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Delius Delius is offline
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Ok, I met a women a few days ago, I knew her vaugely and we got chatting in a pub. We had some nice conversations about a lot of stuff. I felt relaxed , it all seemed cool. At the end of the night we swapped phone numbers. It was all very 'nice', but this might sound odd but I really don't know what to do next?

I don't want to phone her as I don't feel I know her that well, so just a simple text, but I really don't know what to say excpet 'it was nice to see you, do you want to meet up again?', the thing is and this may sound odd, but I am utterly terrified, not of her ignoring the text and not replying, that would almost be a relief, I'm terrified she wants to see me, as I don't know suddenly I will have all these expectations, it will put me on the spot, I'll be found out, etc etc. I know this is all crazy, I really would like to see her again, so what is this fear all about? can anyone tell me and has anyone felt like this just after one innocent meeting before?

Of course I'm turning it into a stupid big deal. I really don't want to make a huge mistake, any advice?
- October 20th, 2009, 02:47 pm
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churumbeque churumbeque is online now
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WOW. You better not call. With no self confidence you won't have a clue what to say. I think texting is a better idea. Asking if she owuld like to meet up is simple. If she has any confidence at all you better grow some or you will never get a date.
- October 20th, 2009, 03:25 pm
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kevin76 kevin76 is offline
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Dude, relax. Have you never asked a woman out on a date before? That's not a rhetorical question, I'm serious - is this the first time you've thought of asking a woman out? If not, have you felt this kind of anxiety before? Because all that worry seems WAY over the top for a woman you met once.

"I'll have all these expectations..."?? You have control (or should have it) over your own expectations. If they're not realistic, change them!And what do you mean by "I'll be found out..."?? Do you have some deep dark secret you're afraid she'll discover?

Relax.

Seriously, relax. Don't worry about it. Limit your plans to one or two steps ahead - your next step is to figure out where you want to go on a date if she says yes, and when. That way if she says yes you already know what you're going to say "I'd like to take you to X. Is this Friday good for you?"

Relax and go with it.
You'll probably get a lot of responses arguing the merits of calling over texting, and vice versa. Personally I'd say for first contact call her. But if you think you would be too nervous to even speak, a text is better than nothing. What you do next matters less than actually doing something, so whatever it is you're going to do, just do it already!
- October 20th, 2009, 03:33 pm
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lianne2009 lianne2009 is offline
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Sounds to me that you really like this person. You will be making a mistake not to contact her. She's probably thinking "why hasn't he contacted me yet?" After reading so many relationship forums and posts, this is one of the most popular complaints women have when they give their phone number out.

Good luck, and call her (before it's too late and she has moved on!)
- October 20th, 2009, 03:53 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is online now
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IMHO texting is never a way to actually communicate. Certainly not a way to ask someone out.

A phone call would be the proper way to ask someone out. What you say is "It was nice to see you, do you want to meet up again?" Now that was not so hard was it?
- October 20th, 2009, 08:13 pm
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nightling nightling is online now
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I might be wrong Kevin76 but I think by expectations he meant hers? Not his?

Write down what you want to say OP and practice it. When you can rattle it off without looking, call her. Keep it short because of your nerves. Don't wait too long or if she'll begin to think you're just playing a game with her.

And remember, if she likes you, she's probably just as nervous about getting your call. So relax. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
- October 20th, 2009, 08:42 pm
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Tyym Tyym is offline
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Delius wrote :
Ok, I met a women a few days ago, I knew her vaugely and we got chatting in a pub. We had some nice conversations about a lot of stuff. I felt relaxed , it all seemed cool. At the end of the night we swapped phone numbers. It was all very 'nice', but this might sound odd but I really don't know what to do next?

I don't want to phone her as I don't feel I know her that well, so just a simple text, but I really don't know what to say excpet 'it was nice to see you, do you want to meet up again?', the thing is and this may sound odd, but I am utterly terrified, not of her ignoring the text and not replying, that would almost be a relief, I'm terrified she wants to see me, as I don't know suddenly I will have all these expectations, it will put me on the spot, I'll be found out, etc etc. I know this is all crazy, I really would like to see her again, so what is this fear all about? can anyone tell me and has anyone felt like this just after one innocent meeting before?

