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AsianFusion AsianFusion is offline
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D_Lion wrote :
That's fair, but do you contest the premise that women are more judged on appearance (and therefore logically more likely to mislead in this area), and women complain more about men wanting short meetings than men do?
From what I read on these EHA boards, men are more focus on appearance . . . women only care about how much money the men have and what kind of car they drive, etc. . . No?
- October 16th, 2009, 06:14 pm
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landstar59 landstar59 is offline
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Shelby wrote :
I actually have never had a coffee date as a first date with an online match. I've had brunch, lunch, drinks, dinner, museum dates (all different guys of course!) By the time I've talked/ e-mailed with the guy a few times, I know whether I would want to find out more about him in person.

How much more expensive is brunch/lunch than a latte and scone? And you get a better dining experience and ambiance. And it's more comfortable if you want to linger and chat, and not too hard to extricate yourself if the date is headed to Nowheresville.

IMHO, you find out more about how a person behaves if you're in a more complex situation -- the time to order and consume a coffee and a donut doesn't expose enough of the measure of a wo/man.
Rethink this Shelby. If they were funky the brunch/lunch would be torture. I speak from experience. Coffee or tea for a meet and greet could always turn into something more like lunch/ supper if you really hit it off.
- October 17th, 2009, 08:05 pm
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lizzilicious wrote :
New to this, but I can't believe how many invites I have had the offer to meet at a coffee shop. First of all, I hate coffee, I hate donuts, and I just don't get it. Is it the cheap way out of meeting a potential partner?
We may as well meet in a drive thru, I just don't get it, maybe I have not been single long enough, but I do know that I would never accept an invite to meet at a donut stand or coffee shop. Do these men think women will be impressed? Am I missing something?
Well, I guess you and I wont be going on a date anytime soon, 'cause I will only meet someone via online dating at a coffee shop on the first meeting.

I dont see the first meeting as a date. The first meeting is kinda a feeling out period of whether or not two people will be compatible if if they want to proceed. If it gets to a second date, thats when I will pursue more and ask her out to a fancy restaurant.

If I meet someone in real life and hit it off, well then thats a differnt story - as that is the first meeting and then I will ask them out on a real date
- October 17th, 2009, 08:16 pm
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I've done the dinner dates with creepy guys and it is pure unadulterated torture. You want to run. He's leaning toward you, you are squished as far back in your seat as you can get. No, coffee dates all the way!
- October 17th, 2009, 09:57 pm
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Johnnyguitarman wrote :
what benefits?? Think of it from the womans point of view, she is meeting a total, complete stranger- and worse than that someone who she has met on the internet. Best to have this first meeting in a public safe place, sober and during the day time.

Think of her personal safety!
Exactly! That's just taking care of yourself IMO. In addition, it really sets me much more at ease going into it if I know that it's a limited time commitment and that's understood up front. Even if I like the guy, too much time right off the bat is ... well, just too much.
- October 18th, 2009, 11:34 am
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lololo wrote :
Exactly! That's just taking care of yourself IMO. In addition, it really sets me much more at ease going into it if I know that it's a limited time commitment and that's understood up front. Even if I like the guy, too much time right off the bat is ... well, just too much.


Agreed! Welcome to the boards, lololo!
Last edited by yoga_gal; October 18th, 2009 at 11:38 am. Reason: The welcome thing!
- October 18th, 2009, 11:37 am
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cp30 wrote :
Man's POV.

You pretty much spelled out exactly why I am put off by the coffee date.

Basically, the guy wants to check out my ...derriere (or something else) before he 'wastes' any time on me.
CP, you are partially correct. But it's not so much about your derriere as it is to validate that what you have stated about yourself is fairly accurate.

To put it in context, if you've stated in your emails or conversation that you are 5'7", work out and are in good shape (with a fine derriere), and you show up at 5'3", 175lbs, wheezing and puffing a cigarette... you're buying your own coffee! Trust me, it happens.

And the flip side of that is someone who says, I'm short and a little over weight, I don't work out and I'm happy with myself. They show up and everything is fine because they were honest with you (and themselves) and met your expectations.

And it's not just about derrieres. Take it a step further... If someone states they are very outgoing, great sense of humor and fun to be around... and you get there and they sit like a stone, don't make eye contact, have nothing to say except to make fun of the people walking by, I'd be really glad I had the option of finishing my coffee and calling it a day.

I don't know if it's people in my age group (mid 40's), or what, but so many people, both men and women, have a really skewed view of themselves. They tend to see themselves as they were and not as they are today.

So all in all, it's just a non-pressure way to see if all the excitement carries over from online to in person. It's the coffee shop first for me!
Last edited by MansPOV; October 18th, 2009 at 11:52 am.
- October 18th, 2009, 11:47 am
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lizzilicious wrote :
New to this, but I can't believe how many invites I have had the offer to meet at a coffee shop. First of all, I hate coffee, I hate donuts, and I just don't get it. Is it the cheap way out of meeting a potential partner?
We may as well meet in a drive thru, I just don't get it, maybe I have not been single long enough, but I do know that I would never accept an invite to meet at a donut stand or coffee shop. Do these men think women will be impressed? Am I missing something?
You think that's a good one? I take my dates to the local farmers market! Nothing like a sack of corn feed and that s.e.x.y shade John Deer Green to get a woman home on the first date!
- October 18th, 2009, 11:58 am
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Note: I have actually went on a date to the Farmers Market.
- October 18th, 2009, 11:59 am
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I think that the coffee meet (any daytime meet) is highly logical & sensible.

I, however, think that it can (not every time) send a man in the direction of the friend zone.

Being logical & sensible all of the time is not a good thing IMO. I am guilty of it too often myself.
- October 18th, 2009, 12:01 pm
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