Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
pussinboots pussinboots is offline
pussinboots's Avatar

pussinboots is sitting next to the bearded randy geezer to discuss head transplants

Pacesetter

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 389

See profile

Usually when I post a new thread, I try to come up with something that's not been mentioned before. However what I am asking now may have been covered.

Are common interests more important than being with someone you really like and like to talk to and who would be good for you and to you and then maybe even fall in love with? If only one of two is passionate about something specific, is that a dealbreaker no matter how much chemistry there is?
- October 11th, 2009, 03:28 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
shoopthedoop shoopthedoop is offline
shoopthedoop's Avatar

shoopthedoop is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 812

See profile

pussinboots wrote :
Usually when I post a new thread, I try to come up with something that's not been mentioned before. However what I am asking now may have been covered.

Are common interests more important than being with someone you really like and like to talk to and who would be good for you and to you and then maybe even fall in love with? If only one of two is passionate about something specific, is that a dealbreaker no matter how much chemistry there is?
I think it depends how specific those interests are and how open-minded the two people are.

I had some mutual interests with the ex, but we didn't share everything. I was willing to try new activities, but not having a large number or existing shared interests was an issue for her and I don't know how I could have addressed it.

I thought being willing to try new things with an open-mind should have been enough. It wasn't apparently...
- October 11th, 2009, 03:38 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
DennisWisconsin DennisWisconsin is offline
DennisWisconsin's Avatar

DennisWisconsin LA/Victorville California

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,390

See profile

If you really like the person, you can share interests... no?

Common interests are low on the list of 'must haves'. I don't think relationship necessarily means doing everything together. Flexibility is more important.
.
.
.
_______________________________________________
Join the conversation in eHA groups:
(Groovy new Thanksgiving Traditions for Social Pariahs)Groovy new thanksgiving traditions for social pariahs
- October 11th, 2009, 03:42 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,275

See profile

DennisWisconsin wrote :
If you really like the person, you can share interests... no?

Common interests are low on the list of 'must haves'. I don't think relationship necessarily means doing everything together. Flexibility is more important.
Yeah....common interests (such as hiking, playing golf etc.) are very low on my list of priorities. I'd think it likely that I could enjoy doing a few things my partner likes to do and likewise. Though, what is really important to me isn't what we 'do' together...but what we share of each other. I'm much more concerned with what kind of person she is.
- October 11th, 2009, 03:57 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
pussinboots pussinboots is offline
pussinboots's Avatar

pussinboots is sitting next to the bearded randy geezer to discuss head transplants

Pacesetter

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 389

See profile

I agree with you guys, but my latest [first] date on eH does not. I would add that the date with her was one of the best dates I have ever had in my life. So much good exchange, so much chemistry. If you feel that you deserve to have someone perfect for you in EVERY area - INCLUDING common interests - it will be a long, long search.
Last edited by pussinboots; October 11th, 2009 at 04:17 pm.
- October 11th, 2009, 04:12 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

cp30 cp30 is offline
cp30's Avatar

cp30 is having serious login issues

Power Poster

Join Date: Dec 2007

Posts: 5,639

See profile

I always figured I'd end up with...and wanted to end up with someone with similiar interests but maybe even more extreme than me....I like outdoor activities but am not very extreme. So I pictured myself with someone who liked these things too but maybe knew more than me and could teach me things or help me...you know, mountain climbing, sea kayaking, caving....etc. Someone rugged/outdoorsy and smart.

Well, I usually end up with and have the most chemistry with the opposite (okay except for the smart part).....the guy that was an 'indoor kid' and might even dislike the things I like. And I might dislike some of their hobbies too....ie. video games for example.....the kind of people that might go to a movie on a perfectly good summer day.

Oh well. It occurs to me there are certain things I like to do alone anyway....
- October 11th, 2009, 04:18 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
shoopthedoop shoopthedoop is offline
shoopthedoop's Avatar

shoopthedoop is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 812

See profile

pussinboots wrote :
I agree with you guys, but my latest date on eH does not. I would add that the date with her was one of the best dates I have ever had in my life. So much good exchange, so much chemistry. If you feel that you deserve to have someone perfect for you in EVERY area - INCLUDING common interests - it will be a long, long search.
Great point.

