline alissag Post #80  October 21,2009, 3:53pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
i've had a guy say to me when i offered to pay for a second date dinner "uh oh, you must be one of those feminist types"
I've had this happen to me, too! We can't win. We're either freeloaders or independent feminists LOL
 
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