Peg & JayJay are right on.

Gregarious men are often attracted to more reserved women, and vice versa. There is a natural spark of attraction between opposites.

I was reading a book recently, "Relationship Strategies" by John Kappas, that is an in-depth analysis of this type of chemistry between opposites. Kappas suggests that we are all "emotionals" & "physicals" in terms of our sexual personalities, and to varying degrees. We are attracted most strongly to our natural opposites.

For example, someone who is 60% physical and 40% emotional will be most strongly attracted to a person who is 60% emotional and 40% physical. Dr. Kappas saw this pattern repeatedly in couples he counseled in his practice.

I took the questionnaire in the back of the book, and according to the score sheet I'm 60% emotional. So, I'm searching for my natural opposite: a 60% physical.

I used to only date guys whose personalities were just like mine, but the chemistry never caught fire like I was hoping it would. No matter how compatible we were in terms of our interests and personality types, we were just too similar for there to be any real attraction or chemistry. None of these guys were ugly, some were very good-looking, but they just didn't light my fire somehow. Now I realize I've wasted DECADES of my life dating the wrong type! They were all "emotionals" like me, hence, no chemistry.

I am taking the Kappas book as my dating Bible from now on. I'm charting my cycle days (emotionals have cycles which GREATLY affect our ability to be affectionate/intimate - physicals don't, lucky devils!), as per Dr. Kappas' information on his web site at hypnosis dot edu.

I'm going to target activities and bars and social clubs that attract "physical" types of men, and I'm going to schedule dates only on my "cycle days" from now on.

My last bf was, I believe, a near perfect opposite of me, or at least he was definitely a physical: gregarious, outgoing, loves to socialize, go out dancing and to bars, etc etc. I'm the opposite. There was instant chemistry when we met.

However, as we were dating, things just didn't go smoothly, and I'm convinced it's because we were attempting intimacy/affection on days that were NOT my cycle days.

That relationship ended on a sour note, and I'm still hurting, and I miss him, but I've learned my lesson. No more dating on non-cycle days. I'm not going to let my next high-attraction relationship go down the drain like that again. It's just too difficult to meet men with whom I share that "spark". Dr. Kappas says it's a 1 in 10 chance of meeting someone with whom you share that special chemistry of attraction. So, I don't want to waste my best opportunities in future. I'm getting really, really tired of the whole serial dating scene...