He's / She's just not that into you ~ discuss


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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #1  October 8,2009, 3:07pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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As the filmography of Jennifer Aniston seems to make for interesting or fun threads at the moment here's another.

Have you seen the film "He's Just Not That Into You" ?

It contains the liberating notion that if someone is really into you then they will let you know. You don't have to worry yourself with analyzing their actions, interpeting their game play or worrying if you're getting it right.

If they are into you then the responsibility lies with them to make it clear......not with you to figure it out. Sweet. Surely?

How comfortable would you be adopting this strategy? You'd have to
  • Be upfront that you like someone when you do
  • Not overthink the dates you go on
  • Not try to chase a response or clarification from someone who doesn't respond as keenly as they might every time.
............ and what if they haven't even seen the film?
 
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QAKittyCat is offline QAKittyCat — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  October 8,2009, 3:12pm
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I have read the book and seen the movie. The movie was quite funny. I enjoyed it (and technically, I had no expectations what so ever) and found it amusing.

I agree with the concept and I've rolled with it. Still though, it's hard not to over think it when there is an off day, when someone have a bad day or is not him/herself... so I guess, trust? Communication? Gut feeling? You just know if that person is into you?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  October 8,2009, 3:25pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
How comfortable would you be adopting this strategy? You'd have to
  • Be upfront that you like someone when you do
  • Not overthink the dates you go on
  • Not try to chase a response or clarification from someone who doesn't respond as keenly as they might every time.


This all sounds like standard procedure for men.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  October 8,2009, 3:33pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
  • Be upfront that you like someone when you do
  • Not overthink the dates you go on
  • Not try to chase a response or clarification from someone who doesn't respond as keenly as they might every time.
D_Lion wrote :
[/list]
This all sounds like standard procedure for men.
And for some women too.....
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  October 8,2009, 4:25pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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trixie1868 wrote :
As the filmography of Jennifer Aniston seems to make for interesting or fun threads at the moment here's another.

Have you seen the film "He's Just Not That Into You" ?

It contains the liberating notion that if someone is really into you then they will let you know. You don't have to worry yourself with analyzing their actions, interpeting their game play or worrying if you're getting it right.

If they are into you then the responsibility lies with them to make it clear......not with you to figure it out. Sweet. Surely?


How comfortable would you be adopting this strategy? You'd have to
  • Be upfront that you like someone when you do
  • Not overthink the dates you go on
  • Not try to chase a response or clarification from someone who doesn't respond as keenly as they might every time.
............ and what if they haven't even seen the film?
There are a very, very few women that I'll be 'really into'.... and I'll absolutely let these women know it. In those rare cases I'm so motivated to be with these women that I generally even forget to be self conscious or nervous. However, this happens very rarely and I think a great relationship could also start with a woman that I'm interested in to begin with.... but not to that extreme amount. Generally though, if I have a real long term interest in a woman she'll have no doubt about my interest in her.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #6  October 8,2009, 4:31pm

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I have not read the book or seen the movie but I do remember when Oprah had the writer on her show. Not because I watched it but because a friend taped it for me "since I should watch it". lol!! I guess that shows what my friend thought my ex thought of me.

Yeah - never did watch the tape. I can be contrary like that when I get told I have to do something.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #7  October 8,2009, 4:34pm
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is so in love!!

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I saw the movie and read the book and I think that with men it really is simple. Unless they are into game playing just to get something out of you - they really do send out signals (which are usually clear unless you don't want to see them) or just tell you straight out what they want from you. If they are not into you, you will know it if you pay attention. Of course this isn't 100% but seriously if you pay attention and don't fantasize about how you want things to be instead of how they really are - you will see the signs.
 
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buffengineer is offline buffengineer Post #8  October 8,2009, 5:13pm
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yes.. Men are very simple.. They generally look for the following (in this order, honestly)

#1) Physical Attraction/Physical appearance
#2) Emotional and intellectectual intellegence (can you carry a conversation, this could also include education, emotional maturity, Basically they are looking for someone that is emotionally and intellectually on the same level or better)
#3) Interests/Spriturality/Other (share similar interests, share same political beliefs/share same religious beliefs)

The order could vary for some men but for the most part men want women who they are physically attracted to.. If you go on a date alot of men can tell in the first minute or two if its a pass/fail to contiune based on appearance. I know I have turned down numerous women because oft their appearance without telling them.. And alot of women because of personality issues (#2). That is why alot of out of shape/overweight women will not get second and third dates and the women who put alot into their appearance and are fashionable ususally are married or have regualar boyfriends.. Especially if they are emotionally and intellectaly mature for their age.. Generally women who are older and have never been married generally need to work on themselves more before continuing dating.. You have to be the type of person that attracts the opposite sex. So many women miss this. They wonder why they are single and they have very few traits that the majority of men would not find attractive.. So yes, men are very simple.. Much simplier then you think.. They just won't tell you what I told you but its the total truth... So if your overweight/out of shape that should be the number one priority... Weather single or married, healthy people are attractive...
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #9  October 8,2009, 6:54pm

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TiffanyDiamond wrote :
I saw the movie and read the book and I think that with men it really is simple. Unless they are into game playing just to get something out of you - they really do send out signals (which are usually clear unless you don't want to see them) or just tell you straight out what they want from you. If they are not into you, you will know it if you pay attention. Of course this isn't 100% but seriously if you pay attention and don't fantasize about how you want things to be instead of how they really are - you will see the signs.
So true!!!
 
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goldengirl7676 is offline goldengirl7676 Post #10  October 8,2009, 7:40pm
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TiffanyDiamond wrote :
I saw the movie and read the book and I think that with men it really is simple. Unless they are into game playing just to get something out of you - they really do send out signals (which are usually clear unless you don't want to see them) or just tell you straight out what they want from you. If they are not into you, you will know it if you pay attention. Of course this isn't 100% but seriously if you pay attention and don't fantasize about how you want things to be instead of how they really are - you will see the signs.
I've read the book and I agree that it was funny, well written and made for a good episode of Sex and the City, but I think it's being used way too much as an excuse for some guys to behave inconsiderately instead of politely letting someone know they're not interested. This whole he's-just-not-that-into-you thing is funny, but it's also a huge cop-out. A guy could simply say, "It was fun meeting/talking to you" and leave it at that instead of leading a girl on with the usual "I'll call you" or "Let's get together again soon" BS. Then she wouldn't be left to wonder why he doesn't call and end up second-guessing herself. That's just my two cents, though...
 
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