how important is it to have common interests?


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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #1  October 11,2009, 1:28pm
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Usually when I post a new thread, I try to come up with something that's not been mentioned before. However what I am asking now may have been covered.

Are common interests more important than being with someone you really like and like to talk to and who would be good for you and to you and then maybe even fall in love with? If only one of two is passionate about something specific, is that a dealbreaker no matter how much chemistry there is?
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #2  October 11,2009, 1:38pm
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pussinboots wrote :
Usually when I post a new thread, I try to come up with something that's not been mentioned before. However what I am asking now may have been covered.

Are common interests more important than being with someone you really like and like to talk to and who would be good for you and to you and then maybe even fall in love with? If only one of two is passionate about something specific, is that a dealbreaker no matter how much chemistry there is?
I think it depends how specific those interests are and how open-minded the two people are.

I had some mutual interests with the ex, but we didn't share everything. I was willing to try new activities, but not having a large number or existing shared interests was an issue for her and I don't know how I could have addressed it.

I thought being willing to try new things with an open-mind should have been enough. It wasn't apparently...
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #3  October 11,2009, 1:42pm
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If you really like the person, you can share interests... no?

Common interests are low on the list of 'must haves'. I don't think relationship necessarily means doing everything together. Flexibility is more important.
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  October 11,2009, 1:57pm
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DennisWisconsin wrote :
If you really like the person, you can share interests... no?

Common interests are low on the list of 'must haves'. I don't think relationship necessarily means doing everything together. Flexibility is more important.
Yeah....common interests (such as hiking, playing golf etc.) are very low on my list of priorities. I'd think it likely that I could enjoy doing a few things my partner likes to do and likewise. Though, what is really important to me isn't what we 'do' together...but what we share of each other. I'm much more concerned with what kind of person she is.
 
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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #5  October 11,2009, 2:12pm
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I agree with you guys, but my latest [first] date on eH does not. I would add that the date with her was one of the best dates I have ever had in my life. So much good exchange, so much chemistry. If you feel that you deserve to have someone perfect for you in EVERY area - INCLUDING common interests - it will be a long, long search.
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #6  October 11,2009, 2:18pm

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I always figured I'd end up with...and wanted to end up with someone with similiar interests but maybe even more extreme than me....I like outdoor activities but am not very extreme. So I pictured myself with someone who liked these things too but maybe knew more than me and could teach me things or help me...you know, mountain climbing, sea kayaking, caving....etc. Someone rugged/outdoorsy and smart.

Well, I usually end up with and have the most chemistry with the opposite (okay except for the smart part).....the guy that was an 'indoor kid' and might even dislike the things I like. And I might dislike some of their hobbies too....ie. video games for example.....the kind of people that might go to a movie on a perfectly good summer day.

Oh well. It occurs to me there are certain things I like to do alone anyway....
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #7  October 11,2009, 2:18pm
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pussinboots wrote :
I agree with you guys, but my latest date on eH does not. I would add that the date with her was one of the best dates I have ever had in my life. So much good exchange, so much chemistry. If you feel that you deserve to have someone perfect for you in EVERY area - INCLUDING common interests - it will be a long, long search.
Great point.

Unfortunately not every feels that way.

That's the issue with online dating, with so many options out there it's gotta be possible to find some who is perfect for you in EVERY way. Far too common a belief. IMO
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #8  October 11,2009, 2:36pm
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I think it depends on whether they're common activities, versus common passions; and how much you would respect the time and commitment taken.

For example, maybe you both enjoy going to the movies, so you enjoy a common activity. But she loves to spend hours scrapbooking and you'd rather spend the weekends golfing or watching football. Do you both think the other person is wasting time on these hobbies?

Or let's say she loves animals and spends her free time volunteering at the animal shelter, while you serve in an armed forces reserve unit. Do each of you appreciate the other's passions?

I don't think couples need to be glued at the hip in order to show how compatible they are. But there needs to be some commonality in values and support of individual interests, and that helps to cement the relationship.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #9  October 11,2009, 3:05pm
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It's nice to have some common interests, but I don't see it as a requirement as long as both are willing to participate to some extent. I don't have to like tennis, but I should be willing to attend a match if he's playing. Maybe he doesn't sing, but he should still come to my concerts. That's just being supportive of what makes the other person happy.

Sharing most hobbies would get a little irritating in my opinion. I need to have a life. Being together 24/7 isn't good for any relationship.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #10  October 11,2009, 3:29pm
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It really depends. I mean, I have a plethora of things that I am interested in and I am always interested in learning new things. I am also the kind of person that enjoys sharing my hobbies and interests with others. I think it is okay for two people to have their own things, but I think it is also important to have some common interests. If two people have nothing in common, the conversation can be very boring but if two people have everything in common the same thing happens.
 
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