Whats up with this "meeting at a coffee shop"


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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #61  October 15,2009, 6:02pm
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Honestly, just do what works for you!! If you don't like meeting new people at a coffee shop/tea shop/sandwich shop/dog park/whevever for a short meeting, then don't. If you prefer it, do. No one is wrong for preferring one over the other. In dating, aside from obvious safety and maybe sanity issues, DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!! And maybe try not looking so harshly on people who prefer doing things in a way that you don't. If someone else enjoys something you don't it doesn't mean anything about them other than someone else enjoys something you don't. It just means they're different from you.

If you meet people who prefer the short "pre-date" and it turns you off that much that they do, then move on to someone who you're more comfortable with. I know the last thing I'd want is someone sitting across from me anywhere who is sitting there thinking I'm cheap, lazy, or prissy because of where I was comfortable meeting them first, especially when they haven't even bothered to ask why.
 
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cwhite1028 is offline cwhite1028 Post #62  October 15,2009, 6:09pm
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jayjay wrote :
"I'd like to order 2 burgers, a large fries....and a date to go. Oh, and hold the 'crazy'."
LOL I am with Jayjay!!!!
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #63  October 15,2009, 6:24pm
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Jacquiem wrote :
Honestly, just do what works for you!! If you don't like meeting new people at a coffee shop/tea shop/sandwich shop/dog park/whevever for a short meeting, then don't. If you prefer it, do. No one is wrong for preferring one over the other. In dating, aside from obvious safety and maybe sanity issues, DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!! And maybe try not looking so harshly on people who prefer doing things in a way that you don't. If someone else enjoys something you don't it doesn't mean anything about them other than someone else enjoys something you don't. It just means they're different from you.

If you meet people who prefer the short "pre-date" and it turns you off that much that they do, then move on to someone who you're more comfortable with. I know the last thing I'd want is someone sitting across from me anywhere who is sitting there thinking I'm cheap, lazy, or prissy because of where I was comfortable meeting them first, especially when they haven't even bothered to ask why.
I don't read any harshness on this thread.

The OP just prefers to have more effort & excitement.

I think that most people commenting would attempt to compromise with a match rather easily.

I would definitely do Starbucks at night if it works out that way. There are probably less people there after dark so some privacy would be more likely.

I would go to that establishment simply because it is the best coffee that I have ever tasted...especially Komodo Dragon or Sumatra. Mmmm. delicious.
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #64  October 15,2009, 7:56pm
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bigfincat wrote :
I don't read any harshness on this thread.

The OP just prefers to have more effort & excitement.

I think that most people commenting would attempt to compromise with a match rather easily.

I would definitely do Starbucks at night if it works out that way. There are probably less people there after dark so some privacy would be more likely.

I would go to that establishment simply because it is the best coffee that I have ever tasted...especially Komodo Dragon or Sumatra. Mmmm. delicious.
Automatically believing people are cheap or don't want to put any effort into meeting people/getting to know people merely because they prefer to meet a new person in the most casual place and way for them does seem to me to be a pretty harsh judgment of the person. It sure doesn't sound like some are willing to compromise.

I wasn't addressing any one person, just the general idea that there's something inherently wrong with the coffee shop meeting and the people who prefer them.

I probaly did come off a little strong, and I apologize for that.

Everyone I know who is dating has either done the short meeting before a date because they chose to or because their date chose to at least once. I've never heard anything negative attibuted to it until now. I guess I'm just a little shocked that anyone would have a not-so-positive view of the character of most of the people who do it.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #65  October 15,2009, 7:59pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Jacquiem wrote :
I probaly did come off a little strong, and I apologize for that.
You're a real sweetheart. Do you know that?
 
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MansPOV is offline MansPOV Post #66  October 15,2009, 10:07pm
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cp30 wrote :
oh no. I see where the world is headed. Drive thru date. Order your dream girl at the window for 2.99.
Would you like her super-sized for a dollar more?? haha I crack myself up sometimes... and sometimes not.
 
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MansPOV is offline MansPOV Post #67  October 15,2009, 10:20pm
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The fallacy here is considering the coffee thing a DATE. It's not. I personally consider it a "meet & greet" if you will. It's what keeps you from going out on endless blind dates.

You've exchanged a bunch of witty emails. You've had hours long phone calls way past your bedtime. You arrange a fantastic evening for Saturday night and spend all week in anticipation. When she shows up, you try real hard not to stare at the hump on her back... or that 40 pounds of spare tire and 3" of missing stature that wasn't in his picture... or whatever it is that keeps the chemistry from being there in person. But you're now stuck on this date knowing full well you have no interest in a second date. Happens all the time!!

Why put yourself through that? To me, if you connect via email and on the phone, the next logical step is to see if you share that connection in person. So have a short, non-committal meeting and see if you ARE interested in making a date. That way your actual DATE isn't a blind date.

I personally won't do it any other way. I won't call it a date. And I have yet to have ANYONE say no thanks to a simple coffee "meeting" as a first get together... even if we drink iced tea!
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #68  October 15,2009, 10:53pm
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I actually have never had a coffee date as a first date with an online match. I've had brunch, lunch, drinks, dinner, museum dates (all different guys of course!) By the time I've talked/ e-mailed with the guy a few times, I know whether I would want to find out more about him in person.

How much more expensive is brunch/lunch than a latte and scone? And you get a better dining experience and ambiance. And it's more comfortable if you want to linger and chat, and not too hard to extricate yourself if the date is headed to Nowheresville.

IMHO, you find out more about how a person behaves if you're in a more complex situation -- the time to order and consume a coffee and a donut doesn't expose enough of the measure of a wo/man.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #69  October 15,2009, 10:54pm

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Man's POV.

You pretty much spelled out exactly why I am put off by the coffee date.

Basically, the guy wants to check out my ...derriere (or something else) before he 'wastes' any time on me.

If you go into meetings with this attitude (men and women) you are both already on edge knowing you are basically on the chopping block.

Nothing relaxing or enjoyable about that to me. Call it what you want to, I'm still gonna go to a lot of effort because that is the way I am....and just to feel like , quite plainly a piece of meet up for inspection.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #70  October 16,2009, 5:23am
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cp30 wrote :
Man's POV.

You pretty much spelled out exactly why I am put off by the coffee date.

Basically, the guy wants to check out my ...derriere (or something else) before he 'wastes' any time on me.

If you go into meetings with this attitude (men and women) you are both already on edge knowing you are basically on the chopping block.
Yes, that's exactly what it is. Is that what you want us to say? It's a bit nicer to just call it an "introduction". The idea is to make sure that everything we've discussed electronically, checks out. That the sound of your voice isn't like nails on a chalkboard.

Dear old Dr. eH recommends this, so why do you continue to have a problem with it?

wrote :
Call it what you want to, I'm still gonna go to a lot of effort because that is the way I am....and just to feel like , quite plainly a piece of meet up for inspection.
If "the way you are" is to always make more out of things than they need to be, then that says something to your matches that you need to pay attention to. I guess.

It's a two-way street. You may bring your meat inspection kit too.
 
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