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gothustartus gothustartus is offline
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How much effort are you putting in? Just turning up isn't enough, if you don't engage people then they're probably not going to bother doing all the work.
As an example i was at a chatroom picnic a couple of months ago, some guy turned up and just stood there in the background waiting for people to talk to him, no one had the slightest idea who he was and since he made no effort to join in they pretty much left him to himself. After about half an hour he got bored and left without a word.
If he ever turns up to another one people are only going to recognise him as that creeepy guy who hangs around the fringes and never says anything.

It's not easy talking to total strangers if you have social anxieties, but that is exactly what you have to do.
- October 11th, 2009, 11:30 pm
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jmavisnj jmavisnj is offline
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First of all, don't let it get to you that no one notices you. When I go to the mall, supermarket, store, gym, etc.. I don't get noticed either. It doesn't bother me, nor it should for you. Figure it this way, the only people who get noticed are very good looking people or very weird looking people. So if we are not being noticed, it's because we're average. No problem with that...I'm normal....you are too.

Now that you're just an average guy like the 80% of us, just make small talk about regular stuff here and there. A "hi" goes far..more then just a walk by a nice girl. I'm not a therapist but I was really shy, still a little, but far more friendly and feels better when people react back to you.

And about no one responding to your profile, just wait. If they aren't interested then so be it. Someone will be. Keep the chin up and act happy in a social occasions. you'll be fine
- October 12th, 2009, 01:02 am
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spacecapsule spacecapsule is offline
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Thank everyone for the advice and support.

As to the poster that mentioned clinical depression. An option was presented to me by my therapist to seen psychiatric help and take a management tool. I protested, as I do not want to take any medicine if I can help it.
- October 12th, 2009, 06:28 pm
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spacecapsule wrote :
Thank everyone for the advice and support.

As to the poster that mentioned clinical depression. An option was presented to me by my therapist to seen psychiatric help and take a management tool. I protested, as I do not want to take any medicine if I can help it.

that's fine, but understand you will need to be in therapy a lot longer than a few sessions. nothing wrong with that.
- October 12th, 2009, 06:46 pm
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Georgetheman Georgetheman is offline
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You need to take initiative to make new friends, both guys and gals. Sometimes I'm like you, I just can't initiate a conversation with a stranger. But sometimes I get up the gumption. And when a stranger strikes up a conversation with me, it makes my day!

So get out there and make someone's day!

Don't even worry about dating or guy/girl relationships now. Just get out there and take risks with people! Some won't work out, but some will, and you'll make new friends. You WILL develop confidence if you take risks. Don't take rejections personally, just move on.

People like to be pursued. It's affirming, whether it's platonic or romantic.
Last edited by Georgetheman; October 13th, 2009 at 09:06 am. Reason: more thoughts
- October 13th, 2009, 09:05 am
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Edmondo Edmondo is offline
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When you go to the gym, church or classes look friendly. That would be smile and making eye contact. When you see someone that you have seen before, acknowledge their presence with a howdy or how is it going. You may want to ask a question as do you know how or what about or could you help me with.

The secret to making friends is being one first. If you show people you are friendly and willing to reach out then they will be friends with you. If someone doesn't answer back then move on to another person.


I have been to those places and I see the wall flowers that sit in the corner, never make eye contact or actually any contact. When they stop showing up nobody notices.
- October 13th, 2009, 10:09 am
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GEF2 GEF2 is offline
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spacecapsule wrote :
Thank everyone for the advice and support.

As to the poster that mentioned clinical depression. An option was presented to me by my therapist to seen psychiatric help and take a management tool. I protested, as I do not want to take any medicine if I can help it.
Exercise is a natural antidepressant. You have to force yourself in the beginning, but I swear, it really works. And, it will also boost your self confidence.
- October 13th, 2009, 08:34 pm
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EMTZ EMTZ is offline
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You need to smile more and post more smiling pics. I am not the type who approaches the opposite sex, but because I just happen to smile a lot, the impression that most people have is that I am very approachable, so they often initiate contact instead of the other way around.
- October 13th, 2009, 08:49 pm
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olneyjeeps olneyjeeps is offline
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GEF2 wrote :
Exercise is a natural antidepressant. You have to force yourself in the beginning, but I swear, it really works. And, it will also boost your self confidence.


X1,000,000,000,000.2
EMTZ wrote :
You need to smile more and post more smiling pics. I am not the type who approaches the opposite sex, but because I just happen to smile a lot, the impression that most people have is that I am very approachable, so they often initiate contact instead of the other way around.

Take it from marketing experts...ever see models frowning?
DennisWisconsin wrote :
I had a similar problem when I was a teen... no it's just because you're a cheesehead

1. Martial arts and weight training training helped me build confidence.

2. Reading a variety of books, magazines, and other news outlets helps you to be a better conversationalist.

3. Taking a night class in something that you're interested in puts you around - possibly - some like minded people and can take your mind off of other things.

4. Take cooking lessons... You increase your confidence when yu take care of yourself well. And you can impress with your skills later under candlelight. Or just be creative and teach yourself! Cookbooks are cheap (and usually in English)!
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trailviews wrote :
Just going to a church or gym isn't a social activity. Gyms have classes you can take, or churches usually have various committees or action groups you can volunteer for.
Absolutely. Not to pimp EH, but are you a member? Was bit of an introvert myself (realli!)
- October 13th, 2009, 09:39 pm
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Gunner_Recall89 Gunner_Recall89 is offline
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Looks like plenty of people noticed you here.

Two pieces of advice I can offer: learn to enjoy alone time (read a book, go for a jog, engage in something enjoyable by yourself). If that doesn't work for you, make people notice you. Now I don't mean run up to strangers and yell in their faces, I mean go to the gym and offer yourself as a spotter for someone or go shopping and strike up a polite conversation with someone idling near you. All you have to do is greet someone and they'll remember your face.
- October 13th, 2009, 11:56 pm
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