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scarlet13 wrote :
so which is it?

does a guy want to be the protector/provider and also be expected to pay for dinner and initiate communication, or does he expect an equal partnership and risk emasculation?

seriously, I'd like to know. please.
I want an equal. I know who I am. I know I'm a man. Whether you help pay for dinner (or pay for it all) or not does not make me any more or less of a man.
- October 21st, 2009, 05:27 pm
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alissag wrote :
I second your request! Come on guys, give us some insight here.
Give me a feminist who knows her own self over a woman that just wants me to be traditional because it's some role she expects and grew up with any day of the week and twice on Friday.
- October 21st, 2009, 05:28 pm
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jayjay wrote :
But, yes...generally if a woman doesn't have an internal desire for a man to be a 'provider/protector' in some form then I probably won't have much interest in a relationship with her. Well, unless maybe she's super hot. lol
jayjay wrote :
DL Though, what I don't understand is why some of them hang onto the vestiges of old traditions like waiting for the man to initiate communication, for him to pay for dates etc.
ok, Either I'm confused, BigFinCat, or you are.

my question, and i'm not being a jerk, I truly want to know:

If you (jayjay in this case,lol) cannot be interested in a woman if she doesn't need a Provider, but doesn't understand why she would expect him to pay for dinner- isn't this wanting it both ways?

seriously. I don't expect or care who pays for dinner, but if i pay i run the risk of a man not being interested in me because he can't be the "provider"?

I give up if that's the case. I'm switching teams.
- October 21st, 2009, 05:32 pm
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DreamingOfAtlantis wrote :
Give me a feminist who knows her own self over a woman that just wants me to be traditional because it's some role she expects and grew up with any day of the week and twice on Friday.
Any role, ranging across the traditional/feminist spectrum might be 'her own self'....just as a 'role she expects and grew up with' could be anywhere on this spectrum. I think it's a mistake to assume that a woman's true self is one of these and the cultural expectation is another.
- October 21st, 2009, 05:33 pm
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jayjay wrote :
Do you have any overdue or late book fees pending? lol
Shhhhh....

Oh, sorry. The librarian should be saying that, not me!
- October 21st, 2009, 05:33 pm
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DreamingOfAtlantis wrote :
Before or after you come over and cook me dinner?
if you want to eat my cooking you are a brave, brave man.

I make a mean Dirty Martini though and give killer massages.
- October 21st, 2009, 05:34 pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
if you want to eat my cooking you are a brave, brave man.

I make a mean Dirty Martini though and give killer massages.
If, instead of a Dirty Martini, you can make a Vesper, then you had me from "brave man."
- October 21st, 2009, 05:36 pm
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DreamingOfAtlantis wrote :
If, instead of a Dirty Martini, you can make a Vesper, then you had me from "brave man."
gin, vodka and Lillet, right?

ETA: i'd have to google it to know exactly.
- October 21st, 2009, 05:39 pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
ok, Either I'm confused, BigFinCat, or you are.

my question, and i'm not being a jerk, I truly want to know:

If you (jayjay in this case,lol) cannot be interested in a woman if she doesn't need a Provider, but doesn't understand why she would expect him to pay for dinner- isn't this wanting it both ways?

seriously. I don't expect or care who pays for dinner, but if i pay i run the risk of a man not being interested in me because he can't be the "provider"?

I give up if that's the case. I'm switching teams.
OK....I think I see where the miscommunication is. When I wrote to DL that I don't understand why these women would hold onto wanting a man to pay for dinner....I meant the women who claim they want complete equality in relationships. I didn't mean she shouldn't want him to pay for a date....just that it isn't consistent with the complete equality.

Also, while I'll almost always pay for a first date I'm happy letting a woman pay after that...or pay for 1/2 of a first date if she really wants to. Again....it isn't the specifics of who does what that is important to me....it's in the attitude and emotion that is communicated.
- October 21st, 2009, 05:40 pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
gin, vodka and Lillet, right?

ETA: i'd have to google it to know exactly.


I'm impressed! (Assuming you knew that WITHOUT Google!)

So, to keep this on topic, traditionally who would mix the martinis and from your point of view, do you even care as long as they're mixed well?

(For the record, 1 part Gordons, 3 parts vodka, 1/2 part Lillet Blanc (replacing the original Kino Lillet that no longer exists), shake over crushed ice until ice cold, then pour in a wine glass and serve with a small, long slice of lemon peel in it.)
- October 21st, 2009, 05:43 pm
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