scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #31  October 21,2009, 11:30am
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I sense danger.
 
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DreamingOfAtlantis is offline DreamingOfAtlantis Post #32  October 21,2009, 11:31am
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finally finished writing the screenplay "Dreaming of Altantis!"

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I ask the gender role question of all my eH matches (the VERY few I get). In the past when this topic came up, specifically focused on that question, many people said when they get that question, they figure the asker wants traditional gender roles. I ask it to screen out women who think only in those roles.

I'm still exhausted from starting and writing all the software for my IT business. It took about 8 years and 18 months later I still feel a certain exhaustion whenever I have to look at a terminal screen instead of a browser or word processor. But I did it for a reason: I wanted freedom. I wanted to spend the rest of my life being able to write my own scripts and producing them, even if it's only direct to DVD.

I also did it for another big reason: I still want kids (yeah, too old, I know -- don't go there) and when I have kids, I do not want to be that man that comes home from work just before supper and is too tired to interact with the rest of the family. I want to go to their school plays and see their soccer games and be a part of their lives. Now I spend my days writing, walking, bicycling, and ballroom dancing. It would be much easier for me to adapt my schedule to get the kids to school, come home and write, then pick them up or be at the bus stop when they get home, than it would be for a woman.

I don't think that a woman that expects traditional gender roles would do well in a relationship with me. My income, until the film production makes a profit, is passive and most of my work is at home. I'm not going to be anywhere near the traditional "breadwinner," but that's because I've worked hard to put myself in a position beyond that kind of environment.

On the other end, if I meed someone who thinks my situation and passive income is just a reason to not have to work, and that it means she can just not worry about a job or putting in effort into making sure we have the resources a household needs, then I'm not going to be interested in her.

When I was a teacher, it was not unusual to be turned down by women who said teachers didn't make enough money or weren't on a good, responsible career track, that I learned to avoid women that care more about a man's career or income than the man himself.
 
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DreamingOfAtlantis is offline DreamingOfAtlantis Post #33  October 21,2009, 11:32am
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shoopthedoop wrote :
Personally I wouldn't see becoming a librarian as an ambitious goal. If you wanted to be the head of a library that is something different. Maybe it's just a matter of definition. What about being a librarian would you see as ambitious?
How do you define ambition?
 
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pamcam is offline pamcam Post #34  October 21,2009, 11:38am
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Our purpose is to grow, change, evolve, and mature into fully human....beings...where we overcome the painful socialization of roles. There will always be differences; I choose to celebrate and embrace them in myself and a partner. Gender does not matter. Gender roles are MOST limiting and oppressive. I don't define myself by them, any more than I define myself by my career. I think our goal is transcend them, step out of our comfort zone, and do 'things' we might not normally do, such as a woman becoming sexually aggressive in the bedroom w/ a partner who ALLOWS and gives her the freedom, while he RECEIVES from her, or my partner who I allow to become more nurturing and tender. This way we heal those 'parts' of ourselves that we denied and repressed due to parenting and socialization and we EACH become more whole.
 
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alissag is offline alissag Post #35  October 21,2009, 11:44am
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jayjay... you asked some questions and I'm new to this board thing so not sure how to include your post in mine....

"Do you think that is a role that can be compatible with a woman having a career....or is this an either/or?"

I can be nurturer while having a career, but would want my SO to share in household and child rearing responsibilities. I can juggle lots and multi-task well, but, I'm not superwoman, pretty close though . If both parties have a career, then both parties share the responsibilities... It's a partnership... this is just what I want and look for.

"So....how much of the time do you want him to take this role, what is your role then....and what are both your roles like the other % of the time?"

There is no set percentage, like sassafras said, it's fluid, there will always be an ebb and flow.

"This brings up a point that I'm very interested in: are the roles, such as 'protector/provider' and 'nurterer' strictly external (the work each person does) or are they principally internal and reflect the emotional/psychological contributions of each person within the relationship?"

They can be strictly one or the other or both. Depending on what each individual wants them to be.. You decide for yourself what they are. Do you want them to be strictly one or the other? I look for the duality in a partner, they can take on either role when necessary, both externally and internally. The ebb and flow thing.

Not sure I hit everything you had asked... but I have to get back to "bringing home the bacon".
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #36  October 21,2009, 11:48am
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DreamingOfAtlantis wrote :
How do you define ambition?
A desire for personal achievement.

Attaining the education for becoming a librarian is a noteworthy goal, but no desire to move up from that position over the course of a career wouldn't be.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #37  October 21,2009, 11:50am
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alissag wrote :
jayjay... you asked some questions and I'm new to this board thing so not sure how to include your post in mine....
at the bottom of the post you want to quote, there is a button that says Quote. hit that button and his post will appear in a response box.

if you want to break up parts of his quote to respond to individually,

just put this [quote*] at the beginning of the sentance you want to quote and this [/quote*] at the end (without the asterisks)

or you can highlight the part and click the box at the top that looks like a word balloon next to the picture of a mountain. that will wrap the text in the quote tags.



no need to thank me, just pay it forward.
 
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alissag is offline alissag Post #38  October 21,2009, 11:56am
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scarlet13 wrote :
at the bottom of the post you want to quote, there is a button that says Quote. hit that button and his post will appear in a response box.

if you want to break up parts of his quote to respond to individually,

just put this [quote*] at the beginning of the sentance you want to quote and this [/quote*] at the end (without the asterisks)

or you can highlight the part and click the box at the top that looks like a word balloon next to the picture of a mountain. that will wrap the text in the quote tags.



no need to thank me, just pay it forward.
testing and saying thank you.... though, I'll still pay it forward
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #39  October 21,2009, 12:00pm
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no stuntman surprises or houdini like disguises for death defying escape

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alissag wrote :
testing and saying thank you.... though, I'll still pay it forward
anytime.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #40  October 21,2009, 12:02pm
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shoopthedoop wrote :
A desire for personal achievement.

Attaining the education for becoming a librarian is a noteworthy goal, but no desire to move up from that position over the course of a career wouldn't be.
Shoop, you might not realize what librarians do...they don't just stand there and scan your books. They make decisions about what to put library resources into, they help people do research, they foster childrens' and adults' desire to learn, they sponsor art exhibits, speakers, forums, community groups etc., they create and maintain an environment that encourages people to grow. Becoming a head librarian is like becoming a CEO -- many library budgets are pretty big and the organizations are big.

And that's just public libraries. Specialized or private librarians maintain the historical record of an organization and foster its workings.

Hooray for librarians! I love them.
 
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