Of course I'm turning it into a stupid big deal. I really don't want to make a huge mistake, any advice?
Wow... you really like this girl don't you! Isn't it funny that for the most part... if we don't feel an attraction to someone, it's not a big deal to us how another may or may not react to us, but if there IS attraction... the fear of rejection becomes overwhelming in some cases.... sounds like that's the scenario here.

I'm pretty sure she likes you too or you'd not have gotten her number and more... she's every bit as human as you are. It's likely that she's nervous too! Don't be controlled by the fear of rejection... she's every bit as human as you are and for the most part... just as prone to it. Just be yourself... you already said that you talked about "a lot of stuff" so you have something(s) in common... and obviously there is mutual attraction.

I know it's tough when you really like someone and you're hoping that they feel the same way, but chances are... she does. Again... be yourself and relax... that's what she was attracted to in the first place!

Good luck and go get her!
T
- October 20th, 2009, 09:16 pm
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GEF2 GEF2 is offline
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Delius wrote :
Ok, I met a women a few days ago, I knew her vaugely and we got chatting in a pub. We had some nice conversations about a lot of stuff. I felt relaxed , it all seemed cool. At the end of the night we swapped phone numbers. It was all very 'nice', but this might sound odd but I really don't know what to do next?

I don't want to phone her as I don't feel I know her that well, so just a simple text, but I really don't know what to say excpet 'it was nice to see you, do you want to meet up again?', the thing is and this may sound odd, but I am utterly terrified, not of her ignoring the text and not replying, that would almost be a relief, I'm terrified she wants to see me, as I don't know suddenly I will have all these expectations, it will put me on the spot, I'll be found out, etc etc. I know this is all crazy, I really would like to see her again, so what is this fear all about? can anyone tell me and has anyone felt like this just after one innocent meeting before?

Of course I'm turning it into a stupid big deal. I really don't want to make a huge mistake, any advice?
I definitely think you should call her instead of texting her. It requires a little more effort, but its a lot more personal. I know that calling someone you like can be scary, but you've already made it past the first step. You hung out with her and she gave you her number! It sounds like she's interested. I promise, the scariest part of the call is probably the first 30 seconds and after that, you should feel more comfortable. And, when you say that you don't know her that well to call her, that is the whole point! To get to know her better. When you call, just say hi, how are you? How's you're week been going?, etc. Then say that you had fun hanging out with her the other night and that you two should get together again and then suggest a date. Its really not that bad. What's the worst thing she could do? Say no? Big deal-anyway, it sounds like she liked you too, so you've got to take that chance. Believe me, you'll feel much better and more confident for the next time after you've made the call.
- October 20th, 2009, 09:55 pm
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Delius Delius is offline
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Wow, I didn't think I would get so many replies, thanks for the advice, all of it was very useful.

I have managed to send a text saying how much I enjoyed talking to her and not exactly asking her out on a date but to let me know the next time her and her friends were going out. That way its not acyually asking for a date, so yeah I'm a bottler!!

How long should I now wait for a reply? I know I should have called her but now I've texted I can't go ahead and call..

why is dating so damn stressful? maybe i should just stay single!!!
- October 21st, 2009, 11:34 am
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kevin76 kevin76 is offline
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Delius wrote :
...

why is dating so ... stressful? maybe i should just stay single!!!
It's stressful because you allow yourself to get stressed about it. It doesn't have to be that way, once you gain some confidence and realize that rejection and failure happen to everyone - you will survive and learn from it even if it doesn't work out like you hoped.

....and as for how long to wait, that's totally up to you. I'd give it at least a couple of days and if you hear nothing then try calling her.
You didn't ask her to respond unless she's "going out with her friends" so you have no reason to expect a response until she decides to go out with her friends again.

If you don't ask for a date, you don't get a date...
Last edited by kevin76; October 21st, 2009 at 12:04 pm. Reason: added last part
- October 21st, 2009, 12:01 pm
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