CHEATING...Condemned or Understood?


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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #11  October 19,2009, 6:05pm
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Out by the dawn's early light, my love, I will defend your right to try.

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The question really is: Who has superior morals?
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #12  October 19,2009, 6:10pm
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It's wrong. There are always other options, more honorable options.

The business about not getting what they want at home and not wanting to hurt the kids is b.s. I've talked at great length with people who cheat.

It's nothing more than childish selfishness. It comes from either a lack of something within the person (not from their partner) or from a sense of entitlement.
 
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Tyym is offline Tyym Post #13  October 19,2009, 6:41pm
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cappagirl wrote :
Ok - I know for most people the subject of cheating is 100% black and white. You don't do it...it's wrong....no if's, and's, or but's.

I used to honestly think that way - but in the last couple of years I've actually been approached twice by a married man, pursuing a sexual relationship. I'd like to point out right away that these are not strangers from online dating sites. These two men have been close personal friends of mine.
Now initially my thoughts were: "Are you kidding?" "Are you crazy?" "How can you even think to do that to your wife?" " what about your kid(s)?" "You took Vows!! If you're not happy sexually, then go to counselling or get out of the marriage".
So in my circumstances....basically what was happening - was the husbands were NOT getting ANY attention in that department AT ALL.
I realize that sex is not the be-all, end-all in a marriage but I think we can all agree that it is an integral part. So I'm just wondering what all of you out there think about this situation?
*On a personal note- I did NOT engage in a sexual relationship with either man*
And though I initially condemned them for even considering it - the more I learned about their deprived situation at home...I actually felt sorry for these guys!!!

But seriously though - if a husband is not getting what he needs out of a marriage...is he justified to go and find it somewhere else? I'm asking because this sort of situation is becoming more and more common. Ive had male friends tell me in the past - and I've also read it in books - that if a man is getting everything he needs at home - he has no reason to cheat.
But what if he isnt?
Yes cheating is wrong - but at the same time I can kind of understand why they do it.

Input??
It's just plain wrong. It's been awhile since I've posted here, but no matter how you dress this... it's absolutely wrong.

If there are marital difficulties that preclude a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship, it's the responsibility of both parties to do everything they can to remedy the situation or be faced with some very difficult choices.

I too can think of scenarios where one could make an argument or justification for infidelity (medical inability for instance)... but then when you read it how I just presented it... I think you get the picture. Infidelity is a terrible betrayal and I would not want to be on the receiving end.

I try very hard not to be judgmental or "black & white", but this is one of those circumstances where there is no wiggle room. I can empathize for someone in this situation, but I won't rationalize it. I have never gone outside of a relationship, nor will I ever.... but that's me and I would never expect someone to live life the way I see it. I would hope that I would have enough respect for the person I'm with to work things out (and vice versa).

When you choose to share your life with someone, married or otherwise, you are entering into a bond of trust. The other person is likely counting on that trust... I've seen the result of "justified" infidelity and I can tell you it ended very badly. Even when the couple tried to work things out... the trust was completely gone and soon thereafter, the relationship followed.

Be with someone or don't, but don't be half way!
 
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Tyym is offline Tyym Post #14  October 19,2009, 6:46pm
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The system posted twice and I'm unable to delete the second post... so I just shortened this one
Last edited by Tyym; October 19,2009 at 10:40pm.
 
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hogrally is offline hogrally Post #15  October 19,2009, 10:51pm
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Be with someone or don't, but don't be half way!

:-) Ohhh what is that commercial where the cute animated face says simply.." Nailed It "

Mmmuwwahhhh!!
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #16  October 20,2009, 12:11am
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there is zero justification. but it's very human.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #17  October 20,2009, 4:22am
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There is absolutely no justification for cheating ever. Cheaters cheat because they are weak, selfish individuals. They don't have the courage to end the relationship and get out into the cold world again, they don't have the strength to work on the problems in the relationship for which they are at least half responsible, and they are seeking instant gratification of their "needs" the easy way.
 
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cappagirl is offline cappagirl Post #18  October 22,2009, 7:26am
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kevin76 wrote :
Well if it bothers you then there is at least ONE person who really values the sanctity of marriage, right?

More than one, from the responses on this thread.
There are a lot of people who don't, and that's disturbing, but there are still a lot of people who do, so don't give up all hope just yet.

Ok ok..more than one true...but it does seem that the majority dont these days..and its very disheartening - especially for those of us who hold out hope of finding someone.
 
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