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tweet37 tweet37 is offline
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ceh8tva wrote :
After a couple weeks of engaging online communication, ...
{snipped}
This may have been your first mistake. IMHO 'a couple weeks' of e-mails is too long and the two of you may have built up a fantasy of what to expect once you've met. When it didn't quite pan out up to his built-up expectations, things fizzled out.

After a couple of e-mails it's time for some phone conversation, and after one or two of those it's time to meet.

Also, like Gr8Guy said, you should've firmed up date #2 at the closing of date/meeting #1.

Then again I could be entirely wrong and he's been reading too many dating books or womens' magazines and could be going by some rules or perceived dating protocol and will contact you some time later.
- October 9th, 2009, 08:02 am
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ceh8tva ceh8tva is offline
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tweet37 wrote :
This may have been your first mistake. IMHO 'a couple weeks' of e-mails is too long and the two of you may have built up a fantasy of what to expect once you've met. When it didn't quite pan out up to his built-up expectations, things fizzled out.
To clarify slightly, we messaged back and forth a few times within the space of a week and he proposed meeting up. After that we only emailed to set a time and a place that worked for both of us. We both had busy schedules, so we wound up setting our date a week and a half down the road. After that, we only emailed just before to confirm plans.

I can't speak for him, but my impression was that it was enough communication to decide I'd like to meet, but not so much that I felt like I "already knew him".
- October 9th, 2009, 08:19 am
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TheThinker TheThinker is offline
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wrote :
When I didn't see an email by noon yesterday my mind started wandering to, "It seemed like it went well...what egregious faux pas did I commit without realizing it?"
Can someone please send me the handbook? I need one..

You know.... the one where it says Rule #23: "guys are the only ones who know how to use a telephone/computer"...??
Look, you were obviously interested...right?
Why didn't you send a quick note?? I mean, I just don't get this constant bewilderment about how "he didn't call!! What happened?"

We see it all the time here. YOU can only control YOUR actions...no one else's.

Not trying to pick on you personally, but c'mon, ladies...
why sit there and wonder?

I really, really don't get it.
- October 9th, 2009, 08:21 am
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- October 9th, 2009, 08:26 am
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Could be that he was nervous, but yeah, if the date doesn't end with specific plans for a second date, in the least he should make specific plans to communicate (as in, "I'll call you in a couple days about doing something on the weekend"), so IMO 80%+ chance it's DOA.
- October 9th, 2009, 08:36 am
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TheThinker wrote :
Why didn't you send a quick note?? I mean, I just don't get this constant bewilderment about how "he didn't call!! What happened?"
I feel like I gave him some pretty clear "I'm interested" signs at the end of our date by asking for his phone number and giving him mine. I'm waiting on his next move in order to see if that interest is reciprocated. If he doesn't call I'll assume he's not (which is fine), I'm just wondering how long a guy will wait to follow-up if he is interested.

If I don't hear from him in the next few days I'll drop him a low-pressure note similar to the one I indicated in an earlier post ("I'll be at X event on Y day - would love to see you if you're free!"), but since I left the ball squarely in his court I feel like anything more than that would covey the impression that I'm desperate.
- October 9th, 2009, 09:15 am
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Raw_Truth wrote :
... in the least he should make specific plans to communicate (as in, "I'll call you in a couple days about doing something on the weekend"), so IMO 80%+ chance it's DOA.
I think that's a fair statement to make but in the reality of the dating world it's non-committal enough which leads to threads on eH like this one.

Now that the OP has 'clarified slightly', I tend to believe that he may have gone 'poof'. Also, like Raw Truth said, communication goes both ways.
- October 9th, 2009, 09:19 am
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melman wrote :
Do you wonder if this is one reason why you get no second dates? "Drive carefully and call me when you get home" is something my mom says to me.
Aw, come on! I love the post- first date "really had a nice time, would love to see you again, let me know when you make it home safe" text!
- October 9th, 2009, 09:20 am
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ceh8tva wrote :
I feel like I gave him some pretty clear "I'm interested" signs at the end of our date by asking for his phone number and giving him mine. I'm waiting on his next move in order to see if that interest is reciprocated. If he doesn't call I'll assume he's not (which is fine), I'm just wondering how long a guy will wait to follow-up if he is interested.

If I don't hear from him in the next few days I'll drop him a low-pressure note similar to the one I indicated in an earlier post ("I'll be at X event on Y day - would love to see you if you're free!"), but since I left the ball squarely in his court I feel like anything more than that would covey the impression that I'm desperate.
All I'm saying is this:
Men(like women) are just people...that's it...that's all.
Homo sapiens....we all eat, sleep, dream.. work, cr*p...and do the same stupid sh#t when we think no one is watching.

But we are not all cut from the same pattern, everyone is different...he may be so dang shy he's wondering if you liked him, at all.
You said he was a little nervous??...

Everyone is soooooo afraid to "appear desperate"....
You like him, right??!
All this "paralysis by analysis" is crazy...


Drop a line to him, like you say and then you'll know.
Last edited by TheThinker; October 9th, 2009 at 09:39 am.
- October 9th, 2009, 09:33 am
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ceh8tva wrote :
I feel like I gave him some pretty clear "I'm interested" signs at the end of our date ...
You did well. :P
If a guy doesn't pick up on that and follow-up on his own, then he's not worth your troubles.

I think once I was a bit frustrated with the slow pace things were going, so I was pretty direct in that date-closing convo about meeting up again. (Totally tactless.. -_-) Then I went home and went through it a million times in my head how I probably over-did it and scared him away. lol...

So, I think you should do what you're comfortable doing and what you won't regret later on.

Oh about how long you wait, I guess you're still into numbers, eh?

Well... I found this pattern, the more I was really excited about a guy following up, the less likely he would or the longer he would take. That's why I'm trying not to get too excited about first dates or post-date comm anymore. :P

Then there was one man who was really into me but I have a feeling he was reading up on "askmen" or some dating advice site about making a girl wait. So he'd time his responses to every x number of days EXACTLY.

I'm not suggesting Mr. Wednesday is like that, but just that people delay things for really weird reasons. Sometimes they're pretty quirky. lol
- October 9th, 2009, 09:40 am
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