Sex Question During Guided Communication


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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #21  October 11,2009, 3:57pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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mountainswind wrote :
HI THERE I WOULD ASK HIM WHICH ONE WAS HE AND I PICK THE OTHER ONE AND CLOSE HIM OUT. WHO REALY CARES WHAT HE WAS TRYING TO SAY OR FIND OUT FROM YOU. IT MADE YOU UNEASY JUST CLOSE HIM OUT. MOUNTAINSWIND
Made her uneasy? The OP wrote:

"In a way, these are good and interesting questions that I've never been asked before during the guided communication process."

These questions didn't seem to make her uneasy. She thought they were 'good and interesting questions'.

I can agree that these questions are kind of vague as to what the match might actually be thinking and asking, but it seems like quite a few people on this thread are taking the position of 'assume the worst'.
Last edited by jayjay; October 11,2009 at 3:59pm.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #22  October 11,2009, 4:03pm
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Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!

If people would close each other out just for asking questions about sex, we'd never be matched up with anyone!

Yeah - she was taken aback by the questions, but she also found them interesting. Being taken aback by someone's questions doesn't necessarily mean that you have to close that match and move on. All questions can make us uneasy or cause us to be taken aback whether they're about sex or not.

If someone closes a match just because he asks about sex, this says more about the closer than it does about the asker.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #23  October 11,2009, 4:04pm
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jayjay wrote :
Made her uneasy? The OP wrote:

"In a way, these are good and interesting questions that I've never been asked before during the guided communication process."

These questions didn't seem to make her uneasy. She thought they were 'good and interesting questions'.

I can agree that these questions are kind of vague as to what the match might actually be thinking and asking, but it seems like quite a few people on this thread are taking the position of 'assume the worst'.
Thank you jayjay for echoing my own thoughts.

Just because she was taken aback by the questions doesn't mean she was uneasy about them.

This is why she needs to ask him what he meant.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #24  October 11,2009, 4:32pm
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I think there are far more interesting and important things to ask early on than the things the guy asked you. I am not so sure I would close him but as a guy I am also not so sure how I would answer.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #25  October 11,2009, 4:47pm
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stevex wrote :
I think there are far more interesting and important things to ask early on than the things the guy asked you. I am not so sure I would close him but as a guy I am also not so sure how I would answer.
She can always send him a picture of herself holding a basket of dirty laundry and pointing at a sink of dirty dishes. Her question to him could be "would you have sex with a skivvy or shall I just change into my evening gown while you're making reservations at the most expensive restaurant in town? Oh and by the way, I'll only come along if you foot the bill." : D (hahahahaha)
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #26  October 11,2009, 6:33pm
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I suspect he is trying to figure out if you're looking for an egalitarian match or a more old-fashioned one. I'd probably just answer according to my wishes.

I do wonder why they have such intimate questions in the initial stages of communication. I don't think it gives off a very good impression to ask those sorts of things of someone you haven't really met yet. But that's just my 2 cents.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #27  October 11,2009, 8:27pm
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clearlyoblique wrote :
Number two doesn't correlate with the black and white choice ... so it doesn't matter.

I would answer the question with one of my own:

1) Would you rather have a fair dialog with a woman who would not take advantage of you financially or would you rather me close you out now?

2) Can you imagine how mind blowing the sex was going to be if we had started with fair, respectful dialog? Trust me. Mind blowing.

Close!
I like it
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #28  October 11,2009, 8:29pm
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Interesting questions in concept. Though I am thinking I would wait until I have gotten past the second date hurdle before asking these questions.
 
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parakeetjordan is offline parakeetjordan Post #29  October 12,2009, 12:27am
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jayjay wrote :
What I wonder is if this match was trying to ask is a version of the 'gender roles' question. I could be wrong, but I wonder if he's trying to find out if your view of men, women and relationships is that men and women are inherently the same (at least emotionally) and that each should play basically the same emotional role in a relationship. Or, if you view men and women as different emotionally and see the man's role in a relationship as more of a 'protector' or emotional support. I wouldn't answer this with another question...I'd simply define the question the way I want to and answer accordingly.
Thanks for bringing this up. I had similar reaction to his questions in that I thought he may be asking me whether I prefer to be with a man who acts in a traditional protector/provider role, or whether I am the feminist/independent type who would be offended if a man opened a door for me or paid for a date. It can be kind of confusing for men nowadays, especially since he can read from my profile that I am an attorney, and probably make decent money. I didn't take his reference to being his equal literally. Of course, I am his equal. He doesn't have the power to make me his equal or take it away.

As for his second question, I thought that he may be asking me if I feel sexier in bed/more turned on in bed with a man that acts in the traditional protector/provider role or with a man that treats me like one of the guys. My answer to this would be the former. If I wanted to be treated like a pal, I would call one of my girlfriends.

If my interpretations of his questions are way off base, and if he is really asking me to choose between being cherished and being his equal as if he has a choice in the matter, then I think he is truly asinine.

Now, I guess I can either give him the benefit of the doubt, and respond to his questions as I have interpreted them, or I can close because either way, I think he asked me these questions too early, and has scared me a bit.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #30  October 12,2009, 12:47am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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parakeetjordan wrote :
Thanks for bringing this up. I had similar reaction to his questions in that I thought he may be asking me whether I prefer to be with a man who acts in a traditional protector/provider role, or whether I am the feminist/independent type who would be offended if a man opened a door for me or paid for a date. It can be kind of confusing for men nowadays, especially since he can read from my profile that I am an attorney, and probably make decent money. I didn't take his reference to being his equal literally. Of course, I am his equal. He doesn't have the power to make me his equal or take it away.

As for his second question, I thought that he may be asking me if I feel sexier in bed/more turned on in bed with a man that acts in the traditional protector/provider role or with a man that treats me like one of the guys. My answer to this would be the former. If I wanted to be treated like a pal, I would call one of my girlfriends.

If my interpretations of his questions are way off base, and if he is really asking me to choose between being cherished and being his equal as if he has a choice in the matter, then I think he is truly asinine.

Now, I guess I can either give him the benefit of the doubt, and respond to his questions as I have interpreted them, or I can close because either way, I think he asked me these questions too early, and has scared me a bit.
If that's what you think he meant....do you think these differ from the prewritten 'gender roles' question that can be selected in the first round of GC? Does a man scare you if he selects this prewritten question in the first round?
 
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