Does it matter if he/she dated 'Lumberg'?


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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #31  October 5,2009, 1:54pm
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librarybabe wrote :
So what do you think when you see a man dating below his league?
Same thing. Self-esteem.

Funny that so many people don't know what they've got.

Besides, leagues are subjective. They may have other qualities...


- Saul
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #32  October 5,2009, 2:45pm

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wow....I have a lot of problems with this line of thinking... I don't even know where to start.

First of all, most of us date all kinds of people and that is how we learn who we are most compatible with. And love is often, so very blind. I agree with Glider Pilot on his earlier comments....

Two of the men I've dated the most seriously this year are so very different....on the surface. I am sure they would consider themselves total opposites of each other.

But what men notice about each other I am sure is not the same things that I would value in them.

They are both passionate about their beliefs, highly intelligent and attractive (in their own ways) and I had very different things in common with both of them....and they both annoyed me at times with how extreme they could be in their thinking (politically) as I am much more middle of the road...and hence, I could get along with both of them. I doubt they could be friends.

What we look for in a person is not always obviouos or quantifiable to those on the outside, it might make no sense to you at all because you simply can't see it.

If I had found my 'type' so long ago and adhered to it I'm sure I'd be married....

but my 'type' leaves lots of room for superficial variations that might not be so obvious to the casual observer....

It's not obvious by the way the dress, their political leanings, what they drive or what they look like.

And men and women relate much differently than men and men (I'm pretty sure...)

that jerk might be a nice guy behind closed doors.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #33  October 5,2009, 2:52pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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cp...so, you want to pretend that someone doesn't have a past, and don't even want the information regarding their past? For example... that a man frequented prostitutes up until 6 months ago? (seems like an extreme example, I know).
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #34  October 5,2009, 2:53pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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cp... so you'd want to pretend that a man had no past, and wouldn't even want information regarding his past? What if, say... he had frequented prostitutes until 6 months ago?
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #35  October 5,2009, 2:58pm

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I don't mind generalities about the past. I certainly don't want photographic proof....in fact I had a thread about that not too long ago.....

There is good reason for people to be very careful about what they share.

It usually gets much bigger in the imaginations of others than it is.

These are things better learned over time, also.

Do you want to be judged immediatley for being divorced?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #36  October 5,2009, 3:18pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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cp30 wrote :
Do you want to be judged immediately for being divorced?
I expect that's why this (being divorced) is a basic piece of information that most people want to know very early on. They want to use this information in the ongoing process of determining what they think of me (or anyone). For some this will be a dealbreaker... for others not at all. I do think we use this and all different types of information about someone's past to make judgements.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #37  October 5,2009, 3:19pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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saulgoode wrote :
Same thing. Self-esteem.

Funny that so many people don't know what they've got.

Besides, leagues are subjective. They may have other qualities...


- Saul
Why you wanna go say something hurtful like that?
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #38  October 5,2009, 3:27pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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CP, I know what you're saying, I don't have a physical type either. It's about the person and for me the person has come in all sorts of packaging but we are animals and some of our instincts are primitive. The attractiveness of our mates is loosely indicative of our place in the natural selection of it all and as such is fascinating. Not to be taken too seriously, obviously, but still fascinating.

"Lumbergs" meanwhile are vile and accepting a Lumberg into your life does indeed say something about your self esteem or your moral judgements both of these things make it hard to get a good 'un afterwards.

Jennifer Aniston was in Office Space. Occurred to me after I posted. Did anybody else think that?
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #39  October 5,2009, 3:36pm

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Trixie,

Unfortunatley, I have thought about this too....

And some highly desirable people are not so nice....and some of our 'league' may not deserve to be in our 'leauge' to begin with, and we kick them out after getting to know them.

I can think of men who have asked me if I've dated certain races....etc. I know what they were thinking, too.

The way men compare each other to each other....is far different from how I compare them, that I'm sure.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #40  October 5,2009, 3:37pm

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jayjay wrote :
I expect that's why this (being divorced) is a basic piece of information that most people want to know very early on. They want to use this information in the ongoing process of determining what they think of me (or anyone). For some this will be a dealbreaker... for others not at all. I do think we use this and all different types of information about someone's past to make judgements.
or it could be that they are trying to get to know you and figure out what makes you, you.
 
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