lololo is offline lololo Post #161  October 21,2009, 8:09pm
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Quotes from earlier posts: "This brings up a point that I'm very interested in: are the roles, such as 'protector/provider' and 'nurterer' strictly external (the work each person does) or are they principally internal and reflect the emotional/psychological contributions of each person within the relationship?"

"They can be strictly one or the other or both. Depending on what each individual wants them to be.. You decide for yourself what they are. Do you want them to be strictly one or the other? I look for the duality in a partner, they can take on either role when necessary, both externally and internally. The ebb and flow thing."



For me the role of protector/provider is internal, unrelated to job or relative income. I am financially independent so I don't need a breadwinner. I am attracted, though, to the "safe harbor" idea .. . that my partner protects me from becoming overwhelmed and provides emotional security. My corresponding role? Not sure. Not maternal, that's for sure. I'm a risk taker and a creative type. Maybe I keep things entertaining?
Last edited by lololo; October 21,2009 at 8:39pm. Reason: unclear that I was quoting
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #162  October 21,2009, 8:12pm
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jayjay wrote :
Well.....does it matter to you? For some people certain issues aren't critical. Also....I don't see as it matters if someone is offended by what you want for yourself. What business is it of theirs? You just need to find what is right for you. No?
hmm ... thought provoking

It's a mindset I have perhaps. If I go out with someone, I like them and I want them to have a good time. Offending them means they won't. I generally just try to treat people the way I think they want to be treated ... unless it is something I just can't do.

Make sense?

Probably not. Oh well, it makes sense to me. lol

I don't know All this who pays and the implications people put on it ... makes my head spin. I have no idea what I think about it.
Last edited by nightling; October 21,2009 at 8:14pm.
 
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alissag is offline alissag Post #163  October 21,2009, 8:15pm
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jayjay wrote :
Ok....but in any case, can I watch.......?
nightling wrote :
Usually I get to the end of these threads and I have reached a conclusion in my mind about where I'm at on the subject. This one has me perplexed. Am I a feminist? Tradionalist?

I don't seem to fit either. And it seems like whatever way you go, someone will be offended ...

Where's the middle road?
I know I'm not a feminist and I'm not a tradionalist, I have traits/opinions of both. To a certain extent I think most do, it's a matter of where you fit in the spectrum.

You don't have to fit either one, there will always be someone that that gets offended. The trick is finding one that doesn't.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #164  October 21,2009, 8:20pm
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I think that when you mingle your life with that of another you have to be able to adjust all roles to a slight degree from your preference.

I think the middle road has to be reached thru compromise.

I think that 2 people should be able to work together to solve most any problem or challenge.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #165  October 21,2009, 8:25pm
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bigfincat wrote :
I think that when you mingle your life with that of another you have to be able to adjust all roles to a slight degree from your preference.

I think the middle road has to be reached thru compromise.

I think that 2 people should be able to work together to solve most any problem or challenge.
I guess this is kind of where I am at on things. I have hardly any particular preconceived notions about who does what. Shouldn't it be based on what makes the two people involved happiest?

But with such a wide spectrum of opinions and people seemingly so easily offended ... how do you figure out what that is? Seems like the wide spectrum starts from the beginning, with something so simple as who initiates.

/shrug

I have been out of the game for too long I guess. lol
 
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DreamingOfAtlantis is offline DreamingOfAtlantis Post #166  October 21,2009, 8:29pm
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nightling wrote :
...But with such a wide spectrum of opinions and people seemingly so easily offended ... how do you figure out what that is?...
I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to be PC. If a woman is THAT easily offended, then I don't really care if me just being me offends her on a date. I'd rather know we're not going to work out early, before I invest a lot of time with her.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #167  October 21,2009, 8:31pm
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nightling wrote :
hmm ... thought provoking

It's a mindset I have perhaps. If I go out with someone, I like them and I want them to have a good time. Offending them means they won't. I generally just try to treat people the way I think they want to be treated ... unless it is something I just can't do.

Make sense?

Probably not. Oh well, it makes sense to me. lol
Treating people they way you think they want to be treated is a great approach. Far too few people approach relationships in that way. It must really hurt when you go about things that way and the other person still chooses to end it.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #168  October 21,2009, 8:34pm
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shoopthedoop wrote :
Treating people they way you think they want to be treated is a great approach. Far too few people approach relationships in that way. It must really hurt when you go about things that way and the other person still chooses to end it.
The end of a relationship always hurts in some respects. I miss the person. But I always feel it is the right outcome. I only want to be in a relationship with someone who really wants to be in one. And so from that standpoint, it doesn't really hurt at all. It frees me.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #169  October 21,2009, 8:40pm
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DreamingOfAtlantis wrote :
I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to be PC. If a woman is THAT easily offended, then I don't really care if me just being me offends her on a date. I'd rather know we're not going to work out early, before I invest a lot of time with her.
To me I'm not talking about changing personalities or anything here. I'm just saying if I like someone, I want to please them. Why else would I go out with them? But all these widely varying opinions ...

Am I wrong? Shouldn't we be trying to do things based on how it will make the other person feel if they are someone we like and we want them to have a nice time on the date or in the relationship in general?

suddenly the world seems a very complicated place to me. lol
Last edited by nightling; October 21,2009 at 8:42pm.
 
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DreamingOfAtlantis is offline DreamingOfAtlantis Post #170  October 21,2009, 8:45pm
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nightling wrote :
To me I'm not talking about changing personalities or anything here. I'm just saying if I like someone, I want to please them. Why else would I go out with them? But all these widely varying opinions ...

Am I wrong? Shouldn't we be trying to do things based on how it will make the other person feel if they are someone we like and we want them to have a nice time on the date or in the relationship in general?

suddenly the world seems a very complicated place to me. lol
It seems to me, in this case, it comes down to whether you can please that person while, at the same time, being and pleasing yourself.

If we spend all our time deciding what to do or say because we want to please someone else, then we are basing our behaviors and speech on them and not on who we are.
 
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