open minded or not?what is this chemistry thing?


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currentlysinglebychoice is offline currentlysinglebychoice Post #1  October 7,2009, 6:35am
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I am single. I have dated a great deal and after reading several posted forums on topics from kissing and or sex on the first date, heavy vs skinny, conversation content on first date...yada yada yada...I think the only thing we could all agree on, possibly, is that dating in the 21st century has evolved into a beast of its own and it is challenging to say the least. I talk to many singles and the concerns are all the same. Where one couple may have success having sex on the first date and then end up married, many more will not. Where some will deny that elusive first kiss and still not get a second date, well I think perhaps maybe some of us are misreading visual cues? I have watched all the biological and psychological slanted perspectives on eductional tv programs showing the physiological basis for attraction etc,,,but I am no closer to "closing the deal!" lol...I can not reduce it to a non interest based on heavy or unhealthy because ultimately every man and every woman has their own ideal of what is attractive. There is a pot for every lid! Now trying to find that "fit" is the issue. I agree, do not disclose too much info especially about financials..men like to be the bread winner and a woman too successful ultimately can intimidate. But the right man would not! Isn't that a given? We could talk in circles about that right person would accept all our inequitites and vice versa, but that is it in a nut shell. We all seek that right partner and have to kiss a lot of toads to find them? I am done, personally, kissing any more toads, lol. I am opting for the more conservative approach of hanging with friends, yes they are all now in relationships and I am the lone single in the crowd. I chuckle at their tales of deceit and uncompromising tales of difficulty and wonder why I want what they have and they want what I have? Ironic really. No, many are satisfied with what they have, but like the independance and freedom that I have. Well here we go into a holiday weekend and although I feel blessed and happy to have my children, I still cook it alone and without a companion. That is when I question, single by choice. I question my standards? But then really, my criteria has been reduced to 1. truly single, 2. no addictions, 3. working full time.
Sad to say that I am having a hard enough time actually meeting someone truly single. That doesn't include the men I fight off with a stick because they have seeminly forgot how to treat a lady, so looks, personality etc has not even made it into the ranks yet!lol...Am I giving up? no! I am following my favorite quote, If I always do what I have always done then I will produce the same results. I do not want to produce any more of what I have already done, thanks! So, forget the I am too heavy or too thin, or too funny, too smart or too whatever!!!!Recognize how great you are as you are, and that learning to be happy in that capacity is enough, until you meet the one who will also recognize you in that capacity. fyi..full figured woman are attractive to many different cultures of men. Dont let advertising reflect your perspective of self. If you don't like what you see in the mirror then change it for you. But if you like you, you will attract a man to whatever your weight currently is. Don't let one perspective dictate how you see yourself. I am beautiful and created that way. I don't have to be for the masses! I just have to like me and appreciate me. I once chatted with a man who felt that all women were obese if they wore more than a size 10? wow!!and he is empowering that belief on his daughter?considering at 12 I was size 12 and running over ten miles a day, in my best pysical shape ever, who has the misconception of size? Don't buy into other peoples perceptions of identity. It is damaging. Keep your eyes on who you are versus what you look like..others will eventually capture that beauty. So truly, I am currently single by choice.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  October 7,2009, 8:49am
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Are you through with your fat rant?

You are not single by choice. You are single because, for all your words of being happy with yourself you still have a self esteem issue.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #3  October 7,2009, 9:03am
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currentlysinglebychoice wrote :
considering at 12 I was size 12 and running over ten miles a day, in my best pysical shape ever, who has the misconception of size? Don't buy into other peoples perceptions of identity. It is damaging. Keep your eyes on who you are versus what you look like..others will eventually capture that beauty. So truly, I am currently single by choice.
Yeah, a size 12 back when you were 12 is NOT the same size 12 today. I was a size 10 back then, which is the number on the tag that I have expanded back into over the last few months (due to an injury, lack of exercise and too much Chinese take-out) and there is no way I could squeeze myself into the clothes I wore way back then. So I think you might actually have a misconception of what those sizes mean.

That's not to say that I am not happy for your sense of empowerment. I am just saying it is important to be objective and not to dismiss someone else's viewpoint as biased and wrong because of your own biases.

I wish you luck with your choice to be single!
Last edited by MelinCali; October 7,2009 at 9:04am. Reason: So, what is the question?
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #4  October 7,2009, 9:09am

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clothing sizes and weight really don't have anything to do with anything. it's where you carry the weight that's important.
for women, that's b00bs and butt, for men, that would be the wallet.





it's a joke calm down
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #5  October 7,2009, 9:12am
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If you paragraph what you write it would be easier to read... as it is too much work trying to read this. Brevity works wonders also.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #6  October 7,2009, 9:16am
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scarlet13 wrote :
clothing sizes and weight really don't have anything to do with anything. it's where you carry the weight that's important.
for women, that's b00bs and butt, for men, that would be the wallet.





it's a joke calm down
I thought it was funny... butt then I'll laugh at anything... buttwise that is... anyway... since my father and uncles have been forced to have hip surgeries due to sitting on their wallets their whole lives, I have resorted to taking everything out of my wallet with the exception of a few items... now how's that for being buttwise!
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Last edited by DennisWisconsin; October 7,2009 at 9:33am.
 
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currentlysinglebychoice is offline currentlysinglebychoice Post #7  October 7,2009, 1:49pm
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wow! funny how people interpret somethings? I wasnt aware that the inference was that I was fat? I just felt bad for those that I was reading about that felt that was their issue?
 
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currentlysinglebychoice is offline currentlysinglebychoice Post #8  October 7,2009, 1:51pm
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I think I am baffled that people interpreted this as my issue, I read many diff forums and thought man, some people are hung up on the weight thing when its really their own attitude to the issue. Did not expect what people are writing back, interesting!
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #9  October 7,2009, 2:16pm

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currentlysinglebychoice wrote :
I think I am baffled that people interpreted this as my issue, I read many diff forums and thought man, some people are hung up on the weight thing when its really their own attitude to the issue. Did not expect what people are writing back, interesting!
Hi currently .. Can you go back and edit your post and put it into paragraphs.. I think people get blurry-eyed reading like that. maybe it will help others understand what point you're trying get across.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  October 7,2009, 3:19pm
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Yes, paragraphs are your friend. Short ones.
 
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