Dating site advice - guys using 'flirts' instead of real messages...


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MazarineSunset is offline MazarineSunset Post #1  October 5,2009, 9:15pm

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I was a member of EH for 6+ months, and quit because of NO responses- even when I initated contact.

I've triend a couple of diferent sites, all free ( I'm not PAYING for a membership again unless I know there is something worthwhile in it)

One one site I belong to, I have been very encouraged by the apparent response -I get lots of 'flirt' messages, (pre-written messages - like valentine hearts - 'I like you', 'you're cute', 'hugs', roses, etc) often 3-5 from the same guy over a week or so. Whether I initiate contact, or they do, these men break down into 3 categories:

1. NO WAY. (maybe he's a smoker, scammer,or some other big issue for me - not a long list, anyway)

2. Men whose profiles are appealing, but WAY too far away to actually DATE. (if they contact me, I send back a short note of thanks but no, thanks.)

3. those who actually live within driving distance of me and have something in their profile that makes me thing we might be a match. I have written short notes, asking a few questions, encouraging them to respond - yet all I get in return is these 'flirts'.

Why is this?

Why do so many men put up a profile, limit that profile to a short paragraph and then, once they actually get a friendly response ( no matter who initiated contact) WHY do they not actually write something back????? Why do they continue to send automated responses to my written notes? or multiple 'flirts' ?

I have a hard time understanding why a man would go to the trouble of posting a profile, initiating or reponding to a contact, but never actually WRITING BACK?????

Any ideas?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  October 6,2009, 7:48am
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Don't know what free sites you are on but you get what you pay for.

Mostly you are going to find guys on these sites that are looking to hook up not looking for a real realtionship.

Just my $.02
 
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smileatjen is offline smileatjen Post #3  October 6,2009, 8:07am
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I think for myself I'm about done with EH. Its no different then all the rest. Just costs more lol
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #4  October 6,2009, 8:10am
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First you might want to put up a different picture - that one you have up now makes you look like a real dog...

...ahem...

Probably because those guys are doing the same thing you're doing: getting 'free' memberships on sites that don't allow you to send communication until you pay. The flirts are free, so that's what they send.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #5  October 6,2009, 8:14am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Don't know what free sites you are on but you get what you pay for.

Mostly you are going to find guys on these sites that are looking to hook up not looking for a real realtionship.
+1

If someone is on a free site because they don't want to pay for it...

1. They aren't really serious about finding someone. OR
2. They think they are serious but aren't willing to make a minimal investment in finding a relationship. I realize dating is expensive, especially as a man. (Not trying to re-open the who pays on a date debate, just saying that's how it is...)

I dropped all my membershps in free sites.

One of the positives I have found with eH is the women I meet are more interested in an actual LTR.
 
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Benevolence32 is offline Benevolence32 Post #6  October 6,2009, 8:21am
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The free sites are all a joke except for one from what I've seen, and I've tried quite a few of them. I dislike the fish themed one with a huuugge passion, it's truly a horrible site and has the highest percentage of flakes I've ever seen.

The free sites will generally have more of the creepy married or engaged guys with a woman living with them. Why? It's simple really - no credit card or bank statement with a charge on it to worry about.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #7  October 6,2009, 8:33am

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This is just not men..it's the reality of e-dating. It's both men and women. I am firm believe that some sites are just completely not worth my time anymore ie: the free ones!

Your #3 reason could be a issue. one of my pet peeves is cookie cutter emails that women send.. I would focus on what you're putting in these emails and change it up a bit.. ask a guy friend if he would repsond to what you're writing. or give us an example here?
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; October 6,2009 at 8:35am.
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #8  October 6,2009, 8:33am
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[quote=Benevolence32;761518]The free sites are all a joke except for one from what I've seen, and I've tried quite a few of them. I dislike the fish themed one with a huuugge passion, it's truly a horrible site and has the highest percentage of flakes I've ever seen.

The free sites will generally have more of the creepy married or engaged guys with a woman living with them. Why? It's simple really - no credit card or bank statement with a charge on it to worry about.[/quote]

Now you've given me another thing I have to think about. It makes total sense. I never thought of that angle.... I wouldn't either though because I am not into deception.
 
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MazarineSunset is offline MazarineSunset Post #9  October 6,2009, 6:07pm

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It's been awhile since I've been on this board, and I have to clarify a bit -

My photo DOES make me look like a dog! that comment startled me, until I actually looked at my photo and realized what photo was posted! Actually, I think she's pretty adorable, she IS a show dog, but I realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder......

When I wrote that, I was extrememly tired and frustrated - I'd just come home from work after working five 12-14 hr days in a row. I realize now that while I AM on some free sites - this ONE particular one is NOT a free site. However, I had totally forgotten that
1. I had a paid membership on that site
and
2. That some of these men may not be ABLE to read my e-mails and properly reply to them, even when I included an off-site e-mail address, because they might NOT be paying members.

Still, I would think that ONE of them might be able to reply.....

As for my e-mails, I never send 'cut and paste' e-mails, I always try to pick something from their profile to comment on or ask about, usually mentioning something we have in common. I don't think they could be mistaken for mass e-mails, they are too specific to the person.

I can't say that the free sites are worse than the paid ones - I paid for E Harmony for a long time and got nothing from it. I've gotten at least a few online friends and conversations from the free sites. The only thing E-harmony has going for it (IMHO) is this board.

As long as ANY site has both paying and non-paying members, (without disclosing who is non-paying) the folks who pay are getting cheated. It's like paying for a full box of expensive 'gourmet' chocolates and finding out that not only are a large percentage the coconut ones nobody likes, but that more than half the box is decorative packaging!
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #10  October 6,2009, 6:34pm

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I rarely respond to winks or notes that 'he's interested in me' because he clicked on a 'yes' button.

Also, form emails....no way.

It really narrows the playing field for me. But, a personal email even if it is on the short side will always get my attention.
 
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