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Oregon_Coast_Guy Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline
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yoga_gal wrote :
Ok, I am the reason the number should be two and here is my story!

A guy I see irregularly with work has asked me to lunch before (we happened to be in the same county building out of town at the same time.) At the time, I really was too busy with work to go and I said I would really love to but couldn't go because of timing. I really meant it.

So we run into each other today and he asks again phrasing it this way "I was going to ask you to lunch but you seemed really busy." Now I had gone out of my way to speak to him several times but I thought this was a great way to put it since it gave me an out if I didn't want to go. I said I was starving and would love to go. We had a great lunch and laughed a lot about our weeks. We both said we had a great time!

I wouldn't blame a guy for not wanting to ask a third time.... but two seems like a pretty cool number to me!
But you were interested in the guy. If you weren't interested in him, if he had asked you out again, it would have been creepy.

The OP's question is: How many times you should ask before you move on?
- October 9th, 2009, 07:17 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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yoga_gal wrote :
A guy I see irregularly with work

It is best to date guys who have regular work.
- October 9th, 2009, 07:37 pm
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chawks64 chawks64 is online now
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I would say two, but ONLY if a reasonable amount of time has passed between them. And "Not if you were the last man on earth" would probably mean once was enough.

I had a guy ask me out SEVEN times, the last of which was in front of about 50 coworkers. It did not go over well and he was not happy with any of the seven answers, nor their increasing loudness.
- October 9th, 2009, 07:38 pm
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yoga_gal yoga_gal is offline
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
But you were interested in the guy. If you weren't interested in him, if he had asked you out again, it would have been creepy.

The OP's question is: How many times you should ask before you move on?
Yes, OCG, I was interested and really tried to convey that to the guy and I guess I did what I set out to do. If we were in the same place frequently and on a regular basis I probably would have suggested an alternate plan.

I wasn't suggesting that if you get shot down with just a "No" with nothing else for encouragement that you should ask again. I guess I didn't get from the OP that it definitely was the girl's reply especially since he said "Or if the two of you get along do you wait awhile...." If I misread I apologize!
- October 9th, 2009, 07:39 pm
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grlnxtdr grlnxtdr is offline
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I would say twice, spaced out a couple of weeks. I have been asked out by guys and did not know I was being asked out. Several years ago, a guy asked if I wanted to have drinks with him and some friends, I had no idea he was asking me out, I thought he was just being polite and inviting me to a group event. About five years go by, and this guy is happily married, we worked together, so I ran into him again. He jokingly tells me that he is still mad because he asked me out and I turned him down...I was like "What? You did? When? You are married!" He's like "No dummie, when I was single, remember I asked you if you wanted to get drinks with my friends?" I vaguely remembered, and I was shocked because I had no clue he asked me out. Call me old fashioned but I think a date or getting asked out is more one on one. Who knows how many guys I have unknowingly turned down. I guess I need it spelled out in skywriting for me to get it.
My suggestion: be direct. Like "I would like to take you out sometime, can I have your number to make arrangements, if you are not interested, no pressure, I would just like to spend time with you, if you are so inclined." (Ok, yes I know that is super formal, but you get the point.)
- October 9th, 2009, 07:52 pm
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yoga_gal wrote :
Yes, OCG, I was interested and really tried to convey that to the guy and I guess I did what I set out to do. If we were in the same place frequently and on a regular basis I probably would have suggested an alternate plan.

I wasn't suggesting that if you get shot down with just a "No" with nothing else for encouragement that you should ask again. I guess I didn't get from the OP that it definitely was the girl's reply especially since he said "Or if the two of you get along do you wait awhile...." If I misread I apologize!
So a straight up 'no' or just shaking her head with no explanation means just once?


grlnxtdr wrote :
I would say twice, spaced out a couple of weeks.
This was my next question, it appears that 2-3 times is about right. BUT, how long should I wait between each time? Being on a college campus (same major and many of the same classes in my case), we see each other 4 days a week-this semester. What if the question is asked in different semesters?
- October 9th, 2009, 08:23 pm
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VB_Girl VB_Girl is offline
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How long has it been since you last asked? Did she say why she didn't accept last time?
- October 9th, 2009, 10:43 pm
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Definitely 2! Give her a chance to see how much you want to be with her! That's appealing. Stop after 2 though. More than that is just plain creepy.
- October 9th, 2009, 11:55 pm
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I ask once and only once. If she is interested, she will respond and contact me. If not, she wont. What's the point of wasting my time pursuing someone who is not interested ? They know my phone number and email address. If they like me they wont go poof.

If I am not interested, I don't pursue them or call them. So why should I expect someone not attracted to me to pursue or respond me ?

I get really annoyed when a woman I am obviously not interested in still keeps trying to call me and contact me. I don't want to be like that to someone else.

If time passes and I bump into someone I dated and we are both interested then, fine. That means that maybe as time passed we were meant to be.

Bottom line is I strongly believe that if two people are truely and mutually interested in eachother, they will definitely find a way to contact eachother. The is no need or energy worrying about it.

I refuse to put myself on someones backburner and I have no desire to put someone on mine.
- October 10th, 2009, 12:17 am
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chawks64 wrote :
I had a guy ask me out SEVEN times, the last of which was in front of about 50 coworkers. It did not go over well and he was not happy with any of the seven answers, nor their increasing loudness.


this made me LOL for real.
- October 10th, 2009, 05:59 am
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