Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 3 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
pussinboots pussinboots is offline
pussinboots's Avatar

pussinboots is sitting next to the bearded randy geezer to discuss head transplants

Pacesetter

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 389

See profile

nightling wrote :
Rather than common interests, I tend to think you need to have some common ground. If you majorly disagree on how to handle money, parenting styles and things like that, the relationship's just going to be irritating to both parties. I do think both parties need to be willing to spend time appreciating each others' interests even if it's not a big interest for them. But I don't think they necessarily have to have a lot of common interests.
In my particular case, my match preferred someone who was interested in writing, reading and attending literary events. Can this possibly be some kind of excuse? She should have known this about me before we each traveled almost two hours to meet.
- October 11th, 2009, 09:47 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#21   Reply With Quote
shoopthedoop shoopthedoop is offline
shoopthedoop's Avatar

shoopthedoop is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 812

See profile

jayjay wrote :
I wonder it just doesn't occur to us what the reality of marriage & family will be regarding interests.

Though, this may be different at different stages of life. I suppose there are many people on this forum who aren't looking for someone to have children with. They may even be looking at retirement in another ten years....so perhaps for them shared interests are more relevant. I do know that for many people, once they get past the time for having children etc. a large part of what they are looking for is an 'activity partner' as well as someone to love.
I do get the desire for an activity partner.

Maybe some people are already feeling the squeeze on their time as singles and want to make sure that their partner shares their feelings and they don't have to engage in time wasters like trying to experience new interests or discuss differing views.
- October 11th, 2009, 09:53 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#22   Reply With Quote
chawks64 chawks64 is offline
chawks64's Avatar

chawks64 is trying very hard to be patient. Definitely not my best talent.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,208

See profile

shoopthedoop wrote :
...time wasters like trying to experience new interests or discuss differing views.
I really do hope you're being sarcastic...
- October 11th, 2009, 09:55 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#23   Reply With Quote
shoopthedoop shoopthedoop is offline
shoopthedoop's Avatar

shoopthedoop is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 812

See profile

chawks64 wrote :
I really do hope you're being sarcastic...
I wish there was more sarcasm and less truth in that post...
- October 11th, 2009, 09:57 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#24   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,275

See profile

shoopthedoop wrote :
...trying to experience new interests or discuss differing views.
I'm looking for a woman to be my 'new interest'....and, I want to see her from many differing views.
- October 11th, 2009, 10:02 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#25   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

shoopthedoop shoopthedoop is offline
shoopthedoop's Avatar

shoopthedoop is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 812

See profile

jayjay wrote :
I'm looking for a woman to be my 'new interest'....and, I want to see her from many differing views.
After 40 or 50 viewings how do you find new things to see?
- October 11th, 2009, 10:12 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#26   Reply With Quote
Wonderwoman402 Wonderwoman402 is offline
Wonderwoman402's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 1,311

See profile

My partner (if I had one) and I don't have to share every interest, but there has to be respect between the two of you regarding your interests.

For example, I enjoy country music concerts. The last guy I dated seriously had a complete and total disdain for country music and would actively mock it. I never expected him to go with me, I went to the shows with other friends, so it's not like I was forcing him to do something he didn't like, yet he couldn't resist the disparaging remarks. Looking back I'm not sure why we lasted so long (there were other issues and he did have some redeeming qualities).

To the other side, I could certainly see myself with a guy who went on a fishing trip with his friends a couple times a year, but I could NOT be with a guy who was gone every weekend during hunting season.

I would like to share some interests with a mate, but certainly don't expect to find someone who is a clone of me in interests... in fact, that would get boring. I'd like to experience what they find interesting in life, too.
- October 11th, 2009, 10:21 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#27   Reply With Quote
pussinboots pussinboots is offline
pussinboots's Avatar

pussinboots is sitting next to the bearded randy geezer to discuss head transplants

Pacesetter

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 389

See profile

Wonderwoman402 wrote :
I would like to share some interests with a mate, but certainly don't expect to find someone who is a clone of me in interests... in fact, that would get boring. I'd like to experience what they find interesting in life, too.
Yeah, but what I find interesting, they might find inappropriate.
- October 11th, 2009, 11:29 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#28   Reply With Quote
PR_Princess PR_Princess is offline
PR_Princess's Avatar

