Internet dating making relationships more difficult?


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three_eyes is offline three_eyes Post #1  October 7,2009, 6:24pm
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I am developing a theory that internet dating contributes to the long-term inability of people (particularly women) to form healthy relationships.

Why do I say that? Because in my experience, the likelihood of men (and maybe women?) behaving in a rude and disrespectful manner is greatly increased. Mind you, I have no data to support this theory, but through my own experience and those of my friends and family (and folks on these boards), I have noticed what appears to be a pattern. Namely, that women are much more likely to have a guy disappear on them with no explanation, or to expect to be treated rudely or without respect by men on internet dating sites, that they put up walls to prevent hurt, that might not have otherwise been there. They are also much more distrustful of men.

I realize this happens in IRL dating as well, but I wonder if the ease with which someone can ignore another person online, or just disappear, makes the problem worse?

Thoughts? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Or maybe there is some other explanation I'm not seeing?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  October 7,2009, 6:29pm
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Are you describing a pattern you think only exists online, and does not apply in real life (even amoug those people using online), then I think it is not germane to men you meet in real life.

If you think the pattern learned online translates to real life, then the concern is greater.

To be blunt, though, I think the disrespect shown by women online is massively greater: a man may disappear on a woman from time to time, but women do not even grant men the courtesy of a reply most of the time.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  October 7,2009, 6:30pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I've been thinking of starting a thread that ties in closely with yours. What I've been wondering is if dating someone from the internet makes people more likely to behave poorly.

What I mean is, if you date someone who you know through a friend, family, school, work etc. then you share social connections. This being the case people may be less likely to behave badly. On the other hand, when you date someone from the internet you very likely don't even know any of the same people. I wonder if this lack of any shared social network may tend to allow even generally good, polite people to feel the license to act badly because there simply are no social consequences of doing so.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #4  October 7,2009, 6:30pm
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Hey three eyes!

I think you probably have the causality backwards. With the internet we are now very aware of guys/girls "poofing".

Happens plenty too IRL when some guy (girl) scores the phone number of some chick (guy) (and doesn't call).
Last edited by DDjr; October 7,2009 at 6:34pm. Reason: Added phrase for clarity.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #5  October 7,2009, 6:31pm
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three_eyes wrote :
I am developing a theory that internet dating contributes to the long-term inability of people (particularly women) to form healthy relationships.

Why do I say that? Because in my experience, the likelihood of men (and maybe women?) behaving in a rude and disrespectful manner is greatly increased. Mind you, I have no data to support this theory, but through my own experience and those of my friends and family (and folks on these boards), I have noticed what appears to be a pattern. Namely, that women are much more likely to have a guy disappear on them with no explanation, or to expect to be treated rudely or without respect by men on internet dating sites, that they put up walls to prevent hurt, that might not have otherwise been there. They are also much more distrustful of men.

I realize this happens in IRL dating as well, but I wonder if the ease with which someone can ignore another person online, or just disappear, makes the problem worse?

Thoughts? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Or maybe there is some other explanation I'm not seeing?
I disbelieve.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #6  October 7,2009, 6:33pm
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jayjay wrote :
What I mean is, if you date someone who you know through a friend, family, school, work etc. then you share social connections. This being the case people may be less likely to behave badly. On the other hand, when you date someone from the internet you very likely don't even know any of the same people. I wonder if this lack of any shared social network may tend to make even generally good, polite people to act badly because there simply are no consequences of doing so.
This is a different way of stating my long-held belief that eH meetings are worse than blind dates. If your Grandma set us up and the date is a nightmare, I can tell Grandma all about it. Dr. eH, on the other hand, doesn't care a hoot.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  October 7,2009, 6:40pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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melman wrote :
This is a different way of stating my long-held belief that eH meetings are worse than blind dates. If your Grandma set us up and the date is a nightmare, I can tell Grandma all about it. Dr. eH, on the other hand, doesn't care a hoot.
Unless Grandma doesn't give a hoot either. lol
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  October 7,2009, 6:44pm
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melman wrote :
This is a different way of stating my long-held belief that eH meetings are worse than blind dates. If your Grandma set us up and the date is a nightmare, I can tell Grandma all about it. Dr. eH, on the other hand, doesn't care a hoot.

Maybe not, but Dr. eH does measure, monitor and manage his product, while most people’s grandmothers have never read a piece of peer-reviewed material, yet are convinced they know something.

In any case, since your eH dates are women you would not otherwise have met at all, your subscription payment gives you a greater absolute number of women to try to charm the pants off of them.

If you fail, that is on you.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #9  October 7,2009, 6:48pm
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I say we put Grandma and Dr. eH in the steel cage and see who wins.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  October 7,2009, 6:52pm
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three_eyes wrote :
I have noticed what appears to be a pattern. Namely, that women are much more likely to have a guy disappear on them with no explanation, or to expect to be treated rudely or without respect by men on internet dating sites, that they put up walls to prevent hurt, that might not have otherwise been there. They are also much more distrustful of men.
The only IRL observation I can make is that whenever I hear women talking about eH or e-dating in general, it is women that don't appear to get a lot of male attention in real life, but get on eH and delight in all the matches they can close and/or meet and then complain about.
 
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