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melman melman is offline
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Fleuellen wrote :
What do you do when you go shopping? Don't you ever talk with store holders, other shoppers. What bus, trains. They are so crowded that I can't help but trip over people.


I'm not sure where you are from, but I assume it is from a culture or country much different than what the Average American sees every day. Many of us can go from home to car to work to car to shop to car to home without needing to speak to anyone. We don't ride buses and trains. Stores have automatic checkout stands where we do all the work ourselves. Americans do not, in general, start random conversations with strangers. And not that we all walk around with Ipods stuck in our ears, the odds are even less than they were before.
- October 9th, 2009, 04:29 pm
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melman wrote :
... We don't ride buses and trains.

So all those folk on the BART weren't American? And I'm not sure how you get about NY if is weren't by bus or train. An the Acela is fantastic!

Stores have automatic checkout stands where we do all the work ourselves.

So do some of ours. But just like you we have fresh food markets (very popular) strip shopping. I'm sure groceries don't majically appear in your pantry, like on Star Trek, just yet.

Americans do not, in general, start random conversations with strangers.

So? Doesn't mean you can't. But again, I don't except that. Americans are such chatty folk. Always something to say. I've never felt you could avoid talking with them.

And not that we all walk around with Ipods stuck in our ears, the odds are even less than they were before.

So how did Obama get elected if it wasn't for folk talking to each other?
PS So cool that President Obama received the Nobel peace prize!
- October 9th, 2009, 05:10 pm
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Do you have a single guy friend that you can go out to happy hour with? It makes it a lot easier to go to a bar when you have a buddy to hang out with. Unfortunately, the bar scene is where you will have a target rich environment. Have you ever been to The Belmont? It's a nice crowd and there is usually some kind of live music. Sullivan's also has a bar with live music. Did you go to ACL? I went alone a couple of years ago and ended up meeting a guy that I dated for quite a while. Any kind of music fest or venue will attract people with similar tastes as yours, so you automatically have something in common. I like someone's suggestion of a cooking class or dance class. Maybe you can check out the demographics before committing to a bunch of lessons. Sports bars attract a lot of guys, and that attracts a lot of single women who are looking to date. Museum mixers and art gallery openings are also fun. Also, try on-line dating. A friend of mine may not "click" with a lot of the guys she meets, but she manages to keep many of them as friends. Tomorrow we are going boating with one of these men, and who knows? He may have buddies that we click with, and if not, at least we are out having a good time and making new friends.
- October 9th, 2009, 05:13 pm
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melman melman is offline
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Fleuellen wrote :

So all those folk on the BART weren't American? And I'm not sure how you get about NY if is weren't by bus or train. An the Acela is fantastic!
The average American does not live in San Francisco or New York. And I'm not even sure what an Acela is. The average American drives everywhere.

And I think I'm doing you a favor by asking you to keep political comments out of this thread. There must be a forum or group for that kind of stuff.
- October 9th, 2009, 05:22 pm
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melman wrote :


I'm not sure where you are from, but I assume it is from a culture or country much different than what the Average American sees every day. Many of us can go from home to car to work to car to shop to car to home without needing to speak to anyone. We don't ride buses and trains. Stores have automatic checkout stands where we do all the work ourselves. Americans do not, in general, start random conversations with strangers. And not that we all walk around with Ipods stuck in our ears, the odds are even less than they were before.
Most nonAmericans do have that urban stereotype in mind when they think of American culture. Truth is, our rural areas can be very isolated, despite the pervasive media. I wonder if the availability of the internet and other mass media hasn't strengthened that isolation, because it makes the 'flight to the cities' less necessary - you can watch a live opera, visit major museums, participate in political movements, all from your living room in South Podunk Junction.
- October 9th, 2009, 05:32 pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
Funny you should say that.

