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Kristian79 Kristian79 is offline
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About 2 months ago, I finally met up with a EH match I had been communicating with for quite some time. We had a great time...chemistry, comfortable, etc. Right before I dropped him back off at his hotel, he said he'd like for us to meet up again, but that I would have to be patient (very hectic job with lots of international travel). I already knew from the scheduling issues leading up to the first meet up that this was true. About a week later, he threw a date out for about 2 weeks later, but then had to cancel due to work issues. We chat almost nightly on messenger and the attraction is still there, but...he's yet to schedule another date besides say that he wants to see me again and is "working" on it. I'm confused. What do you all think? Oh yeah, we live about 800 miles apart.
- October 20th, 2009, 09:06 pm
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Tyym Tyym is offline
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Kristian79 wrote :
About 2 months ago, I finally met up with a EH match I had been communicating with for quite some time. We had a great time...chemistry, comfortable, etc. Right before I dropped him back off at his hotel, he said he'd like for us to meet up again, but that I would have to be patient (very hectic job with lots of international travel). I already knew from the scheduling issues leading up to the first meet up that this was true. About a week later, he threw a date out for about 2 weeks later, but then had to cancel due to work issues. We chat almost nightly on messenger and the attraction is still there, but...he's yet to schedule another date besides say that he wants to see me again and is "working" on it. I'm confused. What do you all think? Oh yeah, we live about 800 miles apart.
I hate to rain on what you have, but there is a tough reality I hope you'll consider. You've already admitted that your dating experience is tough at best given the busy nature of his work. How do you suppose you'll get to know him really well if you both enter into a relationship. Yes.. you can get to know someone on the phone/skype/webcam/MSN or whatever.... but it's limited. You still have no real idea of what it's like to be in his presence on a regular basis. A great many things are revealed when time and close contact are available. When your heart starts to tug you and you're not able to see him more than once every couple of months for a day or two... will that be enough?

The call is yours of course, but these are some things to consider. I've been in a few long distance relationships and I'm unafraid of entering into another, but I'm going to be darned sure that both of us are going to be very available. For the most part however... I'm looking to stay within easy driving distance (200 miles). I've done 3000 and it's very tough and very expensive... especially when you really like each other.

Just be careful what you wish for or play with... you may just get it.

I hope this helps and the very best to you!
Tim
- October 20th, 2009, 09:27 pm
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When_I_See_You_Smile When_I_See_You_Smile is offline
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I agree with Tim. You have to be really sure that you can handle the time apart, and have a plan for seeing each other on a regular basis. Have either of you been in a long distance relationship before? Does he see any relief in his work schedule in the near future, or is this the way it's always going to be?

It will also help if there's an end in sight to the distance. I know you've only seen each other once, but if things progress, one of you will have to think about making a move to the other person's city. The longer you keep a relationship long distance, the harder it will be to maintain... not impossible, just difficult.

FYI -- There are some other threads here regarding long distance relationships. You can search for them at the top of the page (right-hand corner).

Best of luck to you!

WISYS
- October 20th, 2009, 11:31 pm
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Mangosteen Mangosteen is offline
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Oh my gosh, are we dating the same guy? Just kidding! Seriously though, it sounds like you are in a similar situation to me. I'm talking to a dude who is 500 some miles away... 500, 800, what's the difference really at that point? I think you shouldn't give up just yet, but you should watch the situation closely and not necessarily get all of your hopes tied up with this one guy (i.e., keep meeting others). I know that this is sometimes hard to do and easier to preach, but I think it would help in case he's not as invested as you are. It's a good sign to me that he made the effort to come visit you (and to make a hotel reservation in your town). However, in order for something like this where it's this long-distance to work, you're both going to have to be very committed in terms of making time for one another. Even if he travels a ton, and even if it's internationally. (Seriously, that part of it sounds exactly like my guy!) Anyway, I don't think you're crazy -- I just think you need to be careful a little bit and have fun too.
- October 20th, 2009, 11:55 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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At 800 miles plane tickets are required. When you are this far apart then getting together does require a lot of prior planning. Even with a "normal" work schedule time off is probably going to be required. Time spent together is going to have to be quality because the quantity is going to be low. You need to be patient.
- October 21st, 2009, 02:06 pm
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Kristian79 Kristian79 is offline
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Tymm -- Thanks for the reply. I know you are right, but.. The reality in it is tough to deal with. Unfortunately, I've already invested myself into it emotionally to a degree due to the extended time it took us to actually meet. Although it was the "first" meet, I had known him for quite some time. I've made it past Open Communication with a number of EH matches and can say that there has always been something different about this guy. There were many times when I was to the point of just saying "forget it" and moving on, but something kept nagging at me to just be patient. I'm a Christian and I've taken up a HUGE chunk of my prayer time praying about it. I'm sure God is sick of me by now!

