Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 3 of 27 1 2 3 4 5 13 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
scarlet13 scarlet13 is offline
scarlet13's Avatar

scarlet13 and i found out where my edge is and it bleeds into where you resist

Virtuoso

Join Date: Apr 2009

Posts: 3,879

See profile

jayjay wrote :
This brings up a point that I'm very interested in: are the roles, such as 'protector/provider' and 'nurterer' strictly external (the work each person does) or are they principally internal and reflect the emotional/psychological contributions of each person within the relationship?
probably a little bit of both. or they would be in my ideal relationship- i need nurturing too, dangit.
- October 21st, 2009, 10:46 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#21   Reply With Quote
neardc neardc is offline
neardc's Avatar

neardc What year is it again?

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,473

See profile

jayjay wrote :
Do you think that is a role that can be compatible with a woman having a career....or is this an either/or?
Sometimes doing both is a choice and sometimes it's a necessity.

I think that it's a valid choice to focus on raising children and keeping home fires burning bright, and that it's worth making other sacrifices in order to be able to do it (because your kids are worth that). Keeping a balance between a career (which generally involves more than simply having a job -- although that, too, can be very demanding) and doing all that is needed for the former is very difficult and a constant topic among women in professions. It is especially difficult if one's spouse does not pick up a good portion of the responsibilities and/or if you do not have the resources to farm them out (e.g., hire a housekeeper, accountant, nanny, etc.).

The reality, of course, is that most women do somehow make it work (they have no other choice), but that doesn't mean that sacrifices don't get made or that either role is being filled in the way she would like to be able to fill it... There are very often career costs to childcare responsibilities (which tend to fall disproportionately on the mother, although there are of course exceptions), just as there are costs to children of having parents who are highly focused on work.
- October 21st, 2009, 10:48 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#22   Reply With Quote
cardguy cardguy is online now
cardguy's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 784

See profile

On the whole, I'd say I'm pretty traditional, but there are some twists. I think I'm responsible for shoeing initiative in a relationship. It is very important to me to have one parent at home raising the kids full time. I think it's my responsibility to be able to provide for my family....however, if the woman I married was very career-driven I'd be open to being a stay-at-home dad and having her be the breadwinner.
- October 21st, 2009, 10:52 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#23   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,275

See profile

scarlet13 wrote :
personally, I don't look for a protector/provider. i've lived in some of the carpiest neighborhoods in NJ and have successful thwarted a carjacking attempt, a mugging (of a friend) and a home invasion, so i'm all good on that.
Well, of course....you're CatWoman.
- October 21st, 2009, 10:54 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#24   Reply With Quote
scarlet13 scarlet13 is offline
scarlet13's Avatar

scarlet13 and i found out where my edge is and it bleeds into where you resist

Virtuoso

Join Date: Apr 2009

Posts: 3,879

See profile

jayjay wrote :
Well, of course....you're CatWoman.
truthfully, the mugging was a fluke. when the guy grabbed my friends purse, she fell into me and he and i got tangled up and fell over.

Clumsiness FTW
- October 21st, 2009, 10:58 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#25   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

shoopthedoop shoopthedoop is offline
shoopthedoop's Avatar

shoopthedoop is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 812

See profile

keepitreal4love wrote :
that is 100 percent false and a typical elitist attitude I see from people on eharmony, it depends on your career path it has nothing to do with ambition some careers such as careers as social work do not pay anywhere near what a career in engineering does. get your facts straight buddy.
Thanks for that tough guy.

From what I am making now someone would have to be working retail or service sector to make significantly less than what I am now.

Yes, even a social worker wouldn't make significantly less than I am now.
- October 21st, 2009, 11:44 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#26   Reply With Quote
librarybabe librarybabe is online now
librarybabe's Avatar

librarybabe wird mit sehnsuechtige Liebe ueberwaeltigt!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 571

See profile

shoopthedoop wrote :
If someone was making significantly less than I am now it would be a reflection of lack of ambition, which is a difference that would be tough to deal with.
May I change your "would" to "could"?

People can be ambitious career-wise in different ways. Typically we think as money being the motivator. But people can be very ambitious in pursuing career goals that don't have a lot of monetary reward. For me to ambitious by your definition, I would need to abandon the only career I have pursued since age 19.

