DreamingOfAtlantis is offline DreamingOfAtlantis Post #91  October 21,2009, 4:16pm
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librarybabe wrote :
From what I read above, it sounds like you think a librarian is not ambitious, but being a library director is? Why? Simply because the library director has reached the apex of their particular ladder? Would not this mean that anyone who did not desire to be the CEO of their company was a slacker, as well? I would also point out that the amount of responsibility that the librarians in my university library carry far excels the responsibility of the director of the small public library where I started my career. Was she somehow more ambitious than they?

In my experience, library directors of larger libraries must give up their passion for librarianship. They become administrators. I have no aspirations of becoming an administrator, so I suppose I am a slacker. I admit, creating budgets and long range plans, attending meetings, managing the petty grievances of personnel and delegating library work to others are not the kind of responsibilities that drew me to librarianship.

I don't know what your definition of personal achievement is, but I consider each day that my abilities are challenged to help someone a personal achievement. I find exciting and challenging each time I find the answer to a question it never occurred to me to ask & on a topic of which I know little. Every time I find the right book that makes a kid excited to read or inspires in them the desire to learn. I feel like I have acoomplished something whenever I teach someone who is a computer illiterate how to use a computer and use it write papers, job resumes and do research on the internet using reputable and reliable sources. I love to learn and I find great personal satisfaction in promoting that same love in others and assisting them in discovering more about the world that interests them. This may not result in much in the way of financial reward, but for me, it is very rewarding.

If that measure of personal achievement is insufficient for you, than I can just say that it is good that you did not become a librarian.
Wow! I'm impressed.

Marry me?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #92  October 21,2009, 4:18pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
does a guy want to be the protector/provider and also be expected to pay for dinner and initiate communication, or does he expect an equal partnership and risk emasculation?

There are some of each, and in between.

Then, are the opposite extreme: guys who will take advantage of a woman.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #93  October 21,2009, 4:18pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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DreamingOfAtlantis wrote :
Wow! I'm impressed.

Marry me?
Do you have any overdue or late book fees pending? lol
 
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pamcam is offline pamcam Post #94  October 21,2009, 4:18pm
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In real life (or on EH), I've never had a problem approaching men and initiating and opening the door to communication. It's who I am. Also, I think it helped that throughout my life, beginning in my late teens-early twenties, men expressed to me how appreciative they were that I did, as I think I became aware of how they at times felt awkward or insecure or afraid of rejection and how they saw it as self-confidence and boldness. Nor do I buy into that 'only' the man can call first, not that I don't appreciate it when they do.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #95  October 21,2009, 4:20pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
you could always say "no"

I do. I also put her into the "no possible commitment" category at that time.

I do a decent job protecting myself, it's just intensly frustrating to have such a large portion of women wanting something for nothing.

Just human nature, though.
 
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DreamingOfAtlantis is offline DreamingOfAtlantis Post #96  October 21,2009, 4:21pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
hmm.

see, i just see them as nice things you do for someone in a relationship, and they should be apprieciated, man or woman. i don't think that it's exclusive to being a protector.

BUT

if you want to come over and do some yardwork for me...
Before or after you come over and cook me dinner?
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #97  October 21,2009, 4:22pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
I stated that because of JayJay's statement which i quoted above.
I get your question.

It is a good one for a stereotypical guy.

How can he reconcile that? Being easily emasculated but still expecting to be viewed as the tough protector.

I would say that it is all about expectations. I think that having a list of specific things that you expect from a partner without factoring in personality or talent is going to lead to disappointment. It is unreasonable to have such expectations of specific behavior. Reeks of control issues.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #98  October 21,2009, 4:23pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I do. I also put her into the "no possible commitment" category at that time.

I do a decent job protecting myself, it's just intensly frustrating to have such a large portion of women wanting something for nothing.

Just human nature, though.
It's not human nature at all. you are just clearly dating in the Dating Pit Of Despair known as NJ.
 
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redevil999 is offline redevil999 Post #99  October 21,2009, 4:26pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
sometimes men expect that too, though. there are plenty of men out there that assign an agenda to a woman offering to pay or a woman who asks a guy out.

i've had a guy say to me when i offered to pay for a second date dinner "uh oh, you must be one of those feminist types"


I've had another instance when i asked a man out who thought i meant we were just going to boink. he said, and this is a quote:
"so, this isn't just a sex thing?"

seriously. I don't know what to do anymore.
I was in New Jersey awhile back on a business trip and went to a club with some of the people I was working with. I commented to them about women asking men to dance and one of the guys said "If a girl asks me to dance, I assume it's a sure thing and I'm going home with her" WTH?

jayjay wrote :
Sounds like he thought that was a negative thing ("uh oh")....but I doubt you do. So maybe you communicated valuable information to him (and he to you).
I agree jayjay, this would send a clear message to me that the date had just ended.

alissag wrote :
I've had this happen to me, too! We can't win. We're either freeloaders or independent feminists LOL
I've had a guy refer to me as an Alpha female... I'm not even sure exactly what that is, although it seems to be acceptable for men yet not acceptable for women. What do you get when you put an Alpha male with an Alpha female?

jayjay wrote :
I'm not sure specifically what you mean by 'equal'. I definitely want equality in a relationship in the sense that things are 'balanced' and both of us feel we are both treating the other and being treated very well, with no one being taken advantage of. I don't expect a partnership that is 'equal' in the sense that we are identical in our emotional wants or roles.

Also, btw, I have no problem feeling and acting as a 'provider/protector' if I let a woman buy me dinner. Last year I dated a woman for a couple months and I let her take me twice to the nicest and most expensive restaurant in State College.
I think it would be nice if we could see others as individuals without implying that you're either fully one way or fully the other and when it comes to "balance"... I've never seen a 50/50 relationship. I think it's important that the relationship is dynamic and sometimes one will be giving 75% and sometimes 25%.

I would also like to see a little more importance given to things other than money. Yes, it's easier to measure money, but there are so many other things that are important too. Why let money be the only defining factor of how much someone is contributing?
 
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alissag is offline alissag Post #100  October 21,2009, 4:27pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
It's not human nature at all. you are just clearly dating in the Dating Pit Of Despair known as NJ.
Dating Pit Of Despair? LMAO Thank God I don't live there!
 
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