Recently divorced, just getting back to life


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Man_in_Black is offline Man_in_Black Post #1  October 3,2009, 4:56pm
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Well, I say recently, but I've been single for over a year. Signed up on EH about a month ago and it's been pretty interesting so far.
It feels strange, though, thinking about having a relationship with a new lady when for years I thought I was with THE very last lady.

Anyway, I'm very rusty at the whole dating thing. And, I never was a "player" type so I'm just taking it slow. No expectations.

EH seems like a the right medium to get back to living at the pace I want to do it.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  October 3,2009, 5:15pm
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Do you have a question or can we make one up for you?

Anyhow, welcome to eHarmony Advices (Frog style.)

Can you put aside thoughts of the ex-wife and focus on the new women you meet?

That's all you need to be ready.
 
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Man_in_Black is offline Man_in_Black Post #3  October 3,2009, 5:22pm
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The ex is nowhere on my radar. Goodbye and good riddance.

I guess my question is, how do I get to the point of seeing someone as a potential life mate, vs a date?
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #4  October 3,2009, 5:32pm
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Man_in_Black wrote :
I guess my question is, how do I get to the point of seeing someone as a potential life mate, vs a date?
How many dates have you had with matches?

Do yourself and anyone you date a favour and don't talk about the ex.

The question seems a bit rushed. Do you really want to think of the first person you date after your ex as a potential life mate?

How long did you date your ex before you got to the point of seeing her as a potential life mate?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  October 3,2009, 5:35pm
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Man_in_Black wrote :
The ex is nowhere on my radar. Goodbye and good riddance.

I guess my question is, how do I get to the point of seeing someone as a potential life mate, vs a date?
If the ex is truly gone from your mind then this should not be a problem. Howsomeever the very fact that you are asking this question lead me to believe that maybe she is not truly out of your mind.

Here is something to ask yourself as you meet and date new women. Do you compare her to your ex. If you answer yes, you are not ready to be seeking a relationship with a new woman. If you say no then I ask were you honest with your answer. This does not mean that you don't "check" the new lady for red flags against your experience. There is a difference between comparing your new woman to the ex and viewing her based on experience.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #6  October 3,2009, 5:37pm
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Hello Man_In_Black! Welcome to the boards and good luck in your new search!

I signed my divorce papers last October after waiting over a year from when things were officially over, so I understand exactly where you are. I would love to find someone to be the last man I will have a relationship with (perhaps I've found him), but it does take time to get to know someone.

IMO, you'll know someone has potential for a relationship only after getting to know her, so it doesn't help to bring that expectation into the earliest dates.

I think you should not focus on the destination, but try to enjoy the journey dating.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #7  October 4,2009, 10:40am

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Man_in_Black wrote :
The ex is nowhere on my radar. Goodbye and good riddance.

I guess my question is, how do I get to the point of seeing someone as a potential life mate, vs a date?
The trick is to stop in the garden and smell the flowers and enjoy the lady's some will be very charming, some funny and dull and boring and feeling just like you do right now! The first thing is can you enjoy an evening out and her companionship? It will happen but it takes time.

Harvey7.
 
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wilky is offline wilky Post #8  October 5,2009, 5:28pm
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As someone who was in your shoes a couple of years ago I can relate. You're setting yourself up for failure if you go into each date trying to determine whether she is a potential life mate or not. You're much better off going into the dates as a chance to enjoy a night out with someone new...if it does turn out to be a love connection that is all the better.
 
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