Dreamsicles is offline Dreamsicles Post #1  October 20,2009, 6:00am
Dreamsicles's Avatar

is happy.

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

California

Posts: 14

See profile

So recently I went out on two dates with this guy from eH. On the first date he asked me how many people I have met online. I said that he is the third person I have met. I then returned the question and asked him how many he has been on. He said 10. He then proceeded to ask me how the other dates were and how come it didn't work out. I left my answer brief and said that I just didn't feel a connection with them. Now onto date night #2. He asked me if I had met anyone since our first date about 1 1/2 weeks ago. I said, "Yes". (I did meet 1 guy). Then he asked, "So how was it?" I said, "It was fine." Next, he starts talking about this girl he was recently matched with and he mentioned that she is cute. I just find this odd. Why do you think he tells me this? Is he checking up on me? Does he want me to feel jealous? (Well, it is working even though I try not to show it). Should I go into more details about my previous online dates or just keep it brief?
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #2  October 20,2009, 6:38am
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

Are you just trying to meet people and talk about your common interests (such as the world of online dating) or are you jumping past that and imagining yourself going farther into a relationship, which apparently includes getting jealous over any comments about other women?

If the latter, then this appears to be a technique to gain your interest, to make you feel like you have to "work" for his attention. He's probably not even aware of it... I also fall back on this topic when I can't think of anything else to talk about.
 
  Reply With Quote
kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #3  October 20,2009, 7:56am
kevin76's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2008

Louisiana

Posts: 447

See profile

It's something to watch for if you continue dating him. Really there are too many possible motives for it at this point to know. Maybe he's trying to make you jealous, or maybe he's just nervous and can't think of anything else to say.

It's not a very wise dating strategy to talk about other dates while on a date. I really can't think of anything good that can come from it, but it may or may not be all that bad. Need more time and information to tell.

Meanwhile if it makes you uncomfortable, change the subject. Guide the conversation into things you'd rather talk about. If he's nervous and can't think of things to say, that may be the best thing for him, taking some of the pressure off and helping him relax.
 
  Reply With Quote
PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #4  October 20,2009, 8:41am
PR_Princess's Avatar

Fly like an eagle...Let my spirit carry me

Enthusiast

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 685

See profile

Personally you should be finding out more about each other not each others dates...that's the whole point on going on one to begin with.

Make it clear that this is your time to explore each other and if he wants to examine other dates you can refer him to the EH advice boards. You have been very patient with this person which hopefully means he has other really good qualities. If you can't redirect cut the person loose...he'll learn eventually.
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  October 20,2009, 9:04am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

It's not an unsual topic of conversation when spoken about in general terms. Although personally I still dislike it and will entertain it briefly before changing topics to something else.

However to start telling you about a particular date that he thinks is attractive and that he is into while on a date with you.....that's tacky, tasteless, classless, insecure, stupid, a really clumsy attempt at manipulating you (albeit effective), immature........or he is a player who just told you point blank that he is seeing others and you are not even on the top of his list. And you are interested in him why?
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  October 20,2009, 9:51am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

I would not consider the topic completely weird as a brief general question. There is a Second Questions question of this sort, Why did you join eHarmony. To ask again on a second date is not really where the conversation should be going.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  October 20,2009, 9:56am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

DancingFool wrote :
It's not an unsual topic of conversation when spoken about in general terms. Although personally I still dislike it and will entertain it briefly before changing topics to something else.

However to start telling you about a particular date that he thinks is attractive and that he is into while on a date with you.....that's tacky, tasteless, classless, insecure, stupid, a really clumsy attempt at manipulating you (albeit effective), immature........or he is a player who just told you point blank that he is seeing others and you are not even on the top of his list. And you are interested in him why?
I do have to take exception to this. Seeing (dating) more than one person at one time does not a player make. A player is someone who has an agenda to "win" something and will do what ever it takes to win the prize. Once the prize has been won s/he is ready to move on and deal another hand to play the game again.
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  October 20,2009, 10:29am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I do have to take exception to this. Seeing (dating) more than one person at one time does not a player make. A player is someone who has an agenda to "win" something and will do what ever it takes to win the prize. Once the prize has been won s/he is ready to move on and deal another hand to play the game again.
Please don't take one fraction of a sentence out of context and put a spin on it that wasn't there. Seeing multiple people does not make you a player by itself. However there are men out there who will sleep with multiple women and set ground rules with each one from the get go - it's a take it or leave situation and something OP should at least give some thought to.