Unfortunately not every feels that way.

That's the issue with online dating, with so many options out there it's gotta be possible to find some who is perfect for you in EVERY way. Far too common a belief. IMO
- October 11th, 2009, 04:18 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
Shelby Shelby is offline
Shelby's Avatar

Shelby is trying to decide which way to go.

Veteran

Join Date: Nov 2007

Posts: 1,183

See profile

I think it depends on whether they're common activities, versus common passions; and how much you would respect the time and commitment taken.

For example, maybe you both enjoy going to the movies, so you enjoy a common activity. But she loves to spend hours scrapbooking and you'd rather spend the weekends golfing or watching football. Do you both think the other person is wasting time on these hobbies?

Or let's say she loves animals and spends her free time volunteering at the animal shelter, while you serve in an armed forces reserve unit. Do each of you appreciate the other's passions?

I don't think couples need to be glued at the hip in order to show how compatible they are. But there needs to be some commonality in values and support of individual interests, and that helps to cement the relationship.
- October 11th, 2009, 04:36 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
chawks64 chawks64 is offline
chawks64's Avatar

chawks64 is trying very hard to be patient. Definitely not my best talent.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,208

See profile

It's nice to have some common interests, but I don't see it as a requirement as long as both are willing to participate to some extent. I don't have to like tennis, but I should be willing to attend a match if he's playing. Maybe he doesn't sing, but he should still come to my concerts. That's just being supportive of what makes the other person happy.

Sharing most hobbies would get a little irritating in my opinion. I need to have a life. Being together 24/7 isn't good for any relationship.
- October 11th, 2009, 05:05 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
stevex stevex is online now
stevex's Avatar

stevex Life is a blessing, it's a delicatessen.

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 899

See profile

It really depends. I mean, I have a plethora of things that I am interested in and I am always interested in learning new things. I am also the kind of person that enjoys sharing my hobbies and interests with others. I think it is okay for two people to have their own things, but I think it is also important to have some common interests. If two people have nothing in common, the conversation can be very boring but if two people have everything in common the same thing happens.
- October 11th, 2009, 05:29 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 Last »

Bookmarks

« Fact or Fiction...the urban myth of the Milk-Man! | Array | What should I do next? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Up front about my income-is this important? wheezer Ask a Dating Expert 13 February 6th, 2010 12:40 pm
how important is "education" and "income" treeye Dating 181 October 27th, 2009 06:14 pm
receiving interests from people with very incomplete profiles reenz Using eHarmony 8 September 30th, 2009 04:02 pm
So do a lot of you hide interests that you feel embarrassed about? avinash Dating 70 July 20th, 2009 02:24 am
No physical interests, ever orangepenmen31 About You 39 July 3rd, 2009 09:45 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Ah, the moderators have released the post. It's on page 2, #20.” – Iconography

Join the “Update” discussion

“Anything someone says can be read that way or a totally different way. Personally I am supride you only cost him that much. I figured youd be the type to go after the most expensive thing on the ... ” – ami1uwant

Join the “That WAS a compliment... I think?!” discussion

“I was thinking about this thread a little because it reminds me of a relationship I had several years ago. Ours was a "passionate" relationship. We are both Geminis and would fight intensely and ... ” – nunayabizness

Join the “Getting Over My Girlfriend's Past Lovers?” discussion

“If we are talking about time investment strategy ...you are only looking at the 5-10 minutes of actually meeting and talking and not the other 2-3 hours you were at the bar searching for people. ... ” – mrflyer

Join the “Too much thinking going on here...” discussion

“The interrupting is also a sign of Aspergers. I have it and have done it because it can be a problem in me reading when the person is done with their sentence. Would you rather have him say stop ... ” – ami1uwant

Join the “Stop Talking” discussion

“Just curious- is there a big age difference or does he just look older?” – mrflyer

Join the “New pics and not attracted” discussion

“ No, I would have just used one of the canned reasons. How many times do I have to say that what she did doesn't make sense?” – mrflyer

Join the “Stay Classy Matches” discussion

“ Has he ever communicated with you? I take it you sent the initial questions to him- if not, what reply are you talking about? I agree with the others who say there's no harm in keeping it open. ... ” – mrflyer

Join the “Close or leave open?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:19 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0