interracial, meeting parents


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gonefishing68 is offline gonefishing68 Post #21  October 13,2009, 2:14am
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starbucks18 wrote :
We are still in the begining stages of the relationship but I believe that we are headed somewhere. The time has not come for this yet, but I am nervous about him meeting my parents. I am white, he is black, and I do not think my father would be too happy about it right way.
Any advice for when this time comes?
Does your father know that you're seeing this guy? Might be easier if he knew in advance.
 
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BrotherBlade is offline BrotherBlade Post #22  October 13,2009, 4:08am
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My questions are primarily for you:
  1. What is your true comfort level with the inter-racial dating situation? Make sure that this is a relationship that you are both very strong in first, prior to stressful family situations.
  2. Family allies? When the time is right, find someone in your family that you trust who may have had a similar experience as they may offer insight into your family dynamic in this regard. Build support prior to rushing in to a F-T-F meeting.
  3. Be prepared-You may never gain the approval of your father in this area of life and will need to be prepared for that reality. Also, be careful not to assume he's the only one that wouldn't approve,as many won't tell you upfront how they really feel.
  4. Avoid the shark tank-Having dated inter-racially, I vowed never expose my partner or myself to stressful family situations where your relationship overshadows the event as ultimately, it is unfair to bring them into a situation where others are already predisposed to dislike them due to no fault of their own.
  5. Finally, and hope it helps, determine how important social acceptance is to you because reality is there will be many within your/his family, friends, on your job,etc, that simply will never accept your choice,so it is critical to"know thyself."
  6. Best wishes!
 
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Edmondo is offline Edmondo Post #23  October 13,2009, 8:15am
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Here is the bottom line.

Although you know your family but you don’t totally know them. I know people who are racist but yet very rarely talk about it. My father worked with a lot of black people and he talked about them in a positive light. One day when we were together he saw a mixed couple and WOW what he said.

I had a black girl friend but never brought her to family functions. I do not know how some people will react. On the same note I wouldn’t intrude on her family functions.

If you show up at a neutral place (as other have suggested) it could go three ways.

1.At first being shocked he gets over it and sees him as a decent person.

2.Does not agree with your choice and rubs him the wrong way but still accepts you. At future family functions he may prefer that your BF does not show up.

3.You have made a cardinal sin and your father walks out and disowns you.

What I would do is. If you father asks if you are seeing someone, say yes but he is busy most weekends and we will try to get together in the future. When it becomes serious as in wedding plans then introduce him to your family. At this point you may lose some or all of your family.
 
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