Whats up with this "meeting at a coffee shop"


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lizzilicious is offline lizzilicious Post #1  October 14,2009, 5:26pm
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New to this, but I can't believe how many invites I have had the offer to meet at a coffee shop. First of all, I hate coffee, I hate donuts, and I just don't get it. Is it the cheap way out of meeting a potential partner?
We may as well meet in a drive thru, I just don't get it, maybe I have not been single long enough, but I do know that I would never accept an invite to meet at a donut stand or coffee shop. Do these men think women will be impressed? Am I missing something?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  October 14,2009, 6:12pm
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Actually, very many women want these short meetings, for reasons I don't get either.

It seems to be to spare their precious time from being wasted on the dreaded boring men they apparently lack the skills to screen out beforehand.

And, expecting men to impress you while you sit and do nothing is a great way to not get an invitaion to dinner with me.
 
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kindofaquirk is offline kindofaquirk Post #3  October 14,2009, 6:19pm
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Ah, yes, you are definitely new if you don't understand the coffee date. In my experience (and many other people's as well), a date will not always live up to your expectations in person. They may look completely different from their profile, not be a fraction as witty as in email, seem kind of creepy, bore you to death, etc. Would you really want to commit to a full evening date with someone you've never really met???

The beauty of the coffee date is that it can be short and is very low investment. Think of it more as a pre-date. You show up to size eachother up and decide if one another is worth a real date. I wouldn't fault a guy for going this 'cheap' route for the first meeting. Now if you hit it off on your first meeting and he only suggests an upgrade to fast food next time?...then you may need to think twice! lol.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  October 14,2009, 6:21pm
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Many people, both men and women, want to meet for coffee so that if there is not an instant spark they don't have to spend more than a few minutes with their match before they bolt.

I don't like coffee and I don't drink alcohol so I am going to offer buying my date a dinner at the restaurant of her choosing.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  October 14,2009, 6:30pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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kindofaquirk wrote :
Ah, yes, you are definitely new if you don't understand the coffee date. In my experience (and many other people's as well), a date will not always live up to your expectations in person. They may look completely different from their profile, not be a fraction as witty as in email, seem kind of creepy, bore you to death, etc. Would you really want to commit to a full evening date with someone you've never really met???

The beauty of the coffee date is that it can be short and is very low investment. Think of it more as a pre-date. You show up to size eachother up and decide if one another is worth a real date. I wouldn't fault a guy for going this 'cheap' route for the first meeting. Now if you hit it off on your first meeting and he only suggests an upgrade to fast food next time?...then you may need to think twice! lol.
Yup. Like the OP I too don't even like coffee....but I still invite women I meet through the internet for a 'first meeting' for coffee, though I actually order ice tea.
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #6  October 14,2009, 6:33pm
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For some people, having a short meeting before an actual, "official" date accomplishes a couple of things:

It lets you know that the person you're meeting is the same person as the picture on the profile. eH users may not have had the experience of meeting someone they've been communicating with online for days or weeks only to find that they are older, younger, or altogether different from the picture on the profile. It's happened to me a few times.

It lets you have a casual, relaxed conversation with someone so you can get over the initial butterflies and see if they (and you) can actually have a casual, relaxed conversation. Basically, it gives you a peek into their personality. If you meet someone at a coffe shop or over a cup of tea or a quick sandwich, you can have a great conversation and find out you enjoy talking with each other. Hooray if this is the case!! Or you can find out the person you're meeting incessantly talks about themselves, their cat, their mother, saving the whales, or not at all. Do you really want to sit across a dinner table from this person? Noooo.

And last, yes, dating is expensive. Being an Lady of the Millenium like I am, I'm all for giving the fellows a break on their tab. There will be opportunties for spending wheelbarrows of money on me soon enough. So let the first meeting be financially beneficial to everyone - inexpensive and non-committal: I offer to pay for my own coffee/tea/scone/plain, unsugared donut and absolutely will if he doesn't mind. No strings attached, no major investment either way.

After this informal, no-pressure, casual, come-as-you-are, icebreaking meeting, if we like each other, then we have an actual "date." While not everyone likes it, it does work for some people, and there is some logic, at least that I see, behind it. It's not all the time just a matter of people being lazy or cheap. And it's not always a case of someone being snotty or dismissive. I actually tend to look at it as being careful and prudent.

But if it doesn't work for you, by all means, do what does!
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #7  October 14,2009, 7:05pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Many people, both men and women, want to meet for coffee so that if there is not an instant spark they don't have to spend more than a few minutes with their match before they bolt.

I don't like coffee and I don't drink alcohol so I am going to offer buying my date a dinner at the restaurant of her choosing.
I wouldn't expect anything less from you
For everyone else this is as casual as it gets, "safe", and inexpensive if you are serial/speed dating your way to the "one".
If you do end up dating for a while and it doesn't work out...you can't "Blame It On The Alcohol"
I'm probably the only Puerto Rican who is not crazy about coffee so I suggest chamomile tea with a smidgen of honey
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #8  October 14,2009, 7:14pm
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PR_Princess wrote :
I wouldn't expect anything less from you
For everyone else this is as casual as it gets, "safe", and inexpensive if you are serial/speed dating your way to the "one".
If you do end up dating for a while and it doesn't work out...you can't "Blame It On The Alcohol"
I'm probably the only Puerto Rican who is not crazy about coffee so I suggest chamomile tea with a smidgen of honey
LOL!!!
 
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CeJay is offline CeJay Post #9  October 14,2009, 7:46pm
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What I'd akin it to is somewhat like a blind date. It's a very low key noncommittal introduction. If it pans out then great; plan or do something more engaging afterwards. If not then both parties aren't out a lot of time or cash.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #10  October 14,2009, 7:58pm
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It's usually a nice low-key setting where you can sit and talk and get to know someone or as other posters said bolt if there's just no spark. An alternative might be meeting for drinks at a night club. I'm sure there are other alternatives, too.
 
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