lostatsea is offline lostatsea Post #1  October 20,2009, 12:50pm
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I have just gotten back to the dating world after having dated someone I met on EH for 2years but he cheated. I waited another 2 yrs to get up enough courage to get back out there again. I have never been that great at reading the actions of men I dated so I am presenting a present scenario and would ask for your opinion. I have met a guy thru EH and have had one date which I think went well which was over a week ago. We haven't gone out again because he is traveling for his job, which he told me about prior to our 1st date. I suggest we keep in contact while he was gone and he agreed, he even gave me his work e-mail address. We have continued to communicate via e-mail but I am worried how to keep a connection going through e-mail while he is out of the country. Also, I'm wondering if he was just being polite in saying that he wanted to stay in contact. Is he only interested in friend mode? I would much rather have the face to face interaction and ask questions and talk about things from questions asked than through e-mail and feel like it is the old "how was your day" thing. I am also communicating with another guy on EH in OC but he hasn't suggested we meet yet.

What do you think?
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #2  October 20,2009, 1:04pm
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If he's out of the country email may be the only way he CAN keep contact with you. International phone calls can get expensive, he may only have a company phone and not be allowed personal calls, etc.

If he's making the effort to keep in contact at all while he's working in another country, he must have some hope of it going somewhere. I say stick with it at least until he returns and you can talk face to face a few more times.

Meanwhile, don't stop communicating with others, just in case. How long have you been in OC with that other guy? If it goes on for more than a couple of weeks and he hasn't brought it up, you might try dropping a hint about how nice it would be to talk to him in person.

Sorry to break it to you, but most of us spend most of our time unsure of where our current relationship is heading. That's part of the fun of dating! Just hang in there, and it will get better.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  October 20,2009, 1:08pm
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To be blunt you are being somewhat irrational when it comes to your first date guy. He is out of the country - what do you expect from him in terms of communication besides e-mails? Why would you think he is friend zoning you or that he is not interested? He has no reason to respond to your e-mails or to give you the time of day if he is not interested in seeing you again when he returns.

Now, can he change his mind about wanting to date you? Sure and there is not much you can do about that. You only had one date, you don't have a relationship. So you need to keep doing what you are doing - communicate with and date others until you have gotten to know someone enough and dated enough where you are actually moving toward an exclusive relationship and both mutually agree to be in one. Before that happens, don't jump the gun and do spend some time dealing with your internal trust issues. Don't let the cheating scum from your past destroy your present and your future - don't give him that kind of power.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is online now Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  October 20,2009, 7:17pm
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kevin76 wrote :
If he's out of the country email may be the only way he CAN keep contact with you. International phone calls can get expensive, he may only have a company phone and not be allowed personal calls, etc.

If he's making the effort to keep in contact at all while he's working in another country, he must have some hope of it going somewhere. I say stick with it at least until he returns and you can talk face to face a few more times.

Meanwhile, don't stop communicating with others, just in case. How long have you been in OC with that other guy? If it goes on for more than a couple of weeks and he hasn't brought it up, you might try dropping a hint about how nice it would be to talk to him in person.

Sorry to break it to you, but most of us spend most of our time unsure of where our current relationship is heading. That's part of the fun of dating! Just hang in there, and it will get better.
I agree with on the first sentence. But I don't find not knowing what is going on to be at all fun.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is online now Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  October 20,2009, 7:21pm
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How long is he going to be out of the country or even traveling for his job? I also have to ask, he is not in Nigeria (or some similar place) "on business"?

If he is going to just be out of the country for a week or two or even a month that is one thing. But if he is going to be gone for several months or travels constantly then you may want to re-think the situation with him.
 
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lostatsea is offline lostatsea Post #6  October 21,2009, 7:49am
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Thanks for the advice...like I said it has been a long time since I have dated. This guy is out of the country for approx. one month and he is required to travel, not always out of the country. Yes, I do have some internal trust issues that I need to work through but it is going to take some time. I'm not so sure that being "unsure" of where things stand with people is any fun.
Yes, I'm going to continue to talk with other matches, when I receive them but so far the matches I have received are of very poor quality (do not answer questions, can't communicate, etc).
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #7  October 21,2009, 8:16am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I agree with on the first sentence. But I don't find not knowing what is going on to be at all fun.
lostatsea wrote :
Thanks for the advice...like I said it has been a long time since I have dated. This guy is out of the country for approx. one month and he is required to travel, not always out of the country. Yes, I do have some internal trust issues that I need to work through but it is going to take some time. I'm not so sure that being "unsure" of where things stand with people is any fun.
Yes, I'm going to continue to talk with other matches, when I receive them but so far the matches I have received are of very poor quality (do not answer questions, can't communicate, etc).
Aw, come on. If we all knew from the beginning how everything would turn out at the end, we would miss out on most of life's experiences and in doing so we'd miss out on a whole lot of learning.
How many relationships have you been in that ended, maybe even ended badly, but you learned from them and became a better person because of them? Would you have gone through all that if you'd known the end from the beginning?
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  October 21,2009, 8:25am
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I like the idea of viewing the whole process as fun! I will see if I can get into that frame of mind!
 
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lostatsea is offline lostatsea Post #9  November 3,2009, 11:45am
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UPDATE: The subject of the orginal post I'm going to call EGH#1. He is still out of town and we have been communicating via e-mail although his last one (over 1week ago) said that he had been working 18 hour days and hasn't had much down time. Issue #1: I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but at the same time do I still e-mail him? I am I being naive in my thinking? I certainly don't want to appear stalkerish in case this is a "poof" tactic.

I have continued talking to other guys on EH and have had several dates since going out with EGH#1. Issue #2: I keep comparing the others to EHG#1's personality. I know it isn't fair. Its not that I became too attached to EHG#1 but he seemed to have most of the qualities I was looking for while the others had many qualities that were lacking. I have a lunch date on Thurs. with another guy who seems confident, grounded and a great sense of humor (3 most important things to me) so I need advise on how to stop comparing these other guys to EHG#1. I know you guys will be honest with me so I need your advice.
 
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timeless2 is offline timeless2 Post #10  November 3,2009, 11:57am
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Hey, this new guy may be the one! Put on your fun hat and enjoy your time with him as if the other did not exist for you... cause he may not.....Yup, don't miss out, the new guy may sense that you're not really there for him. bleh. Not something you would want to feel , eh?
 
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