Should I continue talking to this guy?


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Dominoe is offline Dominoe Post #1  October 20,2009, 10:53pm
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Hi y'all,

I've been communicating with a guy for a while now but haven't been able to see him as often as I would like due to job and other commitments on both our parts. We communicated daily for awhile, but lately communication has cut down. Sometimes we don't talk for a couple days at a time. He says he is still interested, and I've even given him many chances at an out. For instance, I've said if he doesn't feel the same as he once did there would be no hard feelings, he assured me that he was still feeling the same. But recently a couple of friends of mine have received requests to communicate from this guy. However, he hasn't really followed up at all with them. He wasn't trying to communicate with matches before.

So I was thinking there may be a couple of reasons here: either he is not interested ( but he could easily just stop answering my calls/texts etc. He actually initiates contact most of the time, even if it is a few days between), his membership is about to expire ( he said he joined for six months) and he wants to make use of it for the last couple of weeks, or maybe he just wants to make sure there is no one better for him on here? Trying to be reasonable and examine all possibilities here.

Should I keep talking to him even if he is still kind of looking? He definitely seems like he may still be interested, but for some reason he is somewhat distancing himself. If he wasn't he would stop calling, stop answering, and take me off his friends lists, right? I've read the advice articles that deal with guys and distancing issues, do those cover all standard possibilities? Thanks all!

Deanna
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #2  October 21,2009, 10:44am
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It doesn't hurt to keep lines open with this person but I hope you are communicating with other people...
 
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Dominoe is offline Dominoe Post #3  October 21,2009, 10:48am
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Actually I wasn't talking to anyone else. I was hoping to enter into a relationship with this guy...
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #4  October 21,2009, 10:54am
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I highly recommend that you diversify your search... don't put all of your eggs into that one basket...
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #5  October 21,2009, 11:26am
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You say neither of you has seen each other as often as you would like? How often do you want to see someone you are in a relationship with?
There's the old saying which I think there is a lot of truth in "if you really want to be with someone, you'll make the time...."
I understand, vacations, etc, but it's up to both of you to agree to get together to establish a relationship in the first place.
Someone else suggested you keeping your options open, maybe he is doing the same (even though he is still interested), simply because you have not seen each other often.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  October 21,2009, 12:36pm
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This topic keeps coming up over and over.I wonder if it is just because I am older than most on here or a personality thing But if I am interested in someone then I will find a way see them.

Maybe it is not a full blown official "date" but if for example I was having to work late then maybe she could come and meet me for a quick dinner then I go back to work. Or she works days and I work nights, so I go and meet her for lunch.

If you are really and truly too busy to see each other at least once a week then maybe one of you is just way too busy to even be thinking about dating at all.
 
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Ciao_eh is offline Ciao_eh Post #7  October 21,2009, 3:06pm
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I am with Dennis on this one. He is keeping his options open and so should you. I did the same when I was dating--talking to a few guys and dating, but when one arrived that was a true keeper, I cut out all the others quickly, as one would expect.

One guy I met on EH arranged to have coffee with me on a Wed morning, then had to cancel. We kept talking--turned out, from what I could tell, he was volume coffee meetings with prospects on Wed and Thursdays, then took the ones that might be keepers out on "free" Friday and/or Saturday. I elected to withdraw from that beauty contest. He was into volume, without investing much into the getting to know anyone well.

Not saying yours is that kind, but building to a relationship takes time on both your parts and it seems too early to tell if you are there, from what you have said. Nor am I saying to write him off, but I would not invest too much in this guy being "the one" until it moves to something more permanent. Meanwhile, have fun dating and seeing what is out there.

I hope it goes well for you!
 
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Dominoe is offline Dominoe Post #8  October 21,2009, 5:15pm
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It's unfortunate because I was talking to other matches at first as well, but was ultimately uninterested in them. Lately I have been trying more matches again, quite a few actually and I can't help comparing them to this one guy. None of the other people I've talked to or been matched with have caught my attention at all. I'm thinking of just throwing in the towel... *sigh*
 
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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #9  October 21,2009, 5:19pm
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Don't throw in the towel.

One of two things will happen with this guy:

1) He'll work out.
2) He won't.

There isn't much you can do about it either way, other than wait, and live the best you can.


- Saul
 
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Ron is offline Ron Post #10  October 21,2009, 6:12pm
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Yes, do keep talking to him. If you sense that he's a little distant, then give him some space and the opportunity to pursue you. Don't corner him by offering repeated "chances at an out"--if he wants out he'll take the out regardless.

To echo what other posters have already said, he's keeping his options open, and you should to do the same.
 
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