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There are often multiple paths to the same objective.

I have frequently advocated picking what works and makes you comfortable, and then refining and optimizing it.

Me, I go to the same restaurants all the time. I go where I know what experience I’m going to get. It works for me.

If you don’t like to call, then ask him to call you. Or e-mail, or meet right away. The good thing about being the woman here, is that few men really care – they just want to meet. Now, if nothing is working and you “freeze” at every option, then you have a problem.
- October 15th, 2009, 06:45 pm
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Mr_Right Mr_Right is offline
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lizzilicious wrote :
As I told you in my first post, I am new to this and honestly thought I was ready to start dating again. I have had several men contact me and we have emailed back and forth and now they have given me their phone numbers to call them. I just can't! I don't know why? I can't seem to pick up the phone to talk to any of them? Some have even emailed me again to ask why I have not contacted them. I can't reply. I am not sure why? Perhaps I am just not ready to date again or maybe this whole internet thing just scares me. Just like going to a coffee shop, very uncomfortable for me. Any advice?
Say "Maybe you should give me a call. I'm free at x time. Here's my number." Then go from there.
- October 15th, 2009, 06:54 pm
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jayjay jayjay is offline
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lizzilicious wrote :
As I told you in my first post, I am new to this and honestly thought I was ready to start dating again. I have had several men contact me and we have emailed back and forth and now they have given me their phone numbers to call them. I just can't! I don't know why? I can't seem to pick up the phone to talk to any of them? Some have even emailed me again to ask why I have not contacted them. I can't reply. I am not sure why? Perhaps I am just not ready to date again or maybe this whole internet thing just scares me. Just like going to a coffee shop, very uncomfortable for me. Any advice?
Don't feel bad. Many, many women are like this. Even if they would really like to see a man and have his number....they just won't call him. That's why if a man is talking with a new woman it's 100 times better for him to get her phone # than to give her his. Most women just won't make that call. The way around this is....that you have to be willing to give them your phone number. If these men were smart they'd be asking for it anyway.
- October 15th, 2009, 07:17 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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LizziePooh wrote :
I am with CP. I don't call the man either. When it gets down to actually meeting them, I provide my number and ask them to call to setup the details.

You will have to answer the phone though....lol!!!

And welcome to the Brave New World (dating). Don't worry...we are all ducks out of water...some of us are just better at pretending we aren't.
To you an CP just a different take on who calls who, and this was told to me by a match.

When it came time to talk on the phone she would ask for the guys phone number so that she could call and block her number. She did this for safety reasons.
- October 15th, 2009, 09:07 pm
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Some women do that...most don't. If I am that unsure of a guy in the first place I don't want to talk to him.

Frankly, there isn't much he can do with my phone number, and I'm willing to take the risk of him ...calling me too much.

There is a heck of a lot more he can do with my last name, which I am more careful of.
- October 15th, 2009, 09:12 pm
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lizzilicious wrote :
As I told you in my first post, I am new to this and honestly thought I was ready to start dating again. I have had several men contact me and we have emailed back and forth and now they have given me their phone numbers to call them. I just can't! I don't know why? I can't seem to pick up the phone to talk to any of them? Some have even emailed me again to ask why I have not contacted them. I can't reply. I am not sure why? Perhaps I am just not ready to date again or maybe this whole internet thing just scares me. Just like going to a coffee shop, very uncomfortable for me. Any advice?
They give you their number and you can't call. They later ask you why you didn't call and you refuse to respond to even the question.

You don't seem ready to date, maybe afraid of actually making a mature connection. Stop wasting people's time. There is a person on the other end.
- October 15th, 2009, 09:48 pm
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If someone offers me their number, I don't have to do anything with it. Its a lot different than if you ASKED for a number.

Lots of guys immediatley offer the number, without even first establishing any type of connection. It's a major, major turn off.
- October 15th, 2009, 09:58 pm
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I don't like being the one to make the first call either. I learned to just tell them "I'd rather you call me my number is 123-4567 and I'm usually home by 7:00"

You have to take some sort of first step here or you'll never meet anyone.
- October 15th, 2009, 10:39 pm
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cp30 wrote :
If someone offers me their number, I don't have to do anything with it. Its a lot different than if you ASKED for a number.

Lots of guys immediatley offer the number, without even first establishing any type of connection. It's a major, major turn off.
Oy! you are so right! Women here need to listen to what you just said! You are so right, girlfriend! You absolutely hit the nail on the hammer!
- October 18th, 2009, 05:51 pm
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chrysalis08 chrysalis08 is offline
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lizzilicious wrote :
I have 26 men that report to me every week at work! I am very comfortable in my business life, but unfortunately like a duck out of water in my new personal life. I give speeches to crowds of 1000+ at several business functions throughout the year. I am an extremely confident person usually, however this new life is quite different. I don't get it. I just cannot get myself to call these gentleman.
Oh boy, are you a copy of me.... It's scary when you realize that outside the professional world (and in the dating world) the ground under you isn't something you can "manage". I was EXACTLY the same. But my professional "personna" isn't based on feelings, being vulnerable, letting my guard down, letting people into my inner space.
I thought I wasn't ready for dating either...just keep it light.

The first few men who called me must have thought I was crazy. I just couldn't get myself to take the next step to go out with them. The first date breaks the ice and you get a little more comfortable. Keep it simple, set a beginning time and an end time - however long you feel comfortable with. If it helps, set up a meeting with a friend right after to debrief. Think of a couple of stand by topics that you can talk about if you get jittery. Tell them only what you're comfortable telling them about yourself. The first date is not the time to tell him all your dark secrets. Remember, you are always in control of you. If you absolutely know they're not for you, keep it light, give off a "hands off, friends only" vibe, and if you can't tell them in person that you're not interested, then call or send a short note to them afterwards thanking them and telling them you don't think you're a good fit. Keep it simple. You owe them nothing at this point, as they owe you nothing.

My first date I was really anxious, but I didn't feel any chemistry at all and it was easy. He was a nice guy, and he drove quite a distance to meet with me, but it was easy to guide the situation where I wanted it, which was - nice to meet you, good luck to you. After that I was fine to date others.

Good luck - it gets easier!
- October 18th, 2009, 06:20 pm
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