interested? not interested? can't figure it out...


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goldengirl7676 is offline goldengirl7676 Post #1  October 5,2009, 8:23pm
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Assuming you had a brief but great first phone conversation with a match, how long would you wait before calling that person again for another chat? I know that busy schedules, traveling and weekend plans can occasionally get in the way of timely communication, but in this day and age when most of us have constant access to cell phones and the internet, it seems like there shouldn't be much lag time between communication, especially if things went well and both people seemed to enjoy talking w/each other.

I posted last week about a match I received who wasn't responding after his first reply to my FastTrack request. It wasn't until I closed him out (after more than a week of not communicating) that he finally emailed me again. He was apologetic for not getting in touch sooner and said his "tardiness" in no way indicated disinterest. I've run across enough jerks and rude clods on eH to know when someone is full of BS, but this fellow seemed quite sincere and his reasons seemed valid enough, so I thought why not continue communicating?

Well, we spoke on the phone last Thurs. (briefly) and conversation was great (at least from what I could tell). He said that other than a meeting, he had a pretty low-key day at work on Friday and was probably going to take it easy this weekend. I enjoyed our conversation and decided on Friday morning around 11 to send him a quick text message. In the message, I said I really had fun talking with him the night before and hoped he was having a good day at work. Simple as that. I haven't heard anything from him since then -- not even a quick "Hi, how are ya?" -- and I am wondering if he's not that interested or if it is just more "tardiness" on his part. I'm certainly not pinning my hopes on this one guy, but I guess because things seemed to go so well in our conversation, I figured I'd hear from him again soon.

Just about every match with whom I make it to this level of OC ends up not responding back. I try to keep things light and fun in our conversations and don't think it has anything to do with my voice or the topics of conversation. Maybe I just happen to fall in the less-interesting, saving-for-a-rainy day pile of matches instead of the I-want-to-talk-to-her-more pile. I'm just aggravated because how am I ever supposed to get to know someone if no one ever responds back? Frustrating, I tell ya.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #2  October 6,2009, 3:22am
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I would highly highly recommend NOT texting as a form of communication, but rather talk to him on the phone.

Texting is so impersonal, and some people are less comfortable with texting than others.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  October 6,2009, 4:45am
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Honestly, txting is obnoxious - if you want to talk to him, call him. If he is busy, he might just appreciate you making the effort.

On the other hand, if this happens to you frequently, then....well....you are the common denominator. Probably a good idea to take a look at what you are saying and doing. Likely it is something about you and your topics of conversation that puts you on the backburner. Perhaps you do come across as too bland, too nice, too accomodating and agreeable? Or perhaps you are telling them things that come across as dealbreakers? Maybe it's something minor, maybe it's something that people who know you would not even notice let alone take the wrong way, but to a total stranger who is hyper alert to issues.... Just some food for thought.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #4  October 6,2009, 6:12am
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I like texting, but I guess I'm just obnoxious like that. It's a nice way to send a quick 'hi' when there's not time for a phone call, especially when I'm at work. A phone call has to be be answered now or else it is missed. A text can wait until I have a free minute to send a reply.

But then again, my dating record isn't all that great, so maybe the 'text bashers' are on to something...

I ran across the same problem when I had an active eH account. Out of over a thousand matches in the course of my membership, only about 200 ever even started communication. Of those, less than a dozen reached open communication. Of those, I went on dates with 2 of them.

The most frustrating thing is, none of them will ever tell you why. I figure with that many failures, it has to be something about me, but I'm left to guess what it is. Poor profile? Too short? Not attractive enough? Maybe it's different reasons for each of them.

People dating online tend to be a lot more picky, because they feel they have more options. Eventually I had to decide that it didn't matter, all I can do is my best and if that's not good enough there's nothing I can do about it. So there's no use worrying.

All I can say is, ask your friends / family to check your profile and maybe some of your communications, ask them to honestly tell you what you can improve.
There are people here who will review profiles for you.
Just keep in mind that no matter what you do, there will always be people who 'poof.' You just have to pick up and move on.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  October 6,2009, 6:46am
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I don't much care for texting either.

But that was not the question. He is just not that interested. I have to think that he is also a player.

Save yourself a lot of grief and say NEXT!
 
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goldengirl7676 is offline goldengirl7676 Post #6  October 6,2009, 6:53am
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As a general rule, I think text-only communication is rude, and it seems a lot of people are into communicating that way entirely. The match in question had texted me prior to our phone conversation, so I did not think it was unreasonable for me to send him a quick text the day after we spoke on the phone. As I said before, he mentioned he had a meeting on Friday and a pretty low-key day otherwise. I didn't know what time the meeting was, so rather than call at a (possibly) busy time, I sent a quick text telling him I enjoyed our conversation and hoped he was having a good day at work. Just a hi-how-are-ya kind of message -- nothing more. I figured if he was in the middle of the meeting when I sent it, then he could read it later and (hopefully) respond when he wasn't busy.

As far as what I'm doing wrong, I can't see anything and the people I have asked for critiques can't see anything either. My voice isn't whiny or gruff or overly perky, I don't get into heavy, depressing conversation topics nor do I talk like a complete airhead about nonsense topics, and I am interested and curious about the other person without being nosey. I just try to be friendly, keep things light and be a good conversationalist. I don't know what else I can do besides that.

What it boils down to is good manners and common courtesy have gone out the window in our society and esp. on eH. I'm sure we all have stories to tell about matches who "poofed" or who were otherwise inconsiderate. I just think it's a shame so many folks think it is perfectly OK to be rude like that just because they are online.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #7  October 6,2009, 7:01am
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goldengirl7676 wrote :
....

What it boils down to is good manners and common courtesy have gone out the window in our society and esp. on eH. I'm sure we all have stories to tell about matches who "poofed" or who were otherwise inconsiderate. I just think it's a shame so many folks think it is perfectly OK to be rude like that just because they are online.
Yes, it's a shame. Now what are you going to do about it? Complain until everyone online falls in line and becomes respectful?
Shrug your shoulders and move on. What else can anyone do?
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #8  October 6,2009, 7:34am

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People really need to get over the texting thing..
10 years ago emailing was obnoxious and 10 years from now, a video phone screen will pop on while you're sitting on the toilet with someone wanting to speak with you.

I do agree, in certain situations the phone is the best form of communication, Sending a quick text with a good morning or good nite..whatever.... goes along way too..

I also think it is possible like Dancingfool suggested that you could be the common denominator. Yes this is completey frustrating as you said. While he did seem to be interested in the beginning. My guess he is just not good at multitasking his life and dating.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  October 6,2009, 11:00am
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Given the added information......you may have simply come across as needy. Texting/calling the very next day without even waiting for the business day to end....could appear to be both pushy and needy. I know that to you, it probably seemed friendly, but..... it may not have seemed that way to him. In general, you should avoid contacting people at work in any form unless they specifically told you that you can. Even so, that might have been too much too soon.

Ultimately you'll probably never know. At this point you don't have a relationship and you don't owe each other explanations. I mean do you honestly want him to call you and tell you that he had a fantastic date with someone else over the weekend and he is totally smitten with her?
 
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Bootsky is offline Bootsky Post #10  October 6,2009, 11:40am
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I don't think there is anything wrong with what you did. Personally, I like texting during the day because the other person might be busy/unable to take a phone call and so might I. It is a way to tell the other you are thinking of them without having to have a long conversation. I don't, on the other hand think it should be the sole form of communication.

I can see why you would be frustrated at his inability to respond. I don't know what to tell you other then you shouldn't wait for him. He doesn't seem like he is that into this or he would have called/texted you back.
 
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