scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #21  October 21,2009, 9:46am
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jayjay wrote :
This brings up a point that I'm very interested in: are the roles, such as 'protector/provider' and 'nurterer' strictly external (the work each person does) or are they principally internal and reflect the emotional/psychological contributions of each person within the relationship?
probably a little bit of both. or they would be in my ideal relationship- i need nurturing too, dangit.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #22  October 21,2009, 9:48am
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jayjay wrote :
Do you think that is a role that can be compatible with a woman having a career....or is this an either/or?
Sometimes doing both is a choice and sometimes it's a necessity.

I think that it's a valid choice to focus on raising children and keeping home fires burning bright, and that it's worth making other sacrifices in order to be able to do it (because your kids are worth that). Keeping a balance between a career (which generally involves more than simply having a job -- although that, too, can be very demanding) and doing all that is needed for the former is very difficult and a constant topic among women in professions. It is especially difficult if one's spouse does not pick up a good portion of the responsibilities and/or if you do not have the resources to farm them out (e.g., hire a housekeeper, accountant, nanny, etc.).

The reality, of course, is that most women do somehow make it work (they have no other choice), but that doesn't mean that sacrifices don't get made or that either role is being filled in the way she would like to be able to fill it... There are very often career costs to childcare responsibilities (which tend to fall disproportionately on the mother, although there are of course exceptions), just as there are costs to children of having parents who are highly focused on work.
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #23  October 21,2009, 9:52am
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On the whole, I'd say I'm pretty traditional, but there are some twists. I think I'm responsible for shoeing initiative in a relationship. It is very important to me to have one parent at home raising the kids full time. I think it's my responsibility to be able to provide for my family....however, if the woman I married was very career-driven I'd be open to being a stay-at-home dad and having her be the breadwinner.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #24  October 21,2009, 9:54am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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scarlet13 wrote :
personally, I don't look for a protector/provider. i've lived in some of the carpiest neighborhoods in NJ and have successful thwarted a carjacking attempt, a mugging (of a friend) and a home invasion, so i'm all good on that.
Well, of course....you're CatWoman.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #25  October 21,2009, 9:58am
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jayjay wrote :
Well, of course....you're CatWoman.
truthfully, the mugging was a fluke. when the guy grabbed my friends purse, she fell into me and he and i got tangled up and fell over.

Clumsiness FTW
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #26  October 21,2009, 10:44am
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keepitreal4love wrote :
that is 100 percent false and a typical elitist attitude I see from people on eharmony, it depends on your career path it has nothing to do with ambition some careers such as careers as social work do not pay anywhere near what a career in engineering does. get your facts straight buddy.
Thanks for that tough guy.

From what I am making now someone would have to be working retail or service sector to make significantly less than what I am now.

Yes, even a social worker wouldn't make significantly less than I am now.
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #27  October 21,2009, 10:56am
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shoopthedoop wrote :
If someone was making significantly less than I am now it would be a reflection of lack of ambition, which is a difference that would be tough to deal with.
May I change your "would" to "could"?

People can be ambitious career-wise in different ways. Typically we think as money being the motivator. But people can be very ambitious in pursuing career goals that don't have a lot of monetary reward. For me to ambitious by your definition, I would need to abandon the only career I have pursued since age 19.

I once applied for a job at a large district public library in my state. The money they were willing to pay for the best possible candidate with a master's degree and experience was $25K. That was the day I abandoned my goal to become a public librarian.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #28  October 21,2009, 10:59am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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librarybabe wrote :
That was the day I abandoned my goal to become a public librarian.
And why I abandoned my goal to be a Personal Experimenter.
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #29  October 21,2009, 11:00am
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alissag wrote :
Now in terms of women wanting a "provider/protector" type of man... Personally, I want a man that has the capability but I don't necessarily want him to take that role in our relationship 100% of the time. Guess it comes down to that strong sensitive type.
I get what alissag is referring to. I'm dating an EH guy that is a lawyer defending criminals and juvenile delinquents. He grew up in a rough neighborhood and still got a law degree from a well-regarded law school.

Even though he seems pretty mild-mannered, there's a toughness that I can glean from his stories. He can take care of himself when dealing with society's underbelly. The psychological rub-off for me is that I think if the situation could arise, he would be able to protect me too.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #30  October 21,2009, 11:29am
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librarybabe wrote :
May I change your "would" to "could"?

People can be ambitious career-wise in different ways. Typically we think as money being the motivator. But people can be very ambitious in pursuing career goals that don't have a lot of monetary reward. For me to ambitious by your definition, I would need to abandon the only career I have pursued since age 19.

I once applied for a job at a large district public library in my state. The money they were willing to pay for the best possible candidate with a master's degree and experience was $25K. That was the day I abandoned my goal to become a public librarian.
Personally I wouldn't see becoming a librarian as an ambitious goal. If you wanted to be the head of a library that is something different. Maybe it's just a matter of definition. What about being a librarian would you see as ambitious?
 
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