How much baggage do you put up with?


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tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #131  October 11,2009, 5:44pm
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D_Lion wrote :
You question his choice?

I think just about everyone will put up with more of a liability in a partner who also brings more attractive qualities.

This is nearly implicit, in that no one is perfect.
A post from D_Lion I upon which I can agree.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #132  October 11,2009, 5:46pm
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tjlpd wrote :
A post from D_Lion I upon which I can agree.

Accountants are good at postings.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #133  October 11,2009, 5:50pm
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D_Lion wrote :
You question his choice?

I think just about everyone will put up with more of a liability in a partner who also brings more attractive qualities.

This is nearly implicit, in that no one is perfect.
You know, I was just thinking about that because I was invited to a Halloween party and one of my older married friends said it wasn't going to be that much fun, just a bunch of doctors hanging out in costume. I got a big grin and she laughingly said "Oh, I see your point."

I'm not a gold digger, but that really did make me look like one, so I wondered:

If I met a nice guy there and he was a doctor, but working for some charitable organization doing medical care pretty much for free and coming home with about my income (which isn't much), would I still be interested?

Yep! Why? Because the fact that he could be making tons of money but chose to use his skills to help impoverished people would say a lot more than his lack of cash. So a good heart trumps money baggage any day, even if he'd be paying for medical school with his social security checks.
 
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DreamingOfAtlantis is offline DreamingOfAtlantis Post #134  October 11,2009, 5:52pm
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clearlyoblique wrote :
Actually, I get where you are coming from and I think you are saying what a lot of people think but I disagree with you....
So you've never seen or worked with or experienced the dynamics of a 12-step program? They're based on people helping each other heal and supporting each other.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #135  October 11,2009, 5:54pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Accountants are good at postings.
I hope I resemble that remark.
 
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DreamingOfAtlantis is offline DreamingOfAtlantis Post #136  October 11,2009, 5:54pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Did you check her feet?
Didn't worry about that, she's not close enough to me for me to ask her to tango, so that's really not an issue.
 
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DreamingOfAtlantis is offline DreamingOfAtlantis Post #137  October 11,2009, 5:56pm
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chawks64 wrote :
You know, I was just thinking about that because I was invited to a Halloween party and one of my older married friends said it wasn't going to be that much fun, just a bunch of doctors hanging out in costume. I got a big grin and she laughingly said "Oh, I see your point."

I'm not a gold digger, but that really did make me look like one, so I wondered:

If I met a nice guy there and he was a doctor, but working for some charitable organization doing medical care pretty much for free and coming home with about my income (which isn't much), would I still be interested?

Yep! Why? Because the fact that he could be making tons of money but chose to use his skills to help impoverished people would say a lot more than his lack of cash. So a good heart trumps money baggage any day, even if he'd be paying for medical school with his social security checks.
Thanks, Chawks! It's nice to be reminded, from time to time, that there are women with that kind of attitude!
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #138  October 11,2009, 5:59pm
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If it doesn't fit within the boundaries for a carry-on, they need to check it.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #139  October 11,2009, 6:04pm
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hmm that post was modded out. I'll try again.

There ain't no one on the planet without baggage. If you've lived at all, you've been somewhere and done something that has left its mark.

The real question is can you put up with each other's baggage? The only way to answer that is to take that risk and give yourselves some time to figure it out.

Good luck.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #140  October 11,2009, 6:06pm
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clearlyoblique wrote :
Actually, I get where you are coming from and I think you are saying what a lot of people think but I disagree with you.

Good catch, DofA, I missed this one.

It is easy to see how a person can come to either conclusion from experience.

Many pasts which lead to a need to “heal” will get better on their own, with or without any outside actions. Thus a partner present with such a person at that time can come to think their presence contributed.

By the same logic, if the “baggage” of the past issue did not improve, the partner comes to think it is a mistake to get involved with persons with baggage.

In either case, it is random chance which one your partner was.
 
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