I've had ENOUGH!!! What will it take?? PART 2 - FOLLOW UP

I think your heart wants you to answer his email, and your head remembers the heartache he gave you. What should you do?

I was in the same predicament a month ago when a guy that I really had a lot in common with disappeared on me for 10 days (yes, exactly the same number of days as in your situation). What did I do? I replied to his email after about four days, and pretended that it didn't bother me. Why? Because before we actually meet in person, my expectations for him are very low. What happened? We are going to meet this Friday for dinner. He has been very considerate since, and even sent an email to me a week before our date to say that he called the restaurant that he suggested that we meet at, and found out that it had gone out of business, and suggested another place and confirmed the date and time.

What I am trying to say is, give him one more chance if you really like him. Armed with the knowledge of what he did to you last time, I think that you will act more cautiously and wisely this time around. Who knows? He may have a plausible explanation, and you would never know until you ask him. Or, he may have just gotten scared after you text messaged him a few times too many, according to the people on this board, and then realized, as I suggested to you on your previous thread, that he made a mistake. Or, he may just be playing you, but you'll find out if he is playing you soon enough because he disappear on you again or do something else that will tick you off, but I don't think you have much to lose by giving him a second chance, and so much more to gain.

Good luck!

But whats the point of throwing a breadcrumb? Does he honestly think this little of me as a person? And if he does....why is he even bothering at all??

Hey Cappagirl,

Welcome back. I have not seen you around here lately.

Ok to the question...I agree with your guy friend. If you guys do ever develop a relationship he will probably tell you what happened.

But for now, he disappeared for 10 days and now he is back. Yeah, he probably was dating other people and no! most people would not be honest about that because really why?? You probably would have reacted like the majority of people around here and be upset because you are not going to be anyone's number two.

Most people would have that reaction. Why they do have that reaction with someone they have never met, I really can't fathom.

My personal feeling is...why should I be upset because someone chose someone else over me at this point? The reason I don't get upset is because they are not really choosing someone over me - they are choosing someone over my profile.

Why people take this stuff personally at this stage is beyond me? Are you your profile? Does your profile define you? Mine doesn't, so who cares if some stranger liked someone else's better over mine??

So he is back now. You have a couple of choices...

1) Don't continue communicating
2) Continue on. Don't ask where he went - it is really none of your business. And yes, he may poof again or he may not.

I would not play games...unless you are the type that would play games. If you are interested in meeting him, then I say continue talking to him.

I would try not to get attached prior to meeting your matches. Regardless of what you think you know and feel about them, they are strangers and no length/depth of communication through a dating site will change that.

Good luck!

I've been where you are Cappa, becoming excited when I guy I'd only spoken on the phone with, with whom I thought had major potential would do a round of texts with me, only to disappear for a week with no explanation and do another round with still no explanation ad nauseum until I decided to ignore his texts permanently. Lol, he genuinely seems blindsided by the fact that I opted out of this purposeless psuedo contact.

To answer your question, my theory is that people who do this are looking for an ego stroke or validation themselves because of insecurity in other areas in their lives or they're licking their wounds from a relationship gone sour. They want the ego boost of being sought after and desired, but not the accompanying responsibility to another person's feelings. So they'll text you to see if they've still got their mojo and most likely slink away once you confirm that you're still on the hook(by your having responded to him). As far as him thinking of you as a person...if he's looking for someone to build up his ego, he's not in a position to care about other people's pain. A drowing person often pulls the one who's saving him down under in an effort to save themselves.