Down_To_Earth_Runner is offline Down_To_Earth_Runner Post #1  October 8,2009, 5:35pm
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Hello all. I am in a very unfortunate and uncomfortable position right now that I’m sure many of people can relate to. I am at the point where I need to break things off with a match, but am not sure of the best way to do it. I just do not feel that the chemistry is there.

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2]Let me give you a bit of history. I met this match over 2 ½ months ago, and we hit it off right away. We went fairly quick through the GC and had good OC message sessions. We had a lot of the same interests and same personalities. We finally decided to start using e-mail after a week or so of OC. We e-mailed for about 3 weeks, and really connected. After that she gave me her number and we have been texting & talking for about a month now. We recently went on a couple dates.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #2  October 8,2009, 5:45pm
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Eh, before you do this, you might want to talk to her about this issue.

You do already probably just know, and if you do just know, then you should break up with her. But you should at least try to do it in person. Realize that it's for the best for both of you, freeing you both up to find the right person rather being in the wrong relationship.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  October 8,2009, 5:59pm
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I disagree that it needs to be done in person but it should be done at least in a phone call. You have only dated a couple of times so it is silly to have a date just to break up.

It seems that all you need to say is that you just are not feeling the chemistry.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #4  October 8,2009, 6:11pm
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I'd say you tell her you like her, but you want to date other people because you don't feel like the chemistry is there for something long term. If you can find some way to explain to her why, that might help her in the future and you'd be doing her a favor, if you can do it in a reasonably nice direct way.

If you really like this girl, and it kind of sounds like you do, then you might try telling her your frustration directly first. Maybe she thinks she is being polite by letting you do the talking. I work in a business where my job is listening to others, and I have found as a result I tend not to say alot in social settings any more.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #5  October 8,2009, 6:35pm
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Have you learned that you can't judge "chemistry" in emails and texts? Your in-person interaction has been poor, so why are you agonizing over moving on? Is this the first woman that you've "dated"? (In quotes because you have just barely done so.)

You've expressed your frustrations quite well above, and stated that it makes you uncomfortable, and that there is no substance. I would have no trouble emailing this to her and moving on. I bet she would be relieved to hear it.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #6  October 8,2009, 6:56pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I disagree that it needs to be done in person but it should be done at least in a phone call. You have only dated a couple of times so it is silly to have a date just to break up.

It seems that all you need to say is that you just are not feeling the chemistry.
I misread that. I thought that they had gone on more dates than just a few.

Gr8Guyn2008 is right in that since there has been only a few dates, it's OK to do this over the phone.

And you're not even breaking up. Seriously. You're not in a relationship, you're just dating. It's OK to say that you're not feeling the chemistry.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #7  October 8,2009, 6:56pm
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melman wrote :
Have you learned that you can't judge "chemistry" in emails and texts? Your in-person interaction has been poor, so why are you agonizing over moving on? Is this the first woman that you've "dated"? (In quotes because you have just barely done so.)

You've expressed your frustrations quite well above, and stated that it makes you uncomfortable, and that there is no substance. I would have no trouble emailing this to her and moving on. I bet she would be relieved to hear it.
Actually, I think the OP is a thoughtful and considerate person for going to such trouble. A keeper even. So many people leave the other person hanging in confusion, uncertainty and wondering what the hell happened.

But that's just my 2 cents.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #8  October 8,2009, 7:28pm
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nightling wrote :
Actually, I think the OP is a thoughtful and considerate person for going to such trouble. A keeper even. So many people leave the other person hanging in confusion, uncertainty and wondering what the hell happened.
Nobody was suggesting that he poof. We are telling him to man up and end this relationship-that-really-isn't.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  October 8,2009, 7:32pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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One thing I will say is....I've never known a woman, no matter how shy or reserved, that once she eventually got comfortable with a man wouldn't talk (and talk and talk). I think eventually she'd get to that place with you....but you may not be willing to wait that long.
 
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HappyandLight is offline HappyandLight Post #10  October 8,2009, 7:45pm
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Take a deep breath and just be honest, firm yet kind.

It will hurt but when you break up with respect and honesty they can get over it much quicker.

She may even feel the same, who knows?
 
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