seagirl11 is offline seagirl11 Post #1  October 15,2009, 10:45am
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I had nice first date dinner last week with guy from eh, after that we went to his place to see movie. Things got a bit weird, he wanted to get physically close, more than just holding hands, but it didn't feel right and I left shortly (I had another appt early next day). So come this week and we are having dinner date tomorrow. He has invited me to his place for checking his music/band and we go out for dinner. I am trying to figure out if he wants to continue where he left off last week?! Atleast first few dates I am ok with PG cuddling and maybe kissing but nothing more than that. Any suggestions on how to set expectations without offending? ps: we haven't spoken on phone since and had only email xchange to set date/time.
 
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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #2  October 15,2009, 11:00am
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This is soooo easy to answer.

Don't go to his place unless you are ready to have sex. [I am NOT saying he will try to force you.]
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  October 15,2009, 11:17am

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agreed.

BUT

you said "it didn't feel right" so you left. good on you for following your instincts- keep doing that. but if you felt he was being too pushy, maybe (before going out with him again) tell him your expectations regarding physical contact, and see what his reaction is.

ETA: just say... I'm up for dinner but before i go to your place again, I feel i should explain that I don't like to get too physical to early on in a relationship/I'd prefer to take it slow in the physical dept.
Last edited by scarlet13; October 15,2009 at 11:24am.
 
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Bootsky is offline Bootsky Post #4  October 15,2009, 11:18am
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I agree. I wouldn't go to his place this early on. Why hasn't he communicated with you since the date?
 
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DenBob is offline DenBob Post #5  October 15,2009, 11:57am
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Coming from a guy's perspective... I would just say, public or no more dates (at least for awhile) I obviously dont know this guy and wont try to judge. But, for me,... that is what you would expect from a "bar-hookup" or my space booty call date... NOT from an eH candidate. Again, we are all different in our approach and timing... but Sheesh dude. Slow down!
Myself... I usually play it slow and keep them interested.
 
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kpace27 is offline kpace27 Post #6  October 15,2009, 11:58am
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I agree with you on if you feel uncomfortable about being with your date at his place and how "close" he may become. It is important for everything to flow and all to feel at ease my being the male in a date I ask or seek permission from my date this way it shows I respect her along with her feelings.... Maybe I am old school but I feel it is better to move slow than to fast.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #7  October 15,2009, 1:35pm
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Its simple. You lay it out on what you are comfortable and the pace you want to go at. You don't have to accuse him of doing anything wrong, he really wasn't. He didn't know, so he was testing the waters. As long he didn't commit any violations in your eyes, it should be okay.

I will have to say that any woman I'm dating who comes back to my place, will send lots of mixed signals to me. It is easy to misinterpret. Its also very easy to miscommunicate in this arena, so don't go to a private setting unless you're ready.
 
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seagirl11 is offline seagirl11 Post #8  October 15,2009, 1:44pm
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Thanks for the advice. Ya I am going to be upfront about physical and see how it goes. He does seem a nice person and not a player kind. As for phone call, I have no idea.. maybe after the last date he is not sure what to say or maybe he is not the phone type, but I am fine with it for now. I am thinking I should offer to pay tip/some portion of the date. I am not sure on this whether its ok.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #9  October 15,2009, 2:02pm

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it's a nice gesture, you should at least offer.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  October 15,2009, 7:15pm
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seagirl11 wrote :
Thanks for the advice. Ya I am going to be upfront about physical and see how it goes. He does seem a nice person and not a player kind. As for phone call, I have no idea.. maybe after the last date he is not sure what to say or maybe he is not the phone type, but I am fine with it for now. I am thinking I should offer to pay tip/some portion of the date. I am not sure on this whether its ok.
scarlet13 wrote :
it's a nice gesture, you should at least offer.
It would be a nice gesture but I don't go dutch. Of course I don't invite girls to my place after the first date either.
 
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