Shall I call, email, or not?


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funnyengineergal is offline funnyengineergal Post #1  October 5,2009, 2:30pm
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Hi everyone!

It's been a while since I've been trolling these forums... can you tell I got mega busy with work, plus I found someone to date exclusively for a while? Anyway... Here's my question:

Guy A and I got into the exclusivity thing a couple of weeks ago. Guy B and I had been in email and phone contact for a few weeks. Guy B calls me six days after our previous call, on the same day that Guy A and I decide to be exclusive. Guy B and I had already talked about going out, so that could purportedly have been the reason for the call, but I have no way to be completeley sure as his message was a very nonchalant "call me back when you get this".

Since I was exclusively dating Guy A, I decided to not call Guy B back, but rather email back saying...

"Sorry I missed your call yesterday, and also sorry I haven't called you back. The timing of this is a bit unfortunate, but it turns out I have been seeing someone and things have evolved to the point where I'd like to focus on just him for now. If you don't mind, I'd still like to keep in touch, but for right now I'm not looking to meet new people. Would that be OK?"

Guy B did *NOT* email me back. Things with Guy A have recently ended.

Question: do I call Guy B? Do I email him? Do I just cut my losses and move on?

Thanks!!

Me
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  October 5,2009, 2:37pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Well.... the only thing you have to lose by contacting him is a little embarassment. Nothing ventured nothing gained. I think either emailing or phoning him would be ok. As a man I understand that women are oftentimes reticent about contacting a man... so I'm quite understanding if they use email or text rather than a phone call early on.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  October 5,2009, 2:42pm
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I see no reason not to call.

He had no burden, and no reason, to "keep in contact." He was right not to - it is so lame to be someone else's "plan b" so they don't have to be alone.

You're now available, by all means contact him and say so.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #4  October 5,2009, 2:45pm
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Call "Mr. B" and let him know you are now available. He can not say you did not tell him about "A", so what is the problem? Honesty is the best policy, and it is not like you kept him wondering.
 
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beentherehavetee is offline beentherehavetee Post #5  October 5,2009, 4:01pm
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Call him. Good luck.
 
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tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #6  October 5,2009, 4:59pm
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I would email. I had a guy tell me he had just decided to go exclusive with a girl and he asked if he could call if it did not work out and I said yes (and meant it). He never called but I would have gone out with him if he had called.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #7  October 5,2009, 5:07pm
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Laughingdaily wrote :
Call "Mr. B" and let him know you are now available. He can not say you did not tell him about "A", so what is the problem? Honesty is the best policy, and it is not like you kept him wondering.
.......plus you told him that you'd like to keep in touch if he didn't mind. Maybe he didn't respond to your e-mail because he felt a little sting. I can't see that it would hurt to try again. If he is on these dating sites he has to know that this could happen. Good luck.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  October 5,2009, 6:20pm
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While I will say that you have nothing to lose by calling him as some of the others have said.

I will add that by calling him you will be sending the signal that he is second place, backup plan, plan "B", whatever you want to call it. You are also sending the signal that you will be looking to dump him as soon as someone else comes along. But that is just my cynical view of dating cause by too many closed matches.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  October 5,2009, 6:37pm
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I think you should move on. He never responded to your poite e mail telling him you were seeing someone. That is just plain rude. I know the popular way of handling these things seems to be 'ignore,' but that to me is indicative of bigger problems to come.

I personally don't like feeling I am anyone's consolation prize, and that I am dating someone by default - but that's me, and sometimes my pride has gotten in the way. You chose guy A over him. Surely there must have been a reason.
 
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funnyengineergal is offline funnyengineergal Post #10  October 5,2009, 6:43pm
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Alli824 wrote :
You chose guy A over him. Surely there must have been a reason.

Yes: this pesky habit of mine to only be able to date one guy at a time!! I just can't help myself, but that amount of multi-tasking just doesn't agree with me.

Anyway, I took the "email him" advice, and just did... we'll see... I might turn up later with a thread about how to deal with angry "do not contact me again, you player" emails!!!

Me
 
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