how important is it to have common interests?


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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #11  October 11,2009, 4:41pm
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stevex wrote :
It really depends. I mean, I have a plethora of things that I am interested in and I am always interested in learning new things. I am also the kind of person that enjoys sharing my hobbies and interests with others. I think it is okay for two people to have their own things, but I think it is also important to have some common interests. If two people have nothing in common, the conversation can be very boring but if two people have everything in common the same thing happens.
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #12  October 11,2009, 7:06pm
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This is an interesting question and I do believe that it has been covered before. But that was a while back and we can delve into it again.

It somewhat depends on the two people involved. If you had no common interests then it would be very hard to want to spend time together. However, if you are each willing to share and learn of your partners interests then you can work together on building the relationship.

In my personal experience many successful couples have had very few interests in common but were willing to share with each other the activities the other enjoyed and at times to let their partner pursue their interests separately.

That said I just had an eHarmony match close me because I do not play golf. So for her having a golfing companion was the most important element of her match / date / mate.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #13  October 11,2009, 7:11pm
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Rather than common interests, I tend to think you need to have some common ground. If you majorly disagree on how to handle money, parenting styles and things like that, the relationship's just going to be irritating to both parties. I do think both parties need to be willing to spend time appreciating each others' interests even if it's not a big interest for them. But I don't think they necessarily have to have a lot of common interests.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #14  October 11,2009, 7:12pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
In my personal experience many successful couples have had very few interests in common but were willing to share with each other the activities the other enjoyed and at times to let their partner pursue their interests separately.
Yes...my married friends don't pursue many 'interests'...together or alone. Maybe one activity they enjoy....but mostly they are so busy between work, kids, taking care of the house, as well as seeing family and sometimes friends that they really don't have time for 'hobbies'. 'Interests' seem more like things we single people have the illusion we're going to pursue forever.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #15  October 11,2009, 8:14pm
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jayjay wrote :
Yes...my married friends don't pursue many 'interests'...together or alone. Maybe one activity they enjoy....but mostly they are so busy between work, kids, taking care of the house, as well as seeing family and sometimes friends that they really don't have time for 'hobbies'. 'Interests' seem more like things we single people have the illusion we're going to pursue forever.
I don't know...I'm with Gr8Guy on this one. Just the other day there was this great couple I know who broke up. Outside of their day to day they virtually did nothing in common together. The peanut gallery and I had noted this many times throughout the years and as predicted here we are with the outcome. Outside of my "hypothetical partner's" hobby of stamp collecting or tuning up muscle cars....if we aren't doing things outside of the daily grind together I can see how the relationship is going to get real boring real fast.

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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #16  October 11,2009, 8:22pm
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PR_Princess wrote :
I don't know...I'm with Gr8Guy on this one. Just the other day there was this great couple I know who broke up. Outside of their day to day they virtually did nothing in common together. The peanut gallery and I had noted this many times throughout the years and as predicted here we are with the outcome. Outside of my "hypothetical partner's" hobby of stamp collecting or tuning up muscle cars....if we aren't doing things outside of the daily grind together I can see how the relationship is going to get real boring real fast.
The couples I know and hear about have to work to find time for something like having a 'date night' once a week together. Are the couples you know who have been married for some years, have kids etc. really doing lots of recreational activities (i.e., 'interests') together?
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #17  October 11,2009, 8:25pm
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jayjay wrote :
Yes...my married friends don't pursue many 'interests'...together or alone. Maybe one activity they enjoy....but mostly they are so busy between work, kids, taking care of the house, as well as seeing family and sometimes friends that they really don't have time for 'hobbies'. 'Interests' seem more like things we single people have the illusion we're going to pursue forever.
Is that more or less of an illusion than it is possible to find someone who shares all of our hobbies and interests?
 
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JoJoBean is offline JoJoBean Post #18  October 11,2009, 8:27pm
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I prefer to spend time with someone who is willing to share interests.
It does not have to be shared interests.
If I enjoy being with someone I am interested in what brings them joy.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #19  October 11,2009, 8:33pm
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shoopthedoop wrote :
Is that more or less of an illusion than it is possible to find someone who shares all of our hobbies and interests?
What I'm wondering is...if in the long term it's irrelevant. For example, I have a friend who basically had to give up golf, fishing etc. and only continued with one of his interests (trap shooting) because he just didn't have time as a husband and father. As single people I think we have so much more time for recreational activities....that some people actually look for more of these as a means of potentially meeting a partner. I wonder it just doesn't occur to us what the reality of marriage & family will be regarding interests.

Though, this may be different at different stages of life. I suppose there are many people on this forum who aren't looking for someone to have children with. They may even be looking at retirement in another ten years....so perhaps for them shared interests are more relevant. I do know that for many people, once they get past the time for having children etc. a large part of what they are looking for is an 'activity partner' as well as someone to love.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #20  October 11,2009, 8:43pm
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jayjay wrote :
Though, this may be different at different stages of life. I suppose there are many people on this forum who aren't looking for someone to have children with. They may even be looking at retirement in another ten years....so perhaps for them shared interests are more relevant. I do know that for many people, once they get past the time for having children etc. a large part of what they are looking for is an 'activity partner' as well as someone to love.
This is very true. My kids are out of the house and I have way more free time to actually pursue outside activities. When my kids were babies, I was lucky to get a shower, let alone go on a trip or join a softball team.
 
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