heartbreaker1284 is offline heartbreaker1284 Post #1  October 17,2009, 3:07am
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I am new to the boards and fairly new to EH but I need some advice now that I am back in the dating world. I joined EH at the beginning of August but I didn't actually log in until the first week of September. When I did, I was lucky enough to have been matched with a lot of people. In the past month, I have been barraged with men on here, which sounds great but gets a little confusing when I am in OC with 8 people.

Anyway, I have been out with 4 of my matches and I have a date scheduled with the 5th one this coming week. The first 3, I felt little chemistry with in person even after the emails/calls. However, the 4th one I went out with last night. Not having been in this dating scene for long I don't really know how to proceed.

We were matched Oct 7th, he initated contact and we breezed through GC- we exchanged 2 or 3 emails then decided to meet. We are both extremely talkative and upbeat people so I knew it would be a good match, although I was taken aback by how quickly we met in person.

The date was wonderful - we went to dinner and ended up closing the place down just laughing and talking. The date was 5 hours long and we didn't even notice. He is the one match I felt the instant chemistry with and who I am attracted, too. He walked me to my car, told me he had a great time and we would definitely talk soon. I get home and let him know I arrived safely, as he asked me to do and he tells me again he had fun. I told him we would have to do it again sometime and he would be making the plans (he's new to the area so I picked the restaurant), he laughed and said sounds good and off to bed we went.

My question is - what to do now? Does he even like me? He didn't try to make any move but I do get the impression that he is not the "all over you on the first date" kind of guy. I am continuing to date around and I am planning on meeting guy #5, as well. I just do not know how to progress with this guy. Do I ask him out, do I wait for him to ask me out again? I am not sure and I don't know how to read him. This sounds strange but usually I can tell right away if a guy is attracted to me or not - this one was a curveball.

Now what? Thanks for any advice that I receive - I have not been on a date in 5 years and it is weird to be back in the pool again.
Last edited by heartbreaker1284; October 17,2009 at 4:21am.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #2  October 17,2009, 4:57am
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First of all ...relax ...the date only happened last night =). You can rest assured he's probably at his place right now asking himself, "what to do now?", "does she even like me?", "do I ask her out or do I wait for her to ask me out?" ...

So far, it seems pretty normal to me for a 1st date, with one exception ...neither of you made any effort to make plans for the next date. This is known as the "I'll call you sometime" or the "call me sometime" or the "let's do this again sometime" tragedy leading you right to the point you are at now with a whole lotta questions and not very many answers.

I'd say, call or email him ...maybe tomorrow (Sunday), if he hasn't contacted you by then ...see how his weekend is going, let him know that you had a good time and would like to do it again, etc. You've both already agree that the 'next time' would be his plans, so as far as "asking out", I think the ball is in his court for that ...but there's no reason why you can't show a little interest in him asking =).

Good luck.
 
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heartbreaker1284 is offline heartbreaker1284 Post #3  October 17,2009, 5:26am
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Thank you Biker! I am not actually as high strung as that original post sounded - I am blaming it on a lot of flu medication and little sleep.

No problem waiting until tomorrow to have any kind of communication, I am not in that big of a rush. In fact, if it hadn't been for last night's date - I think I would have been burnt out on dating period.

Part of the reason I think I vibed so well with this guy is that he didn't do what the other 3 guys did; come on super strong. He asked me out but it was relaxed and not pretentious. For some reason the others guys all think I want super expensive restaurants and fancy wine. I don't. He wasn't being showy or trying to impress me and we have the same sense of humor, big plus.

Here is my other problem - I am still talking to two of my first 3 dates. One guy is a definite no-go and he knows it. The other guy is super sweet and cute but I'm not sure we can be more than great friends. I'm going to go out with him 1 more time and see how it goes and obviously guy #5. Hopefully, something will flourish with one of them.

If not the active dating will continue - if nothing else I am learning a lot about myself and others - and eating a lot of free food.

Thanks again.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #4  October 17,2009, 6:41am

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Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!! You are going about this all in the wrong way! You need to close all of these matches immediately. Then start a new thread on how no one responds, eH is too expensive, all of your matches are non paying members, Men are jerks and shallow..etc.

***I'm just kidding***

It's really nice to read a positive thread once and awhile. I'm glad to hear you're having success on eH. As always BB has provided some good advice. In time one of these guys will stand out as the front runner to you. You don't seem to be putting your eggs into one basket. It's great you're giving a few of them a second date. After that you can make a better choice on whether to continue with them or not.