WISYS -- Neither of us have ever been in a long distance relationship. I've actually never been in a relationship (I know a huge shocker since I'm 29, but was a late bloomer when it came to guys & overcoming shyness...dated some but no relationship). As for his work schedule, it's so hit and miss and spur of the moment at times due to the nature of his position that it's hard to say.

Mangosteen -- LOL about the same guy. I pray not! =D I keep telling myself that about not tying my hopes all up in him, but honestly I'm just not interested in other guys. I closed my EH account months ago and have had no interest in local guys. It's frustrating really.

Gr8 -- Definitely plane tickets since I hate long road trips by myself. I guess I do need to just sit back and really practice patience although I've been very patient. I guess I was just wanting some unbiased opinion on whether or not my expectations for meeting at least once a month at the start was too high. We are both professionals that can afford a plane ticked every month or so. He's also a workaholic, so when he's in "work-zone" he's in his own lil world. I can't complain about that really though because one of the things on my "list" (actually don't have a literal one but definitely know what's on it haha) is a great work ethic. I've saw too many relationships where the wife has to carry the financial burden of the family that my standard is high there.

Anyway, thanks for the response...
- October 21st, 2009, 03:34 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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Unless your job is at least as demanding as his, you should have already suggested that you travel. In fact, I would have proposed specific times I was available, and let him accept or counter specifically. I have no doubt he is already thinking logically, while you’re thinking emotionally (which itself is the mistake.)

I would not undertake any relationship unless finances and time were sufficient to see the person with sufficient frequency (for me, less than once / month is bordering on not enough.) I suggest thinking hard about that; again, I bet he is.

Personally, I would also be thinking about the feasibility for one or both parties to relocate (not planning it quickly, but thinking it through and discussing in general terms to get both sides’ thoughts on the table.)
- October 21st, 2009, 03:50 pm
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jayjay jayjay is online now
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D_Lion wrote :
I would not undertake any relationship unless finances and time were sufficient to see the person with sufficient frequency (for me, less than once / month is bordering on not enough.) I suggest thinking hard about that; again, I bet he is.

Personally, I would also be thinking about the feasibility for one or both parties to relocate (not planning it quickly, but thinking it through and discussing in general terms to get both sides’ thoughts on the table.)
+1. I wouldn't get involved in a LDR unless it would somehow be possible for us to see each other semi regularly so we could continue the process of getting to know each other and also that a potential 'end game' exists for how we'd be able to take the relationship to a short-distance one. If neither person is willing or able to make a move then it's pointless. Also, for me to consider starting a relationship with a woman who lives a long distance from me she'd really have to strike me as pretty fantastic right from the start.
- October 21st, 2009, 04:06 pm
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Kristian79 Kristian79 is offline
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I guess my initial implied (since I realize now I didn't literally ask it) question is that do you all think once a month is typical for the beginnings of a LTR...or is every couple of months just expected with busy work schedules? I would much rather see him more frequently, but at this point, we live so far apart.
Last edited by Kristian79; October 21st, 2009 at 04:49 pm.
- October 21st, 2009, 04:38 pm
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jayjay jayjay is online now
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Kristian79 wrote :
I guess my initial implied (since I realize now I didn't literally ask it) question is that do you all think once a month is typical for the beginnings of a LTR...or is every couple of months just expected with busy work schedules? I would much rather see him more frequently, but at this point, it's just how it is.
For me, if we both had such busy schedules that we could only see each other every couple months I don't think it would be workable. After a year you'd sort of be on the equivalent of date 6.
- October 21st, 2009, 04:41 pm
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