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ann_the_bold ann_the_bold is offline
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ann_the_bold is trying to work and not in the mood!

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Maybe it's b/c I'm a high school teacher surrounded by my students and their hormones and I don't know how "normal" adults go about communiating their feelings. Maybe I'm terrified of making a faux pas and freaking him out. In any case, I'm going to throw out a question and see what you all think.

So I met someone on EH have been corresponding well over a month no F2F or phone yet. It's kinda spooky because this gentleman is different from all the matches I have cuz he keeps meeting all my criteria! Never married, college-educated, lives in the same state, considerate, all his own teeth (I think), sense of humour...He even found out about something unconventional I did a few years back and it doesn't faze him.

I get messages from this guy on my phone I get all giggly and happy. This is a full-blown crush, at least on my end. I don't know what he's thinking, although I think it's pretty safe to say he's interested (why else would we be talking this long?).

What I'd like to know is if I should take the initative and tell him I think he's nifty? Or do I let things progress slowly and naturally as they have been? Patience is not my strongest point and part of me is dying to get into his head a little. On the other hand I'm pretty shy and getting out of my comfort zone is pure, exquisite torture. If I do wait, how can I bring myself into check and stop being all giggly and happy?

He's been easy-going, communicative and responsive to my questions and comments up to this point. I've really been enjoying learning about him. Should I get some moxie and tell him about my crush or do I wait and let things unfold organically? I'm not ready for F2F yet but thinking about the next baby step...

PS--I didn't date for most of my 20s for professional reasons and feel like a dating noob here in my very early 30s.
Last edited by ann_the_bold; October 12th, 2009 at 09:36 pm.
- October 12th, 2009, 09:30 pm
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nightling nightling is online now
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nightling -- there is pain, there is rain. No one's ever completely sane.

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Just be careful you don't make yourself look too easy.
- October 12th, 2009, 09:49 pm
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melman melman is offline
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ann_the_bold wrote :
So I met someone on EH have been corresponding well over a month no F2F or phone yet.
Then you have a crush on ... nothing. Bits on a wire. Not even the sound of a voice.

You have formed a fantasy image of this guy. The longer you go without meeting, the more inflated that fantasy will become, and the more likely it is that you'll be let down when you do meet for real. It's easy to write in email that he isn't fazed by your... ummm... "situation", but you really ought to verify it in person.
- October 12th, 2009, 10:24 pm
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ann_the_bold ann_the_bold is offline
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ann_the_bold is trying to work and not in the mood!

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Wise words Melman (oh my I haven't heard him referenced since he passed a couple years back!) and the candor is appreciated. Isn't a crush usually what you described--a daydream, a fantasy? That is what it has to be for the time being until we move to at least the phone.

Thanks for throwing perspective on it--that's the common sense I needed to hear. Is it bad, though, to take things slowly? Like I said, I'm a dating moron and prefer going the tortoise's pace...
- October 12th, 2009, 10:39 pm
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melman melman is offline
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eH is a means to meet people. I believe the eH process should be gotten through as quickly as possible (without compromising your safety, that is). Most people you meet, you will not have a second meeting with. It's just how the numbers work. When you get to a meeting where both parties want to meet again, then is the time to think about "pace".
- October 12th, 2009, 10:49 pm
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Sassafras54 Sassafras54 is offline
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Maybe it's time to progress to the phone call? Otherwise you keep yourself in the position of having just a fantasy to work with. I don't think you have to wait for him to initiate phoning...good luck!
- October 12th, 2009, 11:00 pm
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^^^Whart they all said.


Ditch the idea of a written crush confession of a crush.

Exchange phones numbers, then YOU call, see what happens.

If it sounds good, then a second call, but short, and arrange the specifics of when and where to meet.


Then go meet him, have the first date.


Easy ---innit?
- October 12th, 2009, 11:24 pm
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gonefishing68 gonefishing68 is online now
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Better late than never. Don't waste anymore time on speculation, call him and then see how you feel.
- October 13th, 2009, 03:07 am
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Yeah, I wouldn't tell the guy you had a crush on him. Judging what a lot of people on here have said about online dating he is probably biding his time till he meets you before he gets too interested in you. If you want to convey the idea that you are interested, progress to the next step - ie. a phone call. Talking on the phone and going for a first meeting doesn't make you a fast woman. Piddling around after you have told him you are interested in him may make him think you are playing games.

I know from my own experience, the longer I have kept my eH matches as pen pals, the less interest I have in them. Until you talk on the phone & meet, they will always be a little two dimensional. Easy to build infatuations with or on the flip side of the coin, easy to lose interest in.
- October 13th, 2009, 08:56 am
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Edmondo Edmondo is offline
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Here is how I see it.

You have pictures of him and correspondence with him. So almost in your mind you are filling in the blanks and have built him up in your mind.

You may want to ask if he would like a coffee date in a public area. Just two adults sitting down and having coffee. No pressure but you get to see each other.

In the past there have been women I have been in correspondence with. Now this lasted a long time and every time I made the suggestion that we should met, it was met with I am busy this weekend. Eventually they faded away. Another time on EH we talked and emailed and then phone. We seemed to agree on so much and it looked like a fit. When we met in person it was like oil and water and there was no match.

Once I get into the email/phone stage, I start a count down clock. I don’t want to waste months on someone that I never will meet.

Also call me crude but I am in the email stage with someone but we haven’t met. We should be meeting up soon. Now I am still talking to others on EH. If we met and I see we have something there, I will tell the others I am off the market. On the other hand if we don't get along then I have wasted very little time.
Last edited by Edmondo; October 13th, 2009 at 09:51 am. Reason: had to add something
- October 13th, 2009, 09:49 am
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