Gender roles

The man is the dominant one, decision maker, and all of my feelings, opinions etc. carry less weight and are of less consequence. We aren't emotional equals. This is what I experienced in my marriage and has definitely influenced my way of thinking..

I have no problem recognizing this type of personality and staying far away from it.

There were many contributing factors to it all. My marriage situation was different, over 12 years it evolved into the controlling, take, take. As I stated earlier in the thread, this didn't rear it's ugly head until I quit work to stay home with the kids, 5 years into the marriage.

I would expect there would be some differences between how we discussed and worked through problems at the start of the relationship. As long as the other person came into the relationship willing to discuss and work through problems that's all I would care about.



It could reflect other differences between us. This goes back more to the education/income thread. I'm at the cusp of making good money now, but not quite there. If someone was making significantly less than I am now it would be a reflection of lack of ambition, which is a difference that would be tough to deal with.

jayjay I love this thread and I think you are dead on with your question....

Now, I understand that not everyman is like this, but my ex husband's idea of equality in a relationship changed once he became the sole bread winner. This was shocking to me as he ASKED me to stay home once kids came along. To this day i can play the conversation in my head like a video. He thought it important that our kids were not in day care but raised by me. Being raised by their mother was worth more than any dollar amount I made. And, we were fortunate enough to have this as an option.

Unfortunately, as soon as I stopped working, I was no longer an equal in his eyes. I cannot tell you how many times I heard him say "well, I make the money" WT...! I no longer had equal say in decision making and it filtered into every aspect of our relationship. In the end he was treating me and interacting with me in a completely different manner. No longer were my feelings or opinions of any importance or value. The equality, respect and admiration had vanished.

I have no problem with traditional gender roles in a relationship as long as they still see each others as equals and partners. Some people are steadfast in their perceptions of gender roles (I'm speaking in terms of both "chore" responsibilities and emotional) For others, however, those roles will be molded and have a different definition depending on the person they are with.

< snip >
And sorry if someone has already said this. I haven't read the whole thread yet!

Brits ALWAYS apologise for things that are not their fault.


I don't know why this is, but I HEART them for it and find it endearing.

I don't know. It seems that your ex-husband was insecure & needed to feel dominant over you to compensate for that.

I think that you said it well that there is a spectrum & you probably need to find someone that is at a diiferent point in that line.

It sounds like you would give & he would take & take advantage. I can usually spot that type of personality...especially in a guy. It is usually easier to recognize things in your own gender unfortunately.

Recognizing certain insecurities & controlling attitudes would be helpful in your situation.

OK. Got it.

Read the whole thread and discovered...............................

It's bogus. Gener roles are bogus.

In my next relationship (and to be fair I had it in my past ones too) I want us to do things for each other because we love each other. I want us to take care of each other because we are two people who care about each other.

He doesn't have to do things for me because he imagines as a man he's supposed to do 'em and I won't do things for him because that's my role as a woman.

Sorted.

Thanks folks.

OK. Got it.

Read the whole thread and discovered...............................

It's bogus. Gender roles are bogus.

In my next relationship (and to be fair I had it in my past ones too) I want us to do things for each other because we love each other. I want us to take care of each other because we are two people who care about each other.

He doesn't have to do things for me because he imagines as a man he's supposed to do 'em and I won't do things for him because that's my role as a woman.

Sorted.

Thanks folks.