Not sure you really need our advice. I feel you're doing just fine without our two cents..

Good luck. I hope something does flourish from these matches and your next thread is posted in the success stories forum!
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; October 17,2009 at 6:55am. Reason: never going to win a spelling bee
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  October 17,2009, 6:44am
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If a guy liked you (better than anyone else he may be seeing) he is nearly certain to ask you out again, so sitting and waiting will usually work fine. You should definitely thank him, if you haven’t already.

Personally, I favor women who participate in planning and contact; in this case – assuming he set the agenda the first time – you are better off doing so the second time. I try to set a second meeting prior to concluding the first.

I would be careful and circumspect about seeing too many people. When I get a woman like that, I tend to sit back and let her come to me. Otherwise it’s a game. It’s okay to do it, just keep it to yourself – and never cancel on one guy because you got another, better one. They’ll know.

When calling a guy to arrange a meeting, don’t waffle with “I was thinking of you … and, uh … wondering …”, just come out and state your desire or intention: “may I invite you to …”, I’d like to see you on …” Be definitive and specific.
 
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heartbreaker1284 is offline heartbreaker1284 Post #6  October 17,2009, 7:00am
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Thank you Crunch for your kind words. I am taking this dating thing all in stride and meeting some terrific guys even if they aren't right for me. Having been married and divorced - I know what I am willing to tolerate and what I just can't take. I have realized great chemistry is truly important.

Assuming I don't hear from him today - I did tell him I had plans this evening with one of my girlfriends - I'll drop him a short email tomorrow and do what you guys suggested, thank him again and see if we can agree on another time to meet up.

We did discuss the fact that we both had previously went on dates with people from EH (neither of us have been here long) but I did not say I was seeing anyone else now. He made it clear he isn't seeing another girl right now.

D- thank you for the advice regarding not cancelling on one man for another. I'm trying to keep them all seperate and give each their due time. For guy number #2, we have been on 2 dates and chat daily - but I'll give it 1 more date to see if the attraction is there on a deeper friendship level.

Thank you all so much. I think I just needed some reassurance that I am doing this whole dating thing right, after all.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  October 17,2009, 9:05am
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That is fun, to hear from someone where things are going swimmingly! Good luck to you!
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #8  October 17,2009, 9:43am

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heartbreaker1284 wrote :
I am new to the boards and fairly new to EH but I need some advice now that I am back in the dating world. I joined EH at the beginning of August but I didn't actually log in until the first week of September. When I did, I was lucky enough to have been matched with a lot of people. In the past month, I have been barraged with men on here, which sounds great but gets a little confusing when I am in OC with 8 people.

Anyway, I have been out with 4 of my matches and I have a date scheduled with the 5th one this coming week. The first 3, I felt little chemistry with in person even after the emails/calls. However, the 4th one I went out with last night. Not having been in this dating scene for long I don't really know how to proceed.

We were matched Oct 7th, he initated contact and we breezed through GC- we exchanged 2 or 3 emails then decided to meet. We are both extremely talkative and upbeat people so I knew it would be a good match, although I was taken aback by how quickly we met in person.

The date was wonderful - we went to dinner and ended up closing the place down just laughing and talking. The date was 5 hours long and we didn't even notice. He is the one match I felt the instant chemistry with and who I am attracted, too. He walked me to my car, told me he had a great time and we would definitely talk soon. I get home and let him know I arrived safely, as he asked me to do and he tells me again he had fun. I told him we would have to do it again sometime and he would be making the plans (he's new to the area so I picked the restaurant), he laughed and said sounds good and off to bed we went.

My question is - what to do now? Does he even like me? He didn't try to make any move but I do get the impression that he is not the "all over you on the first date" kind of guy. I am continuing to date around and I am planning on meeting guy #5, as well. I just do not know how to progress with this guy. Do I ask him out, do I wait for him to ask me out again? I am not sure and I don't know how to read him. This sounds strange but usually I can tell right away if a guy is attracted to me or not - this one was a curveball.

Now what? Thanks for any advice that I receive - I have not been on a date in 5 years and it is weird to be back in the pool again.

When it rains it pours and five years is a long time to go without! I would begin to pair it down to two and enjoy the chase and see who wins your heart but it also good to have a back up in the event that it does not work out.

Harvey7.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  October 17,2009, 8:09pm
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heartbreaker1284 since your situation is not normal at all I don't know if this will apply. But rarely will a first date turn into a second. There certainly is nothing that says that you cannot contact him though
 
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