Guess where I am and how I'm dressed?!
I am guessing you are dressed how I was dressed when I wrote it. Of course, you are probably sleeping now...
- October 9th, 2009, 05:45 pm
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my5cents wrote :
As most people have said: meetup groups. I've been asked out at certain events, and sometimes guys will e-mail me through my meetup profile if they are more of the shy type. My main thing is that I do things that I enjoy not necessarily to meet a guy. So I go to coffee shops, book stores, I bike, I run, and while doing those things I wouldn't mind being approached by a guy. I've been approached while doing all those things and what I would say is that I absolutely respect guys who have the guts and nerve to initiate a conversation or ask for my number. Good luck, there are many women out there who are open to being approached while at these places.
Hmm, I have found what you say to be quite the opposite. Every woman I strike up a conversation up with ignore me and act like they are want to meet noone. I often see women out walking or hiking with theier headphones on.

Its refreshing to hear that there are some women out there who dont mind being approached in public.I just always seem to run into the opposite.

I am shy at hitting on or flirting with strange women, but I am friendly and outgoing and am always striking up conversations with people. Yet most of the women I start talking to ignore me and give me that "You think you can get me?" look. I dont think there is anything awkward or intrusive with my approach.

Waitresses and store clerks are friendly with me, but they have to be to get tips and get business and keep their jobs. QAnd beyond talking I am not all that interesting in dating a waitress who is 15 years younger than me.

I am just being my friendly self, I am not asking them to marry me. Geez!
- October 9th, 2009, 06:04 pm
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I still think happy hours are a good place to meet people, even in our 40's. Problem with me is I don't have the appearance right now for that to be a viable option.
- October 9th, 2009, 06:07 pm
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I am very disappointed by the lack of friendly people in general in my area. I have been told by friends that my obesity is hurting me there. But that aside, people just are not very friendly in my area and would rather be alone.

Even the people in the small town in New Mexico where I previosly lived were more friendly that they are in Phoenix.

I am starting to think that people in general in large urban areas just want to be alone and do their thing and not socialize.

I am thinking random public encounters are not the answer. I am looking into meetup and other clubs right now.
- October 9th, 2009, 06:13 pm
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Fleuellen wrote :
I don't get it. I run across interesting, attractive and quite a few unattached men and women every day. In fact the only way I figure you can't is the hang around at home, don't be involved in your local community and don't talk ith anyone. What do you do when you go shopping? Don't you ever talk with store holders, other shoppers. What bus, trains. They are so crowded that I can't help but trip over people. My sons scout group - same. Catching up with friends at pubs, theatre. I never date folk a work but there are people there too. Obviously. Sometimes I crave jut being at home, quiet! You might check out the book "bowling alone." Yes, we do live in an insular, socially restricted, urban lifestyle where we don't often know our neighbours names. But it need not be so. Tonight I hired a DVD to watch as I want to stay at home. But to do so I learnt the young store clerks name (Katie), and mentioned my appreciation that they had a Russian film in I had missed at the cinema and discuss the lack of popularity of subtitled films. I’m sure you can introduce yourself to your neighbour, leave the car at home and get out into your on space. But don’t do to meet people. Do it because you like being amongst your community. If you don’t, it is best you don’t find a partner. It won’t last, and you’ll only make someone else miserable.
It sounds as if you live in a populated area where you must have interaction with people. I myself live in a populated area and can meet a lot of people, however, just because I meet them, does not mean they are relationship material. I think it is inappropriate to ask people you have just met at the bank, grocery store, etc their marital status or if they are dating anyone. If someone approached me in a store, and asked me if I was single I would wonder what the alterior motive is. I can understand if you go to the same coffee shop day after day and start to develope a friendship with the clerk, but to just ask a random stranger out is a huge risk.
Some people think that if a place attracts a lot of attractive people(such as a gym,) then it must be a good place to meet them, but they are assuming that the person wants to get met. I prefer to have alone time at the gym and not get approached by men. If I saw the same guy day after day at the gym, and we manage to strike up a conversation I might consider him as someone to date, but that could take months, because I would have to have a certain amount of familiarity with him to feel comfortable talking to him. I am not shy, but I am very picky in who I choose to date.
- October 9th, 2009, 06:35 pm
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