how important is it to have common interests?


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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #21  October 11,2009, 8:47pm
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nightling wrote :
Rather than common interests, I tend to think you need to have some common ground. If you majorly disagree on how to handle money, parenting styles and things like that, the relationship's just going to be irritating to both parties. I do think both parties need to be willing to spend time appreciating each others' interests even if it's not a big interest for them. But I don't think they necessarily have to have a lot of common interests.
In my particular case, my match preferred someone who was interested in writing, reading and attending literary events. Can this possibly be some kind of excuse? She should have known this about me before we each traveled almost two hours to meet.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #22  October 11,2009, 8:53pm
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jayjay wrote :
I wonder it just doesn't occur to us what the reality of marriage & family will be regarding interests.

Though, this may be different at different stages of life. I suppose there are many people on this forum who aren't looking for someone to have children with. They may even be looking at retirement in another ten years....so perhaps for them shared interests are more relevant. I do know that for many people, once they get past the time for having children etc. a large part of what they are looking for is an 'activity partner' as well as someone to love.
I do get the desire for an activity partner.

Maybe some people are already feeling the squeeze on their time as singles and want to make sure that their partner shares their feelings and they don't have to engage in time wasters like trying to experience new interests or discuss differing views.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #23  October 11,2009, 8:55pm
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shoopthedoop wrote :
...time wasters like trying to experience new interests or discuss differing views.
I really do hope you're being sarcastic...
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #24  October 11,2009, 8:57pm
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chawks64 wrote :
I really do hope you're being sarcastic...
I wish there was more sarcasm and less truth in that post...
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #25  October 11,2009, 9:02pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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shoopthedoop wrote :
...trying to experience new interests or discuss differing views.
I'm looking for a woman to be my 'new interest'....and, I want to see her from many differing views.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #26  October 11,2009, 9:12pm
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jayjay wrote :
I'm looking for a woman to be my 'new interest'....and, I want to see her from many differing views.
After 40 or 50 viewings how do you find new things to see?
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #27  October 11,2009, 9:21pm
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My partner (if I had one) and I don't have to share every interest, but there has to be respect between the two of you regarding your interests.

For example, I enjoy country music concerts. The last guy I dated seriously had a complete and total disdain for country music and would actively mock it. I never expected him to go with me, I went to the shows with other friends, so it's not like I was forcing him to do something he didn't like, yet he couldn't resist the disparaging remarks. Looking back I'm not sure why we lasted so long (there were other issues and he did have some redeeming qualities).

To the other side, I could certainly see myself with a guy who went on a fishing trip with his friends a couple times a year, but I could NOT be with a guy who was gone every weekend during hunting season.

I would like to share some interests with a mate, but certainly don't expect to find someone who is a clone of me in interests... in fact, that would get boring. I'd like to experience what they find interesting in life, too.
 
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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #28  October 11,2009, 10:29pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
I would like to share some interests with a mate, but certainly don't expect to find someone who is a clone of me in interests... in fact, that would get boring. I'd like to experience what they find interesting in life, too.
Yeah, but what I find interesting, they might find inappropriate.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #29  October 12,2009, 7:41am
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jayjay wrote :
The couples I know and hear about have to work to find time for something like having a 'date night' once a week together. Are the couples you know who have been married for some years, have kids etc. really doing lots of recreational activities (i.e., 'interests') together?
Nope. They didn't have any of those barriers but they were together/ co-habitating for years. There was a recent article in Time magazine regarding the Dugger family who are soon to welcome their 18th child into their home and somehow they found time for 'date night'. People make time and use their creative energy for the things they value in their life. Having downtime with your partner works not only to solidify the relationship but is just necessary for good mental health! Besides there is going to come a time when those children are going to fly the coop and then you have no other excuse and may find yourself living with a stranger.
 
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123noname789 is offline 123noname789 Post #30  October 12,2009, 7:56am
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jayjay wrote :
What I'm wondering is...if in the long term it's irrelevant. For example, I have a friend who basically had to give up golf, fishing etc. and only continued with one of his interests (trap shooting) because he just didn't have time as a husband and father. As single people I think we have so much more time for recreational activities....that some people actually look for more of these as a means of potentially meeting a partner. I wonder it just doesn't occur to us what the reality of marriage & family will be regarding interests.

Though, this may be different at different stages of life. I suppose there are many people on this forum who aren't looking for someone to have children with. They may even be looking at retirement in another ten years....so perhaps for them shared interests are more relevant. I do know that for many people, once they get past the time for having children etc. a large part of what they are looking for is an 'activity partner' as well as someone to love.
Well put, JayJay...well put.

I've often thought that all this talk of hobbies, travel and lifestyle were distractions from a relationship. Do you really want a companion, or do you want to do all these things and 'not be alone,' like a single person.

I think what may bridge the gap is where differences complement each other and if one partner took up some of the interests of another, it can be a thrill. Also, 'discovering new things' together, through trial and error can be helpful. But, looking for a partner who likes to, say, ski because you do, or play a certain sport, is not a life partner search but an 'activity partner.' Or just single and dating.
 
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