For D_Lion: Spider Dating


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ennoidyam is offline ennoidyam Post #1  October 5,2009, 10:05am
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I promised I would clean this up for D_lion who wanted me to elaborate on my " R" rated encounter with a Tarantula…
I have a HUGE phobia when it comes to spiders. I HATE them. I will do anything I can to get away from them-I don’t even like seeing them in movies or pictures. I once ran out of my house (left the front door wide open), drove three miles to a friends house, "borrowed" his son to take back to my house and kill the Black widow in the kitchen.
But just for D_Lion, I’ll tell this one…

I was dating a guy for a few years. He worked as a machinist in some shop that was out in the middle of nowhere. It was a big building in the middle of the desert with nothing but a half a dozen mobile homes across the street from it (One of which his boss lived in).
He worked late a lot and was often the only person there at night. I decided one hot summer night to "surprise" him with dinner and…umm..me.
So I get there at about 9:30pm. He is happy to see me (especially in the short skirt and tank top). He’s not alone though, there is one other guy working with him.
He proudly tell’s his friend that he will be "taking" a break to go eat his dinner with me, his friend gives him out of those man-to man grins and says "No Problem".
The shop is very cluttered and dirty, as one would expect, so there is no way I am eating in there.
He suggests my car. So we eat there, leaving the door open because it’s hot.
I smell good, I look good, his stomach is full and my pheromones are in overdrive.
Of course we start to make out. The mobile homes are just a few feet away so we close the door to shut the dome light off. Since we are in the middle of the desert, is pitch black outside – no chance of any "night owls" seeing us.
It’s not long until he wants "more" than make-out. But the car is not only cramped, it is muggy with the door shut. He has the bright idea of doing it outside. After all, the shop yard is dark, no one there but us and his buddy inside working. I worry about the homes directly across the street. What if someone is awake and out on their porch enjoying the night air? Even if they can’t see us, they will hear us. He promises we will be quite (speak for yourself!)
So, I comply. He finds an old but sturdy chair in the cluttered yard and brings in to the side of the building and sets it against the wall. Now, I’m wearing a skirt (commando) so I don’t have to get undressed. He however has to take off everything from the waist down. Then he sits on the chair and ..(You can fill in the blank here).
The whole thing is kind of a naughty, "under- the-cover -of –darkness" turn on and our movements get more and more animated.
Unbeknownst to HIM, his boss had recently installed some outdoor motion lights- one of which was right above us.
Suddenly, that entire side of the building was flooded with light. And there WE were; me, straddling him on a chair against the wall. We both froze. What now? The situation was not THAT bad- if anyone happened to be out across the street, they would see us but I still had my top on and my skirt was covering his…err… lower half. Our dilemma was HOW to get up without exposing him. He suggested we wait until the light went back off and just play it off meanwhile like we are just kissing. I agreed and we started kissing-between giggles.
That was when I looked up and saw directly on the wall behind him under the motion lamp, not Three feet above us…was a HUGE HAIRY BROWN TARANTULA!!! It was SO BIG and UGLY and CLOSE, I could SEE its eight beady little eyes! I’m getting goose bumps just writing this!!
All I could think of was of that eight legged demon falling off the wall, onto HIS head, then MY lap!!!
I screamed so loud that if the neighbors were asleep, they weren’t anymore, jumped off his lap (paying no attention to his protests) and ran to the car.
It wasn’t till I was safely there that I looked back and saw him frozen in the chair, frantically and unsuccessfully trying to cover his exposed, umm…flagpole.
He finally had to crouch down and crawl over to his pants. Then sprint to the car in all his naked glory.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  October 5,2009, 1:46pm
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I was never there!

Honest.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #3  October 5,2009, 1:51pm
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Hahahahahahaha, dang, that is funny. Thanks for sharing, enjoyed reading it, absolutely hilarious.
 
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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #4  October 5,2009, 1:52pm
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Tell me more about this "miniskirt."

- Saul
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #5  October 5,2009, 1:55pm
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Nice... We have Penthouse letters here... Now I find I have no other response to this except to sit and stare...
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  October 5,2009, 2:00pm
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To assist you in overcoming phobias of this kind, I recommend systematic desensitization.

With this technique, you gradually expose (sorry) yourself to the phobia trigger, until you become comfortable, then continue increasing the exposure.

We should probably begin by posting some spider pictures, in the interest of your recovery, of course.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #7  October 5,2009, 2:14pm
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D_Lion wrote :
To assist you in overcoming phobias of this kind, I recommend systematic desensitization.

With this technique, you gradually expose (sorry) yourself to the phobia trigger, until you become comfortable, then continue increasing the exposure.

We should probably begin by posting some spider pictures, in the interest of your recovery, of course.
I'm good with that... I suppose I should get off my butt and start now... It's the Packer game tonight... Maybe I can find someone not wearing green and gold ummm... under their... ummm...
Are we going to get banned for this...
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  October 5,2009, 2:16pm
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DennisWisconsin wrote :
Are we going to get banned for this...

I was planning to post scary spider pictures, not erotic spider pictures.

You are in control of your own fate, however.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #9  October 5,2009, 2:19pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I was planning to post scary spider pictures, not erotic spider pictures.

You are in control of your own fate, however.
Yeah... that's not quite what I had in mind...
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #10  October 5,2009, 2:28pm

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ennoidyam ... Is all that going to fit is this tiny box??


13. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
 
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