Following up after a first date...


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #11  October 9,2009, 7:02am
tweet37's Avatar

has all the tools and can........satisfy

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 7,318

See profile

ceh8tva wrote :
After a couple weeks of engaging online communication, ...
{snipped}
This may have been your first mistake. IMHO 'a couple weeks' of e-mails is too long and the two of you may have built up a fantasy of what to expect once you've met. When it didn't quite pan out up to his built-up expectations, things fizzled out.

After a couple of e-mails it's time for some phone conversation, and after one or two of those it's time to meet.

Also, like Gr8Guy said, you should've firmed up date #2 at the closing of date/meeting #1.

Then again I could be entirely wrong and he's been reading too many dating books or womens' magazines and could be going by some rules or perceived dating protocol and will contact you some time later.
 
  Reply With Quote
ceh8tva is offline ceh8tva Post #12  October 9,2009, 7:19am
ceh8tva's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Dec 2008

Posts: 21

See profile

tweet37 wrote :
This may have been your first mistake. IMHO 'a couple weeks' of e-mails is too long and the two of you may have built up a fantasy of what to expect once you've met. When it didn't quite pan out up to his built-up expectations, things fizzled out.
To clarify slightly, we messaged back and forth a few times within the space of a week and he proposed meeting up. After that we only emailed to set a time and a place that worked for both of us. We both had busy schedules, so we wound up setting our date a week and a half down the road. After that, we only emailed just before to confirm plans.

I can't speak for him, but my impression was that it was enough communication to decide I'd like to meet, but not so much that I felt like I "already knew him".
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #13  October 9,2009, 7:21am
TheThinker's Avatar

And now for something completely different...

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 5,672

See profile

wrote :
When I didn't see an email by noon yesterday my mind started wandering to, "It seemed like it went well...what egregious faux pas did I commit without realizing it?"
Can someone please send me the handbook? I need one..

You know.... the one where it says Rule #23: "guys are the only ones who know how to use a telephone/computer"...??
Look, you were obviously interested...right?
Why didn't you send a quick note?? I mean, I just don't get this constant bewilderment about how "he didn't call!! What happened?"

We see it all the time here. YOU can only control YOUR actions...no one else's.

Not trying to pick on you personally, but c'mon, ladies...
why sit there and wonder?

I really, really don't get it.
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #14  October 9,2009, 7:26am
TheThinker's Avatar

And now for something completely different...

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 5,672

See profile

**
 
  Reply With Quote
Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #15  October 9,2009, 7:36am
Raw_Truth's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 1,355

See profile

Could be that he was nervous, but yeah, if the date doesn't end with specific plans for a second date, in the least he should make specific plans to communicate (as in, "I'll call you in a couple days about doing something on the weekend"), so IMO 80%+ chance it's DOA.
 
  Reply With Quote
ceh8tva is offline ceh8tva Post #16  October 9,2009, 8:15am
ceh8tva's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Dec 2008

Posts: 21

See profile

TheThinker wrote :
Why didn't you send a quick note?? I mean, I just don't get this constant bewilderment about how "he didn't call!! What happened?"
I feel like I gave him some pretty clear "I'm interested" signs at the end of our date by asking for his phone number and giving him mine. I'm waiting on his next move in order to see if that interest is reciprocated. If he doesn't call I'll assume he's not (which is fine), I'm just wondering how long a guy will wait to follow-up if he is interested.

If I don't hear from him in the next few days I'll drop him a low-pressure note similar to the one I indicated in an earlier post ("I'll be at X event on Y day - would love to see you if you're free!"), but since I left the ball squarely in his court I feel like anything more than that would covey the impression that I'm desperate.
 
  Reply With Quote
tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #17  October 9,2009, 8:19am
tweet37's Avatar

has all the tools and can........satisfy

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 7,318

See profile

Raw_Truth wrote :
... in the least he should make specific plans to communicate (as in, "I'll call you in a couple days about doing something on the weekend"), so IMO 80%+ chance it's DOA.
I think that's a fair statement to make but in the reality of the dating world it's non-committal enough which leads to threads on eH like this one.

Now that the OP has 'clarified slightly', I tend to believe that he may have gone 'poof'. Also, like Raw Truth said, communication goes both ways.
 
  Reply With Quote
trackstar is offline trackstar Post #18  October 9,2009, 8:20am
trackstar's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: May 2009

NJ

Posts: 204

See profile

melman wrote :
Do you wonder if this is one reason why you get no second dates? "Drive carefully and call me when you get home" is something my mom says to me.
Aw, come on! I love the post- first date "really had a nice time, would love to see you again, let me know when you make it home safe" text!
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #19  October 9,2009, 8:33am
TheThinker's Avatar

And now for something completely different...

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 5,672

See profile

ceh8tva wrote :
I feel like I gave him some pretty clear "I'm interested" signs at the end of our date by asking for his phone number and giving him mine. I'm waiting on his next move in order to see if that interest is reciprocated. If he doesn't call I'll assume he's not (which is fine), I'm just wondering how long a guy will wait to follow-up if he is interested.

If I don't hear from him in the next few days I'll drop him a low-pressure note similar to the one I indicated in an earlier post ("I'll be at X event on Y day - would love to see you if you're free!"), but since I left the ball squarely in his court I feel like anything more than that would covey the impression that I'm desperate.
All I'm saying is this:
Men(like women) are just people...that's it...that's all.
Homo sapiens....we all eat, sleep, dream.. work, cr*p...and do the same stupid sh#t when we think no one is watching.

But we are not all cut from the same pattern, everyone is different...he may be so dang shy he's wondering if you liked him, at all.
You said he was a little nervous??...

Everyone is soooooo afraid to "appear desperate"....
You like him, right??!
All this "paralysis by analysis" is crazy...


Drop a line to him, like you say and then you'll know.
Last edited by TheThinker; October 9,2009 at 8:39am.
 
  Reply With Quote
penpen2 is offline penpen2 Post #20  October 9,2009, 8:40am
penpen2's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Sep 2009

Toronto, Canada

Posts: 233

See profile

ceh8tva wrote :
I feel like I gave him some pretty clear "I'm interested" signs at the end of our date ...
You did well. :P
If a guy doesn't pick up on that and follow-up on his own, then he's not worth your troubles.

I think once I was a bit frustrated with the slow pace things were going, so I was pretty direct in that date-closing convo about meeting up again. (Totally tactless.. -_-) Then I went home and went through it a million times in my head how I probably over-did it and scared him away. lol...

So, I think you should do what you're comfortable doing and what you won't regret later on.

Oh about how long you wait, I guess you're still into numbers, eh?

Well... I found this pattern, the more I was really excited about a guy following up, the less likely he would or the longer he would take. That's why I'm trying not to get too excited about first dates or post-date comm anymore. :P

Then there was one man who was really into me but I have a feeling he was reading up on "askmen" or some dating advice site about making a girl wait. So he'd time his responses to every x number of days EXACTLY.

I'm not suggesting Mr. Wednesday is like that, but just that people delay things for really weird reasons. Sometimes they're pretty quirky. lol
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« First phone calls | Dating | What a great opportunity we have! »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
How much physical contact is appropriate for a first date? JustSomeGuy12 Dating 158 October 15,2011 8:55am
Fear of Date? passat1 Dating 12 May 2,2011 9:13am
Texting other women on a date Mystified101 Ask a Dating Expert 77 April 10,2011 6:11pm
Second date, No Kiss: is this guy even interested in me? bronte71 Dating 70 January 27,2011 6:27pm
Bad Second Date Sort of bdavie Ask a Dating Expert 16 October 12,2009 11:29pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:21pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0