When Ex Is Lying on Her Profile


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TheEx is offline TheEx Post #1  October 14,2009, 5:43pm
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My wife and I are getting divorced after a few attempts and reconciliation. I won't bother you with the details but it is safe to say that saving the marriage is not going to happen.

She opened an eharmony account and started the process of finding a new someone. First off, she lied on her profile and said she was divcorced when infact the divorce has not even been filed. I imagine this is not uncommon and I really don't have much of an issue with her doing it. I figure the people here are adults and the guys getting mixed up with her are big boys and they can look after themselves.

She has met several men and started dating, I believe, 4 of them on a regular basis. While I don't really care, I will admit I feel eharmony crashed any hope of reconciliation with us because of the constant influx of men. But one of them worries me. Not that he is the one that needs worrying about, but more so he might need protection from my soon to be ex-wife. The gentlemen's wife just died 2 months ago and my wife is now throwing him into a 4 way trist that he doesn't know he is in. In fact, I don't think the others know they are in the mix either.

My question is....Do I just keep my mouth shut and let these guys run the course? I'm really concerned about the widower. He's 59 years old and my wife is about 10 years younger than him. I feel she may really run him through the ringer.

TheEx
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  October 15,2009, 3:56pm

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Hi TheEx,

I'm sorry hear that you are going through this difficult and painful situation. I would like to inform you that being on eHarmony while still married (even if a divorce is in process) violates our Terms and Conditions of Service. I would encourage you to report this situation to matchconcerns@eharmony.com.

Sincerely,

~Kate
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  October 15,2009, 4:02pm

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i think you should not worry about the guys she's dating. move on with your own life, and don't concern yourself with her activies.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  October 15,2009, 4:07pm
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It isn’t your job to police eHarmony – it is no more to blame for the choices of its uses than the phone company.

As to informing a – presumably – innocent person involved with someone potentially hurtful, that is a choice that I think has more downside than upside. I would probably turn a blind eye, myself.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #5  October 15,2009, 4:12pm

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scarlet13 wrote :
i think you should not worry about the guys she's dating. move on with your own life, and don't concern yourself with her activies.
Yeah...I am with Scarlet.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  October 15,2009, 4:40pm
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And how do you have access to all of this information? Just curious.
 
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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #7  October 15,2009, 5:02pm
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He snooped onto her account, I'd bet.

Let it go. That's from someone who was constantly matched to his ex-wife on Match and Eha.

We're a good match, my ex and I, except for one glaring issue.

Let it go. Trust me. You're pulling a Napolean Dynamite, and dragging Hulk Hogan behind the bus.


- Saul
 
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cwhite1028 is offline cwhite1028 Post #8  October 15,2009, 6:04pm
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I have to agree with what others have posted. The best route is to let it go and get away from her.

If you do not have children distance yourself asap. In my opinion it helps with the heartbreak, even though it might seem your not heartbroken its human nature (especially if you were married for a long time) to want something / someone we cannot have any longer.

Just my 2 cents worth...

CW
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  October 15,2009, 6:43pm
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I am going with Kate on this one, as one Christian to another. The action may not make you popular but you will be able to live with yourself.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #10  October 15,2009, 9:04pm
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TheEx wrote :
I really don't have much of an issue with her doing it....While I don't really care...
From your post, it seems like you have an issue with her and it seems like you do care.

I'm genuinely sorry for all you've gone through, but it sounds like...

Last edited by lacedwithhope; October 15,2009 at 9:06pm.
 
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