Dinner with a friend or a date?


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ohiossteacher is offline ohiossteacher Post #1  October 12,2009, 9:41am
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I am going to dinner with a friend tonight, and it appears it is a date. The girl was the one that wanted to get together when we ran into each other nine days ago, but both our weekends were really busy. She asked for a rain check on Saturday night b/c she was with her mother for mother's bday. I said no problem, I was hanging out with some friends that night anyways. Last night, I asked if she wanted to get together Tuesday. She wanted to get together tonight. She set the time, I set the place. My friend told me to approach it as dinner with a friend, so I wouldn't be nervous. I want to be myself and not be nervous. First date in over three years with someone new. Is that a smart thing to approach it as dinner with a friend or should I approach it as a date?
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #2  October 12,2009, 9:49am
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Two possible situations, two possible ways of approaching it. Imagine how each scenario would play out:

1. She just thinks of it as 'dinner with a friend.'
A. You approach it as 'dinner with a friend.'
RESULT: You have 'dinner with a friend,' nothing more.
B. You approach it as a date.
RESULT: You suffer momentary embarrassment when you try to kiss her and she gives you the cheek or pushes away, but at least you had a nice dinner and you didn't lose anything because it was never there to begin with.

2. She thinks of it as a date (or at least hopes it will turn out that way.)
A. You approach it as 'dinner with a friend.'
RESULT: She gets the message that you only want to be friends, and moves on. You have 'dinner with a friend,' nothing more.
B. You approach it as a date.
RESULT: Successful date.

Does that look about right to you? Look at the four possible outcomes. If you approach it as dinner with a friend, that's all you'll get no matter what. Best case scenario, you end up having dinner with a friend.
If you approach it as a date, you may not get a date, but if so then you weren't going to get anything anyway so you've lost nothing. Best case scenario, you end up with a date.
 
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Bootsky is offline Bootsky Post #3  October 12,2009, 10:01am
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I would treat it as dinner with a friend to catch up and if something happens from it, then it happens. If you assume it is a date you will be all nervous. Just be yourself.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  October 12,2009, 10:05am
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I think you should get really really nervous...maybe so much so that you vomit before the date/dinner. lol. Seriously, what I think I'd do is to do a few nonaggressive things, such as placing your hand over hers now and then to see how she responds. This may indicate to you what her potential feelings toward you are. Play it by ear.
 
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starbucks18 is offline starbucks18 Post #5  October 12,2009, 10:28am
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approach it as a friend, dont make a move ( unless she initiates) but act gentlemanly and interested in what she has to say. And pay for her for sure! If she looks at is as friend, she will think you are a nice guy, if she wanted it to be a date, you will have given her just the right amount of attention for her to want more.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #6  October 12,2009, 1:16pm
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I would go out to have fun and flirt... if you are thinking ??? maybe she is too... Do you want her to be more than a friend?
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Last edited by DennisWisconsin; October 12,2009 at 1:18pm.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #7  October 12,2009, 1:26pm
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starbucks18 wrote :
approach it as a friend, dont make a move ( unless she initiates) but act gentlemanly and interested in what she has to say. And pay for her for sure! If she looks at is as friend, she will think you are a nice guy, if she wanted it to be a date, you will have given her just the right amount of attention for her to want more.
What if she's waiting for him to initiate? Somebody has to move first.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #8  October 12,2009, 1:27pm

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Whatever it is. I would at all cost avoid talking about your ex!
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #9  October 12,2009, 1:33pm
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There's no reason to be nervous. My advice is to stop putting a label to it whether its "just meeting a friend" or a date. Seriously, whats the difference if you think about it.

A date means two people getting to know one another in an intimate (read one on one, get your head out of the gutter) situation. Having dinner with a friend means...getting to know what has gone on, in an intimate one on one situation.

The difference? Only where it leads.. My suggestion, see where it leads. If you see an opening, take it and don't be nervous about it. The only difference between date and non date is how you handle it.
 
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ohiossteacher is offline ohiossteacher Post #10  October 12,2009, 2:11pm
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CaptCrunch23 wrote :
Whatever it is. I would at all cost avoid talking about your ex!

That is definitely something I will not bring up. I have plenty to talk with her about. She is a very interesting person.

I am not going to be nervous. She was the one that wanted to get together after we initially ran into each other. So I think I will see where it goes.
 
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