PR_Princess Bismillah in everything I do

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jun 2009

Posts: 563

See profile

jayjay wrote :
The couples I know and hear about have to work to find time for something like having a 'date night' once a week together. Are the couples you know who have been married for some years, have kids etc. really doing lots of recreational activities (i.e., 'interests') together?
Nope. They didn't have any of those barriers but they were together/ co-habitating for years. There was a recent article in Time magazine regarding the Dugger family who are soon to welcome their 18th child into their home and somehow they found time for 'date night'. People make time and use their creative energy for the things they value in their life. Having downtime with your partner works not only to solidify the relationship but is just necessary for good mental health! Besides there is going to come a time when those children are going to fly the coop and then you have no other excuse and may find yourself living with a stranger.
- October 12th, 2009, 08:41 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#29   Reply With Quote
123noname789 123noname789 is offline
123noname789's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: Dec 2008

Posts: 59

See profile

jayjay wrote :
What I'm wondering is...if in the long term it's irrelevant. For example, I have a friend who basically had to give up golf, fishing etc. and only continued with one of his interests (trap shooting) because he just didn't have time as a husband and father. As single people I think we have so much more time for recreational activities....that some people actually look for more of these as a means of potentially meeting a partner. I wonder it just doesn't occur to us what the reality of marriage & family will be regarding interests.

Though, this may be different at different stages of life. I suppose there are many people on this forum who aren't looking for someone to have children with. They may even be looking at retirement in another ten years....so perhaps for them shared interests are more relevant. I do know that for many people, once they get past the time for having children etc. a large part of what they are looking for is an 'activity partner' as well as someone to love.
Well put, JayJay...well put.

I've often thought that all this talk of hobbies, travel and lifestyle were distractions from a relationship. Do you really want a companion, or do you want to do all these things and 'not be alone,' like a single person.

I think what may bridge the gap is where differences complement each other and if one partner took up some of the interests of another, it can be a thrill. Also, 'discovering new things' together, through trial and error can be helpful. But, looking for a partner who likes to, say, ski because you do, or play a certain sport, is not a life partner search but an 'activity partner.' Or just single and dating.
- October 12th, 2009, 08:56 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#30   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 3 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Bookmarks

« Fact or Fiction...the urban myth of the Milk-Man! | Array | What should I do next? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Up front about my income-is this important? wheezer Ask a Dating Expert 13 February 6th, 2010 12:40 pm
how important is "education" and "income" treeye Dating 181 October 27th, 2009 06:14 pm
receiving interests from people with very incomplete profiles reenz Using eHarmony 8 September 30th, 2009 04:02 pm
So do a lot of you hide interests that you feel embarrassed about? avinash Dating 70 July 20th, 2009 02:24 am
No physical interests, ever orangepenmen31 About You 39 July 3rd, 2009 09:45 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“So men can drive women around but not the other way around? yes melman_2 they can. ” – Nanette

Join the “Rough Start” discussion

“ Kind of like calling people who consider themself spiritual but not religious "idiots"? I can link to the thread where you did this, if you like... Seriously, why not just pull my pigtails and ... ” – Faira

Join the “Getting Over My Girlfriend's Past Lovers?” discussion

“It varies...depends on the situation, level of relationship, etc. Since this happens on Sunday, I wouldn't sweat it yet..it's only Tuesday and some people do take sometime to cool off or to think ... ” – PY_2

Join the “How long is too long before you realize they "poofed".” discussion

“ I agree, tacky to bring up money. What if it was an expensive date, would he turn to you and say "Gee, I hope you are worth it". Money shouldn't be talked about that early. I bet you he is a ... ” – Spumone

Join the “That WAS a compliment... I think?!” discussion

“I'm really glad you checked in... I have heard of the condition you're describing; there are things that can be done for it. I think you're very courageous, and have got a lot more strength ... ” – Faira

Join the “Update” discussion

“I had my annual Super Bowl party on Sunday. I was smart and prepared the food on Saturday before my BF came over so I could relax with him instead of running around like a crazy woman. So...the BF ... ” – KiskaKitty

Join the “Monday, February 8th weekend and date roundup!” discussion

“I think the OP is most certainly correct. In a way I think one of the reasons why I turned to eHarmony is because I think too much, I am not the kind of guy that could easily meet women in a bar ... ” – stevex

Join the “Too much thinking going on here...” discussion

“WOW! You really do have a full plate. I would certainly let anyone you meet know up front that you are in fact very busy with a lot of things but that you would see said person as much as humanly ... ” – stevex

Join the “Dating when you are busy” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:05 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0