I once applied for a job at a large district public library in my state. The money they were willing to pay for the best possible candidate with a master's degree and experience was $25K. That was the day I abandoned my goal to become a public librarian.
- October 21st, 2009, 11:56 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#27   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,275

See profile

librarybabe wrote :
That was the day I abandoned my goal to become a public librarian.
And why I abandoned my goal to be a Personal Experimenter.
- October 21st, 2009, 11:59 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#28   Reply With Quote
Shelby Shelby is offline
Shelby's Avatar

Shelby is trying to decide which way to go.

Veteran

Join Date: Nov 2007

Posts: 1,183

See profile

alissag wrote :
Now in terms of women wanting a "provider/protector" type of man... Personally, I want a man that has the capability but I don't necessarily want him to take that role in our relationship 100% of the time. Guess it comes down to that strong sensitive type.
I get what alissag is referring to. I'm dating an EH guy that is a lawyer defending criminals and juvenile delinquents. He grew up in a rough neighborhood and still got a law degree from a well-regarded law school.

Even though he seems pretty mild-mannered, there's a toughness that I can glean from his stories. He can take care of himself when dealing with society's underbelly. The psychological rub-off for me is that I think if the situation could arise, he would be able to protect me too.
- October 21st, 2009, 12:00 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#29   Reply With Quote
shoopthedoop shoopthedoop is offline
shoopthedoop's Avatar

shoopthedoop is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 812

See profile

librarybabe wrote :
May I change your "would" to "could"?

People can be ambitious career-wise in different ways. Typically we think as money being the motivator. But people can be very ambitious in pursuing career goals that don't have a lot of monetary reward. For me to ambitious by your definition, I would need to abandon the only career I have pursued since age 19.

I once applied for a job at a large district public library in my state. The money they were willing to pay for the best possible candidate with a master's degree and experience was $25K. That was the day I abandoned my goal to become a public librarian.
Personally I wouldn't see becoming a librarian as an ambitious goal. If you wanted to be the head of a library that is something different. Maybe it's just a matter of definition. What about being a librarian would you see as ambitious?
- October 21st, 2009, 12:29 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#30   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 3 of 27 1 2 3 4 5 13 Last »

Bookmarks

« Bye-Bye Baby Steps! | Array | To shave or not to shave; this is the question »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Gender and dating brneyedangel Dating 153 September 27th, 2009 10:13 pm
Friends of opposite gender / effects on relationships? eH_Advice_Admin_Lori Relationships 2 June 24th, 2009 12:31 pm
The negative gender stereotype that says ____________ hurts ME as a person because ____________ eH_Advice_Admin_Lori About You 12 June 15th, 2009 05:50 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Did you get a Civic or an Accord?” – PY_2

Join the “I fell in love with my car salesman,someone help me” discussion

“I called to try to get an appointment with an OB/GYN, and they are already scheduling for late summer. That is too late. My match might like me, and like me an awful lot, but he's not a man of ... ” – Iconography

Join the “Update” discussion

“I'll say no, but actually yes. I consider love to be a connection based on mutual respect, trust and understanding, shared future goals, etc., and these can only come over time. You really don't ... ” – StuckOnYou

Join the “Is love at first sight real?” discussion

“I was snowed in Friday and Saturday. I managed to dig myself out enough to go visit the woman I've been dating. Originally I was just going to visit her for a few hours then go to a superbowl party, ... ” – rbk

Join the “Monday, February 8th weekend and date roundup!” discussion

“ lol i just saw your profile and you're friends with froggie...when it comes to money, he's the expert in this area ” – PY_2

Join the “That WAS a compliment... I think?!” discussion

“It's not an exclusively female thing. I've had many female friends tell me that guys have said this very same thing to them. When I say, "I want to take things slow," I mean exactly that. I don't ... ” – brneyedangel

Join the “'Take things slow'.....(with YOU)” discussion

“We all do things we regret when we are getting to know someone, that is why "dating is hell". The only thing that comes out to me and I am being honest, if a guy showed up with no car - I would ... ” – Spumone

Join the “Rough Start” discussion

“Many psychologists agree that people take less than 30 seconds to decide on their impression of someone and decide if they're interested or not. If that's true, then ladies, once you've read ... ” – BigP

Join the “Ladies, do you decide in the first 30 seconds if you're interetsed? And, what are you looking for in a first impression?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:27 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0