Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 2 of 2 1 2
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Oregon_Coast_Guy Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline
Oregon_Coast_Guy's Avatar

Oregon_Coast_Guy We're one of a kind like dip di-dip di-dip doo-bop a doo-bee do

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 1,610

See profile

The question really is: Who has superior morals?
- October 19th, 2009, 07:05 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#11   Reply With Quote
littlebluemonkeymind littlebluemonkeymind is offline
littlebluemonkeymind's Avatar

littlebluemonkeymind meh

Power Poster

Join Date: Jul 2008

Posts: 7,640

See profile

It's wrong. There are always other options, more honorable options.

The business about not getting what they want at home and not wanting to hurt the kids is b.s. I've talked at great length with people who cheat.

It's nothing more than childish selfishness. It comes from either a lack of something within the person (not from their partner) or from a sense of entitlement.
- October 19th, 2009, 07:10 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#12   Reply With Quote
Tyym Tyym is offline
Tyym's Avatar

Virtuoso

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 2,875

See profile

cappagirl wrote :
Ok - I know for most people the subject of cheating is 100% black and white. You don't do it...it's wrong....no if's, and's, or but's.

I used to honestly think that way - but in the last couple of years I've actually been approached twice by a married man, pursuing a sexual relationship. I'd like to point out right away that these are not strangers from online dating sites. These two men have been close personal friends of mine.
Now initially my thoughts were: "Are you kidding?" "Are you crazy?" "How can you even think to do that to your wife?" " what about your kid(s)?" "You took Vows!! If you're not happy sexually, then go to counselling or get out of the marriage".
So in my circumstances....basically what was happening - was the husbands were NOT getting ANY attention in that department AT ALL.
I realize that sex is not the be-all, end-all in a marriage but I think we can all agree that it is an integral part. So I'm just wondering what all of you out there think about this situation?
*On a personal note- I did NOT engage in a sexual relationship with either man*
And though I initially condemned them for even considering it - the more I learned about their deprived situation at home...I actually felt sorry for these guys!!!

But seriously though - if a husband is not getting what he needs out of a marriage...is he justified to go and find it somewhere else? I'm asking because this sort of situation is becoming more and more common. Ive had male friends tell me in the past - and I've also read it in books - that if a man is getting everything he needs at home - he has no reason to cheat.
But what if he isnt?
Yes cheating is wrong - but at the same time I can kind of understand why they do it.

Input??
It's just plain wrong. It's been awhile since I've posted here, but no matter how you dress this... it's absolutely wrong.

If there are marital difficulties that preclude a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship, it's the responsibility of both parties to do everything they can to remedy the situation or be faced with some very difficult choices.

I too can think of scenarios where one could make an argument or justification for infidelity (medical inability for instance)... but then when you read it how I just presented it... I think you get the picture. Infidelity is a terrible betrayal and I would not want to be on the receiving end.

I try very hard not to be judgmental or "black & white", but this is one of those circumstances where there is no wiggle room. I can empathize for someone in this situation, but I won't rationalize it. I have never gone outside of a relationship, nor will I ever.... but that's me and I would never expect someone to live life the way I see it. I would hope that I would have enough respect for the person I'm with to work things out (and vice versa).

When you choose to share your life with someone, married or otherwise, you are entering into a bond of trust. The other person is likely counting on that trust... I've seen the result of "justified" infidelity and I can tell you it ended very badly. Even when the couple tried to work things out... the trust was completely gone and soon thereafter, the relationship followed.

Be with someone or don't, but don't be half way!
- October 19th, 2009, 07:41 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#13   Reply With Quote
Tyym Tyym is offline
Tyym's Avatar

Virtuoso

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 2,875

See profile

The system posted twice and I'm unable to delete the second post... so I just shortened this one
Last edited by Tyym; October 19th, 2009 at 11:40 pm.
- October 19th, 2009, 07:46 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#14   Reply With Quote
hogrally hogrally is offline
hogrally's Avatar

hogrally Is craving Pumpkin Cheescake

Virtuoso

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 4,145

See profile

Be with someone or don't, but don't be half way!

