misssingle is offline misssingle Post #1  October 15,2009, 7:41pm
misssingle's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 8

See profile

I've been communicating with a guy from eHarmony since July. We're a long distance away from each other, but he has continued to express interest in emailing, texting or talking to me everyday. Tonight I got the guts to ask him if he'd be interested in coming for a visit sometime (as we haven't talked about it, or any of our past eHarmony relationships). There was silence for a moment, and then he said something about how busy he is in the fall. I won't lie...I was crushed, and I'm sure my silence echoed my disappointment. But a moment later, he said some things that made me think he might be interested in coming afterall....but in January.

My biggest question... If a man has been talking to a woman long distance for three months, and he's interested in her, wouldn't the thought of meeting have crossed his mind by now? I know I caught him off guard, but still...wouldn't he expect that this conversation was going to come up soon?

And, should I continue to invest my time and feelings into this quasi-relationship for the possibility of meeting him in January?
 
  Reply With Quote
GEF2 is offline GEF2 Post #2  October 15,2009, 7:50pm
GEF2's Avatar

hopes for better weather.

Pacesetter

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 377

See profile

Just some advice-don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Keep talking with this guy if you like him, but definitely try to go out and meet other guys. Don't wait around for him. You'll just be setting yourself up for disappointment.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  October 16,2009, 5:41am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

GEF2 wrote :
Just some advice-don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Keep talking with this guy if you like him, but definitely try to go out and meet other guys. Don't wait around for him. You'll just be setting yourself up for disappointment.
Yes!
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  October 16,2009, 5:45am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

His reaction could be sending two signals. One is he is really just looking for a pen pal. Or he may not be ready, or interested, in a LDR. A LDR is at the very best extremely difficult to make work It requires two very special people and a lot of hard work from both. You do not say how far the distance is but when plane tickets are involved that is a lot different than when a two hour drive is the distance.
 
  Reply With Quote
tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #5  October 16,2009, 6:03am
tweet37's Avatar

has all the tools and can........satisfy

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 7,604

See profile

Maybe that's when he's getting out of prison.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  October 16,2009, 7:12am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,076

See profile

Or wifey's going to visit her mom.

But yes ... get some other eggs in your basket and see where things go, with him and with others.
 
  Reply With Quote
kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #7  October 16,2009, 7:55am
kevin76's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2008

Louisiana

Posts: 447

See profile

...or maybe he just thought it was too much to hope that a wonderful girl like you would make the effort to have LDR with him. Maybe the pause was him frantically searching for the soonest possible time he could manage it.
If he's going to have to fly, or drive for more than a day, that's a pretty big expense for a date.

The fact that when the time you suggested wasn't good for him, he suggested an alternate time, indicates to me that he really does want to meet you (he just hadn't expected it to happen, for whatever reason.)

So go ahead and meet him, and see where it goes. (But meanwhile, don't stop looking around for other men to date, just in case.)
 
  Reply With Quote
misssingle is offline misssingle Post #8  October 16,2009, 8:09am
misssingle's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 8

See profile

Thanks for the advice all. I know it's a bit of a big risk for him to visit (much less so for me) because it is about 2000 miles of distance between us. I do still think he's interested...but trying to understand the differences in a way a man communicates his interest, and how I communicate my interest.

Oh, and there's no one else on the burner right now for me to add any eggs to my basket.
 
  Reply With Quote
Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #9  October 16,2009, 8:37am

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,079

See profile

Why not write him and express your disappointment with his failure to take action. I would also prepare a list of questions that you would liketo get answers to as well. Don't be surprised if he does not show up, there are a lot of pen pal types that are incapable of making a commitment. Now ask yourself why, someone picks out a potential life mate that lives 2,000 miles away? There is a reason for everything? I would start working on Plan B.as a back up.

Harvey7.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  October 16,2009, 8:41am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,076

See profile

Oh, I was thinking more like a couple hundred miles. 2000 is a bigger deal ... planes, time, cost. On re-reading it does seem more like you might have asked him to visit sooner than he was quite ready, but on reflection he has willingness. Nothing wrong with that.

Still a good idea to go on an egg-hunt! In-person and be much different than online/phone.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Aware and Confused while still forgetting! | Dating | Friday Night Roll Call »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
dating someone in a 12 step program rei818 Dating 19 December 10,2009 7:42pm
Taking the first step Drea Ask a Dating Expert 11 October 17,2009 8:36pm
Government as pusher: next step in the war on drugs? eHA_Admin_Lori Politics 2 October 14,2009 11:43pm
when to take the next step freedom84 Ask a Dating Expert 3 September 11,2009 9:49am
Taking the first step Drea Ask a Dating Expert 0 July 18,2009 4:47pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Ingy - I'm not sure what you're reading, but I've consistently said he was totally my type. Yes, I have said he wasn't a looker, but I have also said I was relatively certain I would warm to him ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“OP, do you have celiac disease? If not, I hate to burst your bubble but there's no health benefit to giving up gluten. Gluten is problematic only to people who have reactions to it, and you'd know ... ” –  jimmyh452

Join the “Living Without....” discussion

“ Most folks don't want to see matches that don't fit within their preferences. I know I didn't. That's why they set their preferences! ” –  FairOne

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Yeah, this article was pretty disgusting. Not surprising how many women try to justify such tactics. The woman in the article clearly cares more about getting married than about who she marries. A ... ” –  jimmyh452

Join the “How to Get the Proposal You Want...Without Asking For It” discussion

“LOL....Yet another thread started by a "newbie" who is gone after one post just to rile up the community.....” –  Ingytravel

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“ I did try to follow a comic book series once. It was called Starfire and she had a costume change due to her outfit being caught on a nail. It was similar to something that people found ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Avengers” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:25pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0