Contrary to popular belief, a lot of players are actually pretty blunt about who they are and what they are doing. The fascinating part is that women/men tend to accept the terms or even ignore them and then cry their eyes out when confronted with those terms. The response from the player in those cases is inevitable - but I told you from the get go that there are others and some are way ahead of you on the totem pole "sweetie". Sorry you are hurt and all, but I was honest with you. What made me suggest that to the OP, is that he is not talking about seeing others in general terms or acknowledging that they are both going out on various dates at the moment - he is giving her actual details. That actually makes a difference. Again, either he is socially inept or he is setting her up for the above situation.
 
  Reply With Quote
Dreamsicles is offline Dreamsicles Post #9  October 20,2009, 4:40pm
Dreamsicles's Avatar

is happy.

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

California

Posts: 14

See profile

First, I just want to thank everyone for their honest opinions. I agree with all of you when you state that you shouldn’t talk about other dates while on a date…..unless of course they say that I am much cuter than all his other matches and he likes me more. Nevertheless, it is tacky and not very appealing to the other person. If there is another date with him (crossing fingers), I will definitely look out for more “player” signs. (By the way what are other “player” signs I should look out for?) So far when I have redirected him, he didn’t dwell on the topic and moved on. At this stage I would like to be optimistic, and hope he just is nervous. If it does happen again, I will redirect the conversation if it goes down that path again and also rethink if this is the path I want to be heading.
 
  Reply With Quote
GEF2 is offline GEF2 Post #10  October 20,2009, 8:12pm
GEF2's Avatar

hopes for better weather.

Pacesetter

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 377

See profile

Dreamsicles wrote :
So recently I went out on two dates with this guy from eH. On the first date he asked me how many people I have met online. I said that he is the third person I have met. I then returned the question and asked him how many he has been on. He said 10. He then proceeded to ask me how the other dates were and how come it didn't work out. I left my answer brief and said that I just didn't feel a connection with them. Now onto date night #2. He asked me if I had met anyone since our first date about 1 1/2 weeks ago. I said, "Yes". (I did meet 1 guy). Then he asked, "So how was it?" I said, "It was fine." Next, he starts talking about this girl he was recently matched with and he mentioned that she is cute. I just find this odd. Why do you think he tells me this? Is he checking up on me? Does he want me to feel jealous? (Well, it is working even though I try not to show it). Should I go into more details about my previous online dates or just keep it brief?
I tend to get this a lot too and I don't know why guys ask these questions. First of all, its none of their business and second of all, he's there to get to know you, not to grill you on your dating life. Sometimes when I'm at a loss for something to say, I'll ask a guy if he's ever done online dating before or what was the craziest date he's ever been on. It can make for interesting conversation and I'm not asking anything specific about who he's currently dating. It puts you in an awkward position when a guy asks you have you met anyone on this site and have you met anyone since our last date. That last one is a weird question. It kinda sounds like he's jealous and he's trying to make you jealous. And besides, after only 2 dates, you both should be dating other people so that should be assumed and not brought up. Tell him that you're there to get to know him and that you'd prefer not to talk about anyone else that either of you are dating.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« ongoing confusion - should I initiate the next step? | Dating | HEADS UP everyone, re: Groups »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
how do typical women want this question answered? zeekle Using eHarmony 30 September 23,2009 12:10pm
Typical Results ndmoose Using eHarmony 15 September 5,2009 5:28pm
Are My Results Typical? ndmoose Using eHarmony 2 September 4,2009 2:59pm
What's your typical first-date scenario? eH_Advice_Admin_Lori Dating 34 August 11,2009 12:40pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Ingy - I'm not sure what you're reading, but I've consistently said he was totally my type. Yes, I have said he wasn't a looker, but I have also said I was relatively certain I would warm to him ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“OP, do you have celiac disease? If not, I hate to burst your bubble but there's no health benefit to giving up gluten. Gluten is problematic only to people who have reactions to it, and you'd know ... ” –  jimmyh452

Join the “Living Without....” discussion

“ Most folks don't want to see matches that don't fit within their preferences. I know I didn't. That's why they set their preferences! ” –  FairOne

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Yeah, this article was pretty disgusting. Not surprising how many women try to justify such tactics. The woman in the article clearly cares more about getting married than about who she marries. A ... ” –  jimmyh452

Join the “How to Get the Proposal You Want...Without Asking For It” discussion

“LOL....Yet another thread started by a "newbie" who is gone after one post just to rile up the community.....” –  Ingytravel

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“ I did try to follow a comic book series once. It was called Starfire and she had a costume change due to her outfit being caught on a nail. It was similar to something that people found ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Avengers” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:39pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0