:-) Ohhh what is that commercial where the cute animated face says simply.." Nailed It "

Mmmuwwahhhh!!
- October 19th, 2009, 11:51 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#15   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

lil_lamb lil_lamb is offline
lil_lamb's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Dec 2008

Posts: 1,022

See profile

there is zero justification. but it's very human.
- October 20th, 2009, 01:11 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#16   Reply With Quote
DancingFool DancingFool is offline
DancingFool's Avatar

DancingFool wishes the rain would go away...

Veteran

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 1,526

See profile

There is absolutely no justification for cheating ever. Cheaters cheat because they are weak, selfish individuals. They don't have the courage to end the relationship and get out into the cold world again, they don't have the strength to work on the problems in the relationship for which they are at least half responsible, and they are seeking instant gratification of their "needs" the easy way.
- October 20th, 2009, 05:22 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#17   Reply With Quote
cappagirl cappagirl is offline
cappagirl's Avatar

cappagirl is back after 5 months!!!

Pacesetter

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 319

See profile

kevin76 wrote :
Well if it bothers you then there is at least ONE person who really values the sanctity of marriage, right?

More than one, from the responses on this thread.
There are a lot of people who don't, and that's disturbing, but there are still a lot of people who do, so don't give up all hope just yet.

Ok ok..more than one true...but it does seem that the majority dont these days..and its very disheartening - especially for those of us who hold out hope of finding someone.
- October 22nd, 2009, 08:26 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#18   Reply With Quote
Reply
Page 2 of 2 1 2

Bookmarks

« 57 year old males I need your help Please!.. | Array | 3 dates in, no physical reciprocation. finished? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Women who stay with cheating men: STRONG or STUPID? ennoidyam Relationships 10 October 26th, 2009 11:28 am
6 Signs He May be the Cheating Kind eharmonyadvice Dating 59 August 23rd, 2009 08:12 pm
Needing space or cheating....? gannj Relationships 16 August 14th, 2009 08:54 am
Is it cheating? soawesome Ask a Dating Expert 36 July 24th, 2009 04:24 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Time to man up and end the relationship. I've been seeing someone long distance for a little while now. We've managed to pull off 5 visits (some spanning multiple days) in the span of about ... ” – roguewolf1

Join the “what to do... second guessing myself” discussion

“Don't worry, you'll get your chance! If you marry a family man and have children with him, by the time you are in your forties, you will have all of the power. The older you get the more power ... ” – roguewolf1

Join the “Men Have All the Power” discussion

“ I'll be going to Thanksgiving dinner with my friend, his wife and kids, his mother and his wife's mother (who speaks no English). My friend's wife was telling me she doesn't get along especially ... ” – j0hn8andy

Join the “Dating and insecurity” discussion

“I agree that there are many assumptions in my statements - but then I stated those to try to try to get more people writing. So much for that...lol Wow - where did all the religious people go? Is ... ” – LookinUp

Join the “Gods will and sex vs abstinence for older folks” discussion

“ Maybe I'll admit that I wasn't fully aware of the rules of Free Communication Weekend but I still say they screwed me out of a match because I wasn't a paying member and the rules of the Free ... ” – MMingE

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“I don't know any "we guys" with nearly enough dating opportunities to monopolize time in this manner. Further, the people I know tend to see one woman at a time, and devote his interest to ... ” – Sawyer76

Join the “Is there a difference between weekday and weekend dates?” discussion

“Ditto Melman.” – Iconography

Join the “Non Paying” discussion

“Then why are you pushing to re-establish your hold on her and ultimately have her telling lies to her new bf then? Is lying ok if it's not to you? Do you have to have her rub your face in it ... ” – TwistedNurse

Join the “Is it a Lie or Not?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:51 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0