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starbucks18 starbucks18 is offline
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starbucks18 new and excited

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Thank you for your insights and for sharing your stories with me. I guess even today these things still can be difficult.
- October 11th, 2009, 05:55 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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It becomes a little less difficult every time someone goes forward, instead of giving in to fear.
- October 11th, 2009, 05:58 pm
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stevex stevex is offline
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I totally know how you feel. My dad, who I love to death, asked me about my most recent ex, who he never ended up meeting, but one of his first questions "is she white?". Now I dated an hispanic woman for a year, I don't think he minded that at all. I do wonder though his reaction if I brought an african american lady home. However, I don't need his approval, though it would disappoint me greatly if I didn't get his approval simply because of my dates race.

I agree with others, a neutral place will be best and let your dad see him for who he is and not for any stereotypes he may have in his mind.
- October 11th, 2009, 06:02 pm
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Jato87 Jato87 is offline
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I think the last two posts from legend and alex give you the best advice.

As alex says, surely you wouldn't think of having him meet your family without having many in-depth conversations with your parents beforehand, so that you'll know in advance how they'll receive him. What we strangers think, or guess at is not relevent; what you discuss with your parents beforehand is.

And legend says it all. Each generation grows, changes, and moves ahead. We cannot change past generations and their outdated perceptions of others who are different from themselves. It may be that you won't be able to enjoy the "Hallmark" type of family holidays where everyone is so perfectly in harmony. Most families are pretty disfunctional in one way or another, and you may have to make the best of whatever your parents can accept. What's most important is that it's your life to live; not theirs.
- October 11th, 2009, 06:21 pm
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Mangosteen Mangosteen is offline
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Hi Starbucks18 - I feel for you and I've definitely been in the same situation - knowing parents have certain beliefs that don't match my own. Hopefully your parents will see how your mate treats you and see past the skin to the type of person he is -- especially if you've talked to them about it before the actual meeting.

If they remain stubborn, you will have to decide which is more important to you: having the approval of your family or being with this guy. It's a tough choice.
- October 11th, 2009, 07:03 pm
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Jato87 wrote :
I think the last two posts from legend and alex give you the best advice.

As alex says, surely you wouldn't think of having him meet your family without having many in-depth conversations with your parents beforehand, so that you'll know in advance how they'll receive him. What we strangers think, or guess at is not relevent; what you discuss with your parents beforehand is.

And legend says it all. Each generation grows, changes, and moves ahead. We cannot change past generations and their outdated perceptions of others who are different from themselves. It may be that you won't be able to enjoy the "Hallmark" type of family holidays where everyone is so perfectly in harmony. Most families are pretty disfunctional in one way or another, and you may have to make the best of whatever your parents can accept. What's most important is that it's your life to live; not theirs.
Yep...I have been dating 'out of my race' for several years and am an old hand at dealing with mendacious folks.

I just shrug it off to ignorance and keep it moving....

Thanx for the supportive words!
Last edited by legend29; October 11th, 2009 at 10:15 pm.
- October 11th, 2009, 09:33 pm
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Fleuellen Fleuellen is offline
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starbucks18 wrote :
They both are really into music. My guy is a jazz musician. Maybe somewhere with music, so there doesn't have to be too much talking...
I reckon you've done well with both you're dad and you guy. I wouldn't worry. Just tell your guy that you dad may be a little wired at first with race thing. I'm sure your guy will not be unfamilair with such things.
- October 12th, 2009, 03:41 am
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Hollywood and the media will tell us when America is ready for interracial mainstream....until then, you can expect criticism. (not from me)
- October 12th, 2009, 03:25 pm
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Been in your position before. I come from a stoic french Catholic family and the first gal I was serious about after the divorce is Arab/Asian. I explained to them how I felt about her and how important she was to me and they were able to get beyond their prejudices for the most part. I did have a few preparatory convos with them so all went well. What mattered most to them was that I was happy and she treated me well.

I since have dated gals of various races and ethnicities and the family has grown open minded considerably. Its become a joke of sorts when I have told them I am seeing someone and they ask "Is she white"?

I would keep in mind what others have said about the difficulty in meeting his family as well. Racism is available in all colors.

Good luck in working towards your relationship.
- October 12th, 2009, 05:21 pm
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Agree with all the advice given here. We can't look backwards, only forwards. Ignorance generally dies with generations, that's how it's been with almost every type of discrimination. It just takes time.

Although it seems many people give less deference to their families when it comes to who they date or associate with, religion and race are still two areas in which people seem to be very concerned with their families' opinions. As others have said, it takes a lot of intestinal fortitude -- and real love -- to be in a relationship in such situations. But people are doing it every day, so it's not impossible. You, and you alone, are responsible for your happiness.
- October 12th, 2009, 05:56 pm
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