Following up after a first date...


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ceh8tva is offline ceh8tva Post #1  October 9,2009, 5:38am
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After a couple weeks of engaging online communication, I had my first date with a guy I met on eHarmony on Wednesday night. We met up for evening drinks, chatted for about two hours, then he walked me to the Metro where we exchanged phone numbers (which I initiated) and hugged a quick good-bye. It seemed to go well; he seemed a bit nervous at certain points (which I interpreted as first-date self-consciousness), but on the whole conversation flowed pretty easily and we had a lot of things in common, including a few mutual friends. I'm not a love-at-first-sight type of person, but by the end I was thinking "this is an interesting guy who I would like to get to know better."

I think that I gave him a pretty clear indication of my interest by giving him my phone number, so I figure the ball is in his court now. In my [fairly limited] dating experience, I'm accustomed to receiving a quick email from a guy the day after a date saying something along the lines of "had a good time last night, will be in touch soon!", but no such email materialized on Thursday.

My question (I guess mostly to guys, but anyone with more dating expertise than I will do) is this: Is it customary for the guy to follow-up immediately after a good date? If not, how big would you consider the post-first-date follow up window to be? What sorts of factors influence how long you wait to follow-up after a date?
Last edited by ceh8tva; October 9,2009 at 5:44am.
 
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penpen2 is offline penpen2 Post #2  October 9,2009, 6:10am
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There are lots of outside factors: shyness/busy schedule/etc. Don't think too much about it.

I had a follow-up after a week. Ugh... what a load of drama in my head during that week.. =_=;;
Just relax and continue talking to other guys. You can follow-up if you want, but if Mr. Wednesday is interested, he will come through on his own.

"What sorts of factors influence how long you wait to follow-up after a date? "
Don't "wait" per se... cuz it's a two-way thing. I like to think of it as "fire and forget." hehehe This will be much easer on your brain. (Speaking as from a woman's perspective) I know I can concoct all sorts of explanations and expectations out of 1 date. Try not to fall into that trap. >_
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  October 9,2009, 6:16am
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If you and he were interested in meeting again then you should have set up a second date at the end of the first.

I rarely hear back from my matches after the first date. I will send an e-mail within a day or so after the first date.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  October 9,2009, 6:16am
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Each guy is different when it comes to communication. Some will e-mail some won't. Some will call the next day, some will wait a few days before they do anything. A general rule of thumb though is that if you haven't heard from him in three days in some form, he is just not that into you.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  October 9,2009, 6:17am
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Another thing not related to your question but something I picked up in your post.

I ask my date to call and let me know she got home OK.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  October 9,2009, 6:19am
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DancingFool wrote :
Each guy is different when it comes to communication. Some will e-mail some won't. Some will call the next day, some will wait a few days before they do anything. A general rule of thumb though is that if you haven't heard from him in three days in some form, he is just not that into you.
According to Dr. Joy Browne say that girl time would be within an hour, guy time would be 10 days.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  October 9,2009, 6:32am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
According to Dr. Joy Browne say that girl time would be within an hour, guy time would be 10 days.
huh?
 
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Daphnie is offline Daphnie Post #8  October 9,2009, 6:33am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
If you and he were interested in meeting again then you should have set up a second date at the end of the first.
I certainly wish this could be true. But my date, whom I have been seeing for over a month, never sets up the next date at the end of the previous one. Instead, he always calls in the following day to ask me out. Can't wrap my brain around it.

In response to the thread, I'd wait for 24 hours for the guys to initiate a follow-up contact. If they don't, I will send them a very polite thank-you E-mail, simply to thank them for the good conversation without suggesting another date. I think it clearly shows that I enjoy their company, and if they do too, they should man up and set up another date.
 
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ceh8tva is offline ceh8tva Post #9  October 9,2009, 6:49am
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penpen2 wrote :
I had a follow-up after a week. Ugh... what a load of drama in my head during that week.. =_=;;
That's rough! When I didn't see an email by noon yesterday my mind started wandering to, "It seemed like it went well...what egregious faux pas did I commit without realizing it?" Premature, of course, but I've gotten so used to immediate follow-up after a good date!

It didn't help that work has been slow, affording me lots of free time to day dream and check my email. I've had to actively force myself to think about other things. Luckily I have a friend coming into town and a lot of plans for the long weekend, which I'm sure will take my mind off it.

I figure if I haven't heard from him by the end of the weekend I'll shoot him an email saying, "It was great meeting you on Wednesday. I remember you mentioned you haven't had much time to plug back into the DC scene since you returned to the area, but there's a fund-raising happy hour for ______ this coming Thursday which attracts a great crowd. Hope you can make it out!"
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  October 9,2009, 6:51am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I ask my date to call and let me know she got home OK.
Do you wonder if this is one reason why you get no second dates? "Drive carefully and call me when you get home" is something my mom says